


gayme day

by SJAandDWfan



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: F/F, Soccer AU, and because she's gay and hopeless she tries out for the team, emma has a crush on soccer player alyssa, pour one out for emma's leg muscles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 52,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21772801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SJAandDWfan/pseuds/SJAandDWfan
Summary: “Still, if you practised over summer I don’t see why you couldn’t at least get on the team,” Alyssa said. “We’re losing a lot of our seniors and we really do need fresh blood. And, uh, we kind of want everyone we can get, no offense.”Emma snorted. “None taken. I—I don’t know if I’m cut out for soccer. Or anything that involves that kind of co-ordination.”Alyssa nodded, but her face fell slightly. “Okay. Well, if you change your mind…”orhigh school soccer au
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan
Comments: 175
Kudos: 272





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i said i was taking a break from fic writing and then my brain spat this out so... my "break" went about as expected.
> 
> that being said i've been tossing a version of this idea around for a while so i hope you enjoy!
> 
> big thanks to seaunicorn for answering all my dumb questions about soccer/the american education system <3

“Shelby Gonzales now makes her way to the penalty spot. James Madison need this to find the back of the net in order to keep their hopes alive and force more rounds.”

Emma, despite herself, was on the edge of her seat as she watched the penalty shootout unfold. She could see the rest of the team holding onto each other as Shelby faced down the opposing team’s goalkeeper. The announcer over the tannoy continued to build the pressure while Shelby carefully set the soccer ball down on the spot.

“If Gonzales makes this shot, we go to more rounds of this shootout. If she doesn’t, then the Wildcats are out, and will not be headed to state finals.”

It was a home crowd for James Madison’s Wildcats, so the tension in the air was palpable. Emma didn’t know much about soccer – honestly, she wasn’t even here for the sport or for the girl currently waiting for the referee’s whistle – but she was utterly caught up in the drama taking place before her.

The ref blew her whistle, signalling that Shelby could take the penalty kick, and the entirety of the stands held their breath. Shelby glanced up at the goalkeeper once, and then she was running up to the ball and kicking with everything she had. The ball soared into the air, the keeper dove… and then the ball hit the crossbar of the goal.

The opposing team celebrated their victory wildly as Shelby’s hands went to her forehead. Emma could see her silently mouthing a curse even from her place at the back of the stands. James Madison’s girls’ soccer team had been defeated in the semi-finals of the state competition.

There was a weak smattering of applause as the Wildcats left the field. Emma clapped along, her eyes immediately finding number eleven, who was being brushed off by a disappointed Shelby Gonzales. The girl sighed, pushing back flyway strands of curly dark hair that had escaped her ponytail. Her brown eyes were downcast.

But, for a moment, number eleven glanced up into the stands. Her eyes met Emma’s, and it was like Emma was frozen in place, unable to move even as she felt herself blushing. Alyssa Greene was beautiful even in despair; she was composed and kind and completely out of Emma’s league.

She was also the reason Emma had even come to the game in the first place.

“Well, I guess there’s always next year.” A sigh from next to her pulled Emma out of her brief staring contest with her crush. Emma blinked a few times, turning her head to see her cousin Greg picking up his backpack.

“Yeah,” she said. “Next year.”

“Come on, I’ll give you a ride back to gran’s.” Greg gave her a weak grin, evidently trying to mask his disappointment at the outcome of the match.

“Thanks.”

When Emma looked back down at the pitch, Alyssa – as well as the rest of the team – was gone.

* * *

Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, the SAT… They all came and went, and before Emma knew it, she was making her way through the halls of the school on the last day of junior year.

Slightly late.

She took a shortcut past the locker rooms, hurrying along as she did so because her math teacher wasn’t exactly fond of latecomers to his class, which meant that she wasn’t exactly looking where she was going. She didn’t see the girl pinning a notice to the board.

The girl backed up a few paces to assess the placement of the flyer, stepping into an oblivious Emma’s path, and they collided. Emma yelped as she hit the floor, her legs trapped by the body of the girl she’d just mown down. Her knees smarted painfully, as did her palms from where she’d stuck her hands out to break her fall.

Groaning slightly, Emma rolled over onto her back. She pushed herself into a sitting position and gasped.

She’d just crashed into Alyssa Greene.

“I’m so sorry!” Emma immediately leapt into action, scrambling to her feet and holding out a hand to the girl still on the floor. “That was my bad, I wasn’t looking where I was going and I was rushing because I’m late and—”

Alyssa shook her head. “It’s okay.”

She took Emma’s hand, making sparks shoot up her arm, and Emma helped her to her feet. She dropped Alyssa’s hand quickly, clutching the strap of her messenger bag tightly and blushing. She could barely meet Alyssa’s eyes. God, she was such a mess.

“That was quite the tackle,” Alyssa said, once it became clear that Emma wasn’t going to say anything else. “Definitely a foul, but there’s potential there. Ever considered trying out?”

Her voice was light; a little teasing. Emma glanced up, her eyes fixing on the flyer Alyssa had been pinning to the board outside the locker rooms. It was advertising soccer tryouts. Emma gaped at her.

“Me? I—no, no, I only played a little bit in elementary school,” she said quickly. “Not exactly recent experience. I’m not—I don’t know much about soccer.”

Alyssa’s forehead creased slightly. “Really? I saw you at enough of our games this past season.”

“You—You remember me?” Instantly, Emma wanted to kick herself. But Alyssa just shrugged.

“It’s nice to see a friendly face in the crowd, especially at away games.”

“Right.” Emma stuttered a little. She really couldn’t explain to Alyssa the actual reason she went to a lot of the soccer fixtures. She’d rather die than admit the truth to her face.

“Still, if you practised over summer I don’t see why you couldn’t at least get on the team,” Alyssa said. “We’re losing a lot of our seniors and we really do need fresh blood. And, uh, we kind of want everyone we can get, no offense.”

Emma snorted. “None taken.”

“We actually already had a flyer up, but it got a bit vandalized,” Alyssa said, jerking a thumb over her shoulder at the notice board. “So I put up a new one. Then someone knocked me down. And then it’s, well, now.”

“I really am sorry about that.” Emma winced. She glanced at Alyssa, then the flyer, and then back to Alyssa. “I—I don’t know if I’m cut out for soccer. Or anything that involves that kind of co-ordination.”

Alyssa nodded, but her face fell slightly. “Okay. Well, if you change your mind…”

“Yeah.”

Silence descended between them. Emma found herself completely at a loss, because she was actually having an honest-to-goodness conversation with Alyssa Greene, and she didn’t know what to do with herself.

“Oh, weren’t you late?” Alyssa’s question broke through the fog in Emma’s brain. Her eyes widened.

“Shit!” She scrambled, taking off in a run. “Sorry again!”

“Good talk, Nolan!” Alyssa’s voice echoed after her, as did her laugh, and Emma found herself grinning despite the embarrassment all the way to math.

She got chewed out in front of the whole class, but it was worth it.

* * *

Despite telling Alyssa that she wouldn’t be trying out for the team, and despite telling herself that she didn’t care about soccer past watching Alyssa play, Emma found herself joining Greg in watching the women’s world cup as the group stage drew to a close and the knockout rounds began.

And, against her will, Emma found herself more and more intrigued.

“Be real, Emma, is it because you think they’re hot?” Greg asked one day, when Emma actually fell off the couch after a goal.

“No. Shut up!” She hit his knee from her sitting position on the ground, her cheeks flushing. “I mean, not that they’re not—I just… it’s just cool to watch, okay? Can’t I be interested in a sport? I go to the school’s games, do I not?”

Greg just raised his eyebrows at her. “Relax. It was only a question.”

They watched on in silence, Emma not bothering to get up off the floor. As the game carried on, Emma thought more and more about the tryouts she knew would be taking place at the end of July before school started again the next month, and whether or not Alyssa really did want her to try out.

Would it impress Alyssa if she made the team?

If Emma made the team, would she be able to have a good reason to hang out with her crush? Would she actually go as far as to make friends with people instead of being the social pariah she was now? Or would she show up at tryouts and make a complete idiot of herself and ensure that Alyssa wouldn’t so much as talk to her ever again?

Emma battled back and forth with herself until the final whistle.

“Greg?”

“Yeah?”

Emma closed her eyes. “Can you teach me to play soccer?”

“Excuse me?” It was clear that, whatever Greg had been expecting her to say, that hadn’t been it. Emma sighed, opening her eyes and turning around so she was sat facing him.

“You played in middle school, right? So you actually know how to play.”

“Well, kind of—”

“So teach me.” Emma didn’t want to beg. “Teach me, and if I don’t suck too bad, I might try out for the team at school next year.”

Greg’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

“I—I think so?” Emma puffed out her cheeks. “No, yeah, I’m serious.”

“Okay,” Greg said slowly. He narrowed his eyes at her slightly. “Alright. Lesson one tomorrow morning at the park. Early enough that most of the kids from school will still be asleep. Bring sneakers with a decent grip on them, and clothes you don’t mind sweating in or getting grass stains on, I guess.”

Emma was already half-regretting this. Still, she nodded her understanding, and tried to mentally prepare herself for what could either be the best or worst decision of her short life thus far.

* * *

To start with, Emma had sucked.

She still kind of sucked, if she was honest with herself, but she’d definitely improved since her first practise with Greg a few weeks ago – during which, she’d kicked the ball almost everywhere but the goal – and now she could actually steal the ball off Greg on occasion and kick it through the makeshift goalposts. She hadn’t even tripped over the ball in days.

Still, as she sat in her truck in the school parking lot, she wondered why the hell she was actually doing this. She was about to potentially embarrass herself in front of the team, the other hopefuls, and the coach. More importantly, she was about to embarrass herself in front of Alyssa.

Emma sighed and got out of her car.

Dressed in track pants, a loose top, and her most worn pair of sneakers, she felt extremely out of place when she got to the soccer pitch and noticed how everyone else was dressed. Pretty much every other person was wearing athletic shorts, and form-fitting tank tops or special exercise tops. Nobody else was wearing old sneakers. No, the team all had shiny cleats, and so did some of the younger hopefuls. There were a couple of girls wearing sneakers, but they were definitely flashier and more expensive-looking than Emma’s own.

Emma didn’t often feel self-conscious of her clothes – she dressed how she wanted at school and tried to ignore whatever people whispered about her – but she couldn’t help but feel very alone in what she was wearing.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

But before Emma could turn around and sneak away, the coach spotted her, and his eyes lit up. He was one of the Phys Ed teachers, although he would often joke about how his only exercise nowadays came from walking to the kitchen to get more snacks, and he never made Emma do anything she couldn’t do in class. She’d always liked Mr. Glickman.

“Emma Nolan, I can’t believe it!” Mr. Glickman grinned widely at her as he approached. “I’m so glad you’ve decided to try out after all.”

Emma blinked, confused as to the implications of his words, but her confusion was soon replaced by nerves as several girls turned and looked at her when they heard him speak. Some of their faces were less than pleased. Emma’s eyes sought out Alyssa, and it both calmed her and made her even more scared to see the bright smile on Alyssa’s face when she saw her.

“You’re just in time,” Barry continued, lowering his voice as he led Emma over to join the group. “I was about to go through my monologue. I would’ve hated to have to start over.”

“Okay,” Emma managed, stumbling slightly as Barry pushed her towards the cluster of students. A few of the other tryouts took a step away from her, and Emma felt her heart start to sink.

“Welcome, ladies,” Barry said. “Thank you all for coming, first of all. As you all know, departing seniors have left us with several spots on our roster. Twelve, in fact, as about half of our girls left us for bigger and better things at the end of the semester. That’s where you all come in.”

He pointed at the group of tryouts, nodding seriously, and Emma stifled at laugh at how seriously he was taking it.

“The team and I are going to put you through your paces today,” Barry promised. “We’ll start with a warmup and then move onto some drills to test your skills with a soccer ball. Don’t worry about perfection; we can teach you that. What we’re looking for are quick learners who try hard and play a clean game, okay?”

Barry’s eyes flickered to a couple of sophomores who were nudging each other and looking not-so-subtly at Emma. He cleared his throat.

“I would also like to take this opportunity to remind you that this team does not discriminate against anyone, is that clear?”

There was a mumbled chorus of assent. Emma let out a breath.

“Alright, then,” Barry continued. “I will also be naming the team’s new captain from our current squad at the end of the session, so team… think of this as your tryouts, too. I want serious leadership potential.”

Emma saw Alyssa nudging Shelby Gonzales, who pursed her lips in thought. Kaylee Klein, on Shelby’s other side, slung her arm around Shelby’s waist and patted her hip. Barry clapped his hands together once, instructing a couple of the girls from the team to lead everyone in a warmup.

Although she tried to keep up as best she could, Emma was still out of breath by the end of it. She subtly wiped away the sweat on her forehead, wondering why none of the other tryouts were sweating like she was; maybe they were just in better shape. Emma cursed internally as she realized that she’d forgotten to bring a water bottle.

Barry split up the ten squad members into pairs, dividing up the tryouts into small groups and giving them each some small cones, made out of soft plastic. He tossed a couple of soccer balls to each group. Emma found herself grouped with Shelby, the goalkeeper Carrie, and two junior girls who were trying out.

“Test one is simple,” Barry declared. “Receive the ball, dribble in and out of the cones, and pass it on when you’ve reached the end. Then go around to the back of the line for another turn.”

One of the junior girls raised her hand and addressed Shelby. “What is this meant to test?”

“Um…” Shelby looked at her a little blankly. “Basics, really. We want to make sure you can receive passes, keep possession, that sort of thing.”

“Ball handling skills,” Carrie supplied helpfully. Emma snorted.

This was something that she and Greg had actually practised quite a lot, so she wasn’t too out of her comfort zone with it. The cones were new, but she was able to keep the ball at her feet and under control as she manoeuvred – albeit slowly – in and out of them and passed the ball to Shelby once she was done. She tried to ignore Barry’s note-taking.

The next drill was working on what Barry referred to as “shielding” and, from Emma’s understanding, it was an exercise in rolling the ball with your feet with your back to an opposing player who was trying to take the ball off you.

“Keep your head up,” Shelby advised her. “You wanna be aware of where the ball is, but you need to know where everyone else on the pitch is, too. And you’ll be able to move quicker if you’re not hunching over forwards, okay?”

“Okay,” Emma said. She held back from pointing out that she’d probably trip over the ball if she didn’t keep her eyes fixed on it. She really didn’t need the potential humiliation.

By the time they’d moved onto shooting drills, Emma’s legs were starting to get tired. She knew from the second she saw Alyssa and Kaylee demonstrate the cross-and-shoot drill that this would perhaps be her undoing. Alyssa jogged up the right flank of the field, passing the ball to Kaylee, who scored on an empty net with her left foot as she came running up the center of the field.

As predicted, Emma wasn’t so good at the scoring part. She was better with her right foot, but timing her run so that she met Gwen’s cross was proving to be tricky. She was, however, not as bad at crossing the ball herself. Kaylee only had to slow down her run a little bit to account for where Emma was putting the ball and, although the cross was low on the ground and wouldn't have reached her had there been defenders in the way, Barry still seemed happy with it.

* * *

There was a break between the drills and the announcement while Barry conferred with the team. Emma stood aside from everyone else, not quite sure what to do, because even the two girls she’d been running drills with didn’t look eager to talk to her at all. Her mouth was as dry as a desert, and she could feel sweat dripping down her back underneath her loose top. She felt gross.

“Need some water?”

Emma almost jumped out of her skin, looking to her side and feeling like she started sweating even more when she realized it was Alyssa who was offering her a sports bottle.

“Oh, uh, thanks,” she said quietly, taking the bottle and raising it to her lips. She only intended to take a sip, but the next thing she knew, she’d drained half the contents. Cringing a little, she turned to apologize, only to find Alyssa nodding knowingly at her.

“You looked a little dehydrated,” she told Emma.

“I forgot to bring water,” Emma admitted. “Yet another dumbass move.”

Alyssa just smiled at her. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you reconsidered.”

“Huh?”

“You tried out,” Alyssa said. “You told me that you weren’t cut out for soccer, but that’s not true.”

Emma found herself almost at a loss for words. Alyssa was actually having a conversation with her, and not just because Emma had knocked her over this time. Alyssa was talking to her, and she was smiling at her, and Emma didn’t know how she was expected to function under these conditions.

“I, uh, I still don’t really think I’m cut out for… sport,” she said. “I mean, look how sweaty I am.”

Emma immediately wanted to kick herself in the head. Why had she just pointed out how gross she looked to the girl she had a hopeless crush on? Who did that? Clearly, she did that.

“That just means you put the work in,” Alyssa said. “I noticed some of the girls weren’t even trying, that’s why there’s not a hair out of place.”

“Either that or they’re just in better shape than I am.”

“Barry said he was looking for girls who try,” Alyssa reminded her. “You proved today that you have that quality.”

“I…” Emma glanced at her feet. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

Alyssa opened her mouth to respond, but her focus was pulled by Barry clapping his hands together once more. Emma, too, ripped her eyes away from the ground and felt her heart rate start to increase as everyone gathered around the coach. She guessed this would be the moment where she found out whether or not she’d made the team.

She wondered when she’d actually started to care about it.

“Thank you, once again, for coming today,” Barry started. “I really do mean that. I wish I could give all of you a spot on the team. Technically, I probably could, but… I don’t really want to.”

Emma glanced at Alyssa out of the corner of her eye, who shook her head fondly at Barry.

“If I call your name, you’ve made the team.” Barry cleared his throat, looking down at his clipboard. “Linda Vasquez, Alexia Williams, Melissa Everett, Emma Nolan…”

Blood rushed in Emma’s ears. She’d made it. She’d actually made the team. Alyssa grinned at her, reaching out and squeezing her shoulder briefly before turning her attention back to Barry as he read out the rest of the names. Emma’s shoulder burned where Alyssa had touched her.

“And, finally, I’d like to take this opportunity to announce this year’s captain,” Barry said. “Congratulations to… Shelby Gonzales!”

The team cheered and whooped for a stunned-looking Shelby. Kaylee hugged her from the side, near enough lifting her from the ground. To Emma, though, Shelby didn’t appear to be as thrilled as she’d expected her to be. She looked almost… apprehensive, although Emma wasn’t sure why.

“First practise is the first day of the semester,” Barry said. “We’ll have a ninety-minute practise every day after school, so be prepared for that.”

Emma blanched. Every day? This was surely going to kill her. Was it too late to back out?

Barry beamed at his new squad. “Let’s go win us a state championship!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so so so much to everyone who read the first chapter! special thank you to anyone who left kudos or even a comment - you guys are what motivate me! sorry about the wait between chapters, i'm home for christmas after a few months away from my family so writing hasn't been at the forefront of my mind, but here's chapter 2!
> 
> i literally have no idea how many chapters this fic is gonna be, but i do have a loose outline in place!
> 
> also, i'm taking a little creative liberty with the tournament setup because i'm still a little confused even with the research and also there's only so many matches i'll be able to describe dsjkdsk

Emma tried to tackle the ball off Greg, who dodged out of the way and took the ball with him, leaving Emma’s foot with nothing to make contact with. She overbalanced, her sneaker slipping on the grass as she landed in a heap. She pushed some hair back from her sweaty forehead.

“Can we take a break?”

“Absolutely,” Greg puffed, dribbling the ball back over. “I definitely don’t want to push you into straining something so soon before the semester. Not to mention the fact that I, too, am exhausted.”

He flopped down dramatically next to Emma.

“My legs hurt,” Emma groaned.

“In a tired way, or in a ‘something isn’t right’ way?”

“The first one.”

“Okay, good, same here,” Greg said.

Emma bit her lip, looking up at the sky. “Thank you for helping me.”

“Of course,” Greg said immediately. “I’m still not sure why you’re so dead set on being a soccer player all of a sudden, but hanging out with you like this is fun. Plus, bonus, I get to boss you around.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Emma snorted, slapping the back of her hand weakly against his arm. “And I’m not dead set on being a soccer player.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

Emma chose her words carefully. “To make an impression, I guess. To prove that I’m _something_.”

She could feel Greg looking at her, but she kept her gaze fixed on the few wispy clouds overhead. He didn’t press her further, but Emma couldn’t help but wonder if he was able to see right through her.

“Besides,” Emma continued. “I don’t want to turn up next week on the first day of practise and be so far behind everyone else. Even if I never play in any of the actual games, and I honestly wouldn’t blame Coach Glickman if he never put me in, I don’t want to be the dead weight.”

“You won’t be,” Greg promised her. “Don’t let this go to your head, but… you’re smart, Emma. You’re so smart. You’ll pick up team play in no time.”

“I just hope nobody expects me to score any goals.”

“They’ll probably put you in defense somewhere,” Greg said thoughtfully. “I think you’d make a good defender.”

“Yeah, because I’m so good at stealing the ball off of you,” Emma said sarcastically.

Greg kicked her foot gently. “Well, it would help if you had cleats.”

“I can’t afford cleats,” Emma said. “And I’m not going to ask gran to buy them for me.”

“I’m sure we could find some second-hand that fit,” Greg said. “It might not be ideal, but it’ll be better than those old sneakers you’re wearing now.”

“I guess.”

“Oh!” Greg sat up. “Maybe Glickman has some stuff in the department? If people upgraded and then donated their old kit.”

“Maybe…” Emma trailed off as a realization struck her, and she sat up as well. “Oh, God. I’m gonna get a kit. With shorts and—and a jersey. And a number.”

“If you’re number thirteen, then I take back everything I said about you being fine.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “No, I’m pretty sure that’s Kaylee’s number.”

“Crisis averted, then. Hey, do they go up to number sixty-nine?” Greg laughed. Emma shoved him.

“I doubt it.”

“If you’re number two then I can technically call you a shit,” Greg pointed out, swatting Emma’s hands away as she went for him again. “Okay, I’ll stop. But, seriously, Emma. Ask Glickman about cleats on the first day. You might be surprised by what you get if you just ask for it.”

Emma blinked, her hands stilling. “Huh.”

* * *

“Hey, uh, Coach?” Emma intercepted Barry on his way to the teacher’s lounge at the beginning of the lunch period. He turned, confused, but he smiled brightly when he realized it was her.

“Emma! What can I do for you?”

“I was wondering if…” Emma fidgeted a little on the spot. Despite Greg’s reassurances, she still felt a little strange – not to mention embarrassed – about asking Mr. Glickman for footwear. “I mean… I don’t have cleats. I would’ve saved up but all this was kind of short notice and I didn’t have a job this summer and I had to use my allowance to get new strings for my guitar so I can’t afford to buy cleats, and I don’t want to ask my gran for the money because she pays for my gas anyway and—”

Coach Glickman held up a hand to stop her. “It’s okay, Emma. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. Let’s go see what we have in the collection, eh?”

He gestured in the direction of the locker rooms. Emma let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

“Just let me grab my lunch from the fridge first,” Mr. Glickman said. He slipped inside the lounge, reappearing in record time with a superman lunchbox that made Emma smile. Together, they walked down the hall. “So, Emma, are you looking forward to practise after school?”

“That feels like a loaded question,” Emma muttered, relaxing a little more when she heard the Coach’s guffaw of laughter. “No, I am. I think. I’m just nervous.”

“It’s a scary prospect, coming into a new team and a new sport,” Mr. Glickman agreed. “Especially given our first game is in less than two weeks.”

“What?”

“Oh, honey, I’m not planning to throw you in at the deep end,” Mr. Glickman said quickly when he noticed Emma had stopped walking. “I won’t play you until I know you’re ready.”

“Thank you, Coach Glickman,” Emma said, making her feet start moving again as the sudden flash of panic subsided. “I just… I know how much the team will probably want to win, and I just don’t think me playing any time soon would help with that.”

Mr. Glickman frowned at her. “You do realize you’re not a terrible player already, don’t you? And… you can call me Barry if you want to, kid. A lot of the team do.”

“I—I’ve just never played soccer before. Real soccer.” Emma shrugged. “And the team were so good when I watched them last year. I didn’t really know what was going on, but they almost won the season, right?”

“Almost.” Barry nodded. “They played thirteen games last year and only lost one. Unfortunately, that loss was in a knock-out round.”

Emma smiled faintly. “See, I don’t even know what those first games were for.”

“Okay, think of it like this,” Barry said. “Did you watch the world cup this summer?”

“Yeah.”

“So the first few matches were the group stages,” Barry said. Emma nodded, even though she had only really gotten into watching once that part had finished. “The first eight matches our team will play this season will be kind of like that. We’ll play just over half of the other teams in the district. Then, if we have enough points to be in the top four in the section, we go to sectionals. If we win sectionals, we go to regionals. If we win regionals, we go to semi-states. If we win that this year then, well, that’s when we go to state finals. It’s a lot in such a short amount of time.”

“When are state finals?”

“November second,” Barry said.

Emma gaped at him. “That’s in three months. This whole thing happens in three months? I mean, I knew it was quick from last year, but still…”

“This is why we’re going to be practising every weekday,” Barry told her. “That’s the commitment it takes, especially for the starting players.”

“I think I might just stick to being a bench-warmer,” Emma mumbled, and Barry scoffed at her.

“Don’t sell yourself short, kid. You might surprise yourself.”

Emma sighed, almost to herself. “Why does everyone keep telling me I’m going to be surprised?”

* * *

Feeling nerves fluttering in her stomach as she walked down the hallway to the girls’ locker room after her last class, Emma nonetheless pushed open the door and went inside. She was the first one there, which was a relief, as it meant that she could change into the practise kit that Barry had given her earlier while they’d been searching for cleats in her shoe size. She’d yet to be assigned a number, but she wouldn’t need it for this practise shirt.

She changed quickly, managing to pull the shorts up her legs just before the door opened and five or six girls from the team wandered inside. They nodded at Emma, who gave them an awkward smile back and focused her eyes firmly on the cleats she was pulling out of her bag. They were dark blue in color, with lighter blue laces and a matching thin stripe on them and – more importantly – they fit her comfortably. Emma just hoped she’d be able to get used to playing in them quickly.

Once she was done changing, Emma pulled her phone out of her jacket pocket, mindlessly scrolling through various apps and keeping her head down. It wasn’t like she was intending to stare at the other girls at all, but she thought it might make everyone more comfortable if she was obviously keeping her attention elsewhere.

After a little while, there was a knock on the door, and Barry’s voice carried through. “It’s me.”

“We’re all good,” Shelby called back, and only then did the door open.

“I won’t make a speech,” Barry promised. “I know you just want to get out there and work. But, for our new faces, this is how the week is going to go. Today we’ll be focusing on some individual, paired and group drills. Tomorrow we’ll go into more position-specific stuff. Wednesday is a cardio day—” a groan went up from the existing team members, “I know, it sucks, but it’s necessary. Thursday we’ll aim to get some cohesion going between the different player positions, and Friday we’ll put it all together and have a scrimmage match. Does that all sound good?”

 _Not really_ , Emma thought. But she kept her mouth shut.

She didn’t really feel any more positive about her chances of surviving the week after the warm-up. Once again, she was out of breath after the laps she’d had to run and the other cardio-focused activities. It was definitely a relief when they began the stretching part of their warm-up, even if it did bring other dangers.

Like people talking to her.

“Nice to see you’ve got better footwear today,” Shelby said, not entirely unkindly, and nodding towards Emma’s feet.

“Oh. Um, yeah.” Emma laughed nervously, pushing her glasses back up her nose with the hand she wasn’t using to hold her leg in one of the stretches.

“Where’d you end up getting them?” Kaylee asked, with interest. Alyssa, next to Kaylee, looked at Emma’s feet curiously.

“At the store,” Emma said quickly. She was not about to admit to these popular and probably much richer girls, including one she was actively crushing on, that she couldn’t even afford her own cleats.

“Which one?”

“Uh…” Emma’s mind went blank. She didn’t know if she could even name any sporting stores nearby. “The online one. You know, I just… googled.”

Shelby frowned, but didn’t push it. “Right.”

Emma chanced a glance at Alyssa, who was still staring at Emma’s shoes. Her brow was furrowed slightly, but her expression cleared once she seemed to realize that Emma was looking at her, and she just smiled at her reassuringly.

“They look great, Emma,” she said.

Blushing a little, Emma mumbled a thanks under her breath and looked away. She still didn’t know why Alyssa insisted on being so nice to her, and she didn’t quite know what to do whenever she talked to her… despite the fact that getting to talk properly to Alyssa had been one of the main reasons Emma had even tried out for the team in the first place.

She really was a complete idiot.

* * *

As it turned out, Greg had been right: Emma had been put in defense. After a bit of shuffling, Barry had decided to make Emma a right back. Emma sort of knew what that was – or, at least she’d picked up on what it was from watching soccer games over the summer – and knew that it meant she’d be on the right flank of the field rather than in the center. Barry paired her with a tall blonde girl called Natalie, who was the starting right back, and the two of them got a headstart on the next day’s drills. Natalie was kind and helpful, and seemed to genuinely want Emma to succeed, which was a relief. Emma didn’t want her to think that she was gunning for her spot or anything.

By the time four o’clock rolled around and practise ended, Emma’s brain was full to bursting trying to remember everything she’d learned. To both Barry and Natalie’s credit, they’d managed to set her up for success in the best way possible, and now it was down to Emma to not let them down. She was almost starting to feel a weird kind of pressure on her shoulders like she didn’t want to let anyone down, which wasn’t something she’d been expecting, given her plans to stay on the bench for as much of the season as possible.

“Before I let you all go, I wanted to have everyone here while our new recruits pick their numbers,” Barry said excitedly, clapping his hands together rapidly with bright eyes. “Emma, how about you go first?”

“Me?” Emma blinked in surprise. “Are—Are you sure?”

“Of course!” Barry beamed at her. “We have three through five, seven, ten, twelve, fourteen through nineteen, twenty-one and twenty-two available. Take your pick.”

“Um…” Emma had already forgotten half of the available numbers because Barry had gone through them that fast. She didn’t know what to pick. She thought back to Greg’s implication of thirteen being unlucky, and reasoned that she needed all the luck she could get. “Seven?”

“And number seven you shall be,” Barry declared. He gave her a conspiratorial wink. “Excellent choice.”

Once everyone’s jersey numbers had been settled, the team were finally dismissed. Emma walked on tired legs back to the locker room, not bothering to change back into her street clothes. She just took off her cleats and swapped them for the shoes she’d been wearing all day, intending to make a quick getaway. What she didn’t count on was that she wasn’t the only one with that idea.

“Hey,” Alyssa said, falling into step beside Emma as they walked through the quiet school hallways towards the exit. “You did good today.”

“Were you watching me?” Emma was aiming for teasing and aloof, but she couldn’t help the genuine curiosity that seeped into her voice.

“I… checked in on your progress periodically,” Alyssa admitted. “I just… I guess I’m glad you’re here.”

Emma’s heart leapt in her chest even as a niggling voice of distrust needled the back of her brain. “Why?”

“I—I don’t really know,” Alyssa said quietly, a gentle frown creasing her forehead. “Maybe I just thought that if you were a part of something like this then other kids wouldn’t be so mean to you.”

“It’s not that bad,” Emma said with a shrug. “I mean, it used to be awful, but me being a lesbian is old news now, you know?”

Alyssa’s eyes widened a little, like she hadn’t expected Emma to say it so casually. “Yeah. Still, this school isn’t exactly close to forming a GSA or anything like that, so… but the team are all cool.”

“Well, women’s soccer – especially at the pro level – does seem… kind of gay,” Emma pointed out. Alyssa’s mouth fell open slightly, and Emma backpedalled quickly. “Not that I’m saying the team is—I’m not trying to imply anything about anyone, I swear, I just—God, maybe I should just stop talking.”

“It’s okay,” Alyssa said, recovering pretty fast. “Besides, it’s not… being mistaken for gay shouldn’t be a bad thing, no matter what the kids at this school think.”

Emma just nodded, not trusting her mouth after what had just come out of it. She’d thought for a second that she’d completely blown all chances of a friendship with Alyssa. She couldn’t risk saying something stupid and doing it all over again.

“Are you getting a ride home?” Alyssa asked, changing the subject once it became clear that Emma wasn’t going to say anything else about soccer.

Emma shook her head. “No. I’m driving myself home.”

“You have a car? That must be nice.” Alyssa looked almost wistful. “My mom still won’t… I mean, I don’t have one. So I’m getting a ride home from my mom.”

“She’s the head of the PTA, right?” Emma knew of Mrs. Greene all too well.

“Yep, in all her power-addled glory,” Alyssa said, laughing a little weakly. “She alternates wildly between being a full-blown soccer mom, or not coming to a single game, depending on the change in the wind.”

“Oh.” Emma wasn’t quite sure what to say to that.

Alyssa chewed on her bottom lip. “Sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”

“It’s fine,” Emma said quickly.

They’d reached the doors to the school. Alyssa stopped walking, and Emma hesitated. Her truck was right outside; she should go. But, as much as she’d put her foot in her mouth during this conversation, she didn’t want to leave Alyssa.

“My mom won’t be here for a couple of minutes,” Alyssa said, by way of explanation. “And I’d rather wait in here than out in that sun.”

“That’s fair,” Emma said. “Um, I could wait with you, if…”

Alyssa smiled at her, tilting her head to the side. “Please don’t take offense to this, Emma, but you look like you’re about to collapse if you don’t sit down within the next sixty seconds.”

She wasn’t wrong. A part of Emma wanted nothing more than to collapse into the driver’s seat of her car as soon as possible. And maybe she should; maybe this was Alyssa’s gentle way of dismissing her.

“Yeah,” Emma said. “I should get home.”

“Right.” Alyssa smiled at her, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. She nodded to the slightly grassy cleats in Emma’s hand. “Great footwork today, by the way. Looks like they’re helping your balance.”

“It’s definitely better when I don’t constantly feel like I’m going to slip over,” Emma agreed.

“They’re good quality cleats.”

“Yeah,” Emma said. “Definitely a good investment.”

She turned to go, but felt guilt bubbling up within her at even the small lie. She didn’t know Alyssa that well, and Alyssa didn’t really know her. There wouldn’t be any harm in keeping up this innocent charade. But something inside Emma compelled her to tell the truth. She’d much rather know if Alyssa was going to judge her for this now rather than later.

“Actually, I have to tell you something,” she said, spinning back to face Alyssa. “I didn’t buy them. I… I actually couldn’t afford to buy cleats, so Barry gave me a pair that had been donated by someone else a couple of years ago or something. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but I know there’s a lot of brand competition and that having the perfect footwear is really important and… I just didn’t want anyone to think less of me. So I panicked earlier, and I lied and said I bought them. But the truth is that I got them for free from the donated kit collection in the Phys Ed office.”

Alyssa was silent for a while, just long enough that Emma started to worry, before she said, “I know.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Alyssa said. She shrugged one shoulder, a slightly bashful half-smile on her face. “I know because, well, they used to be my cleats.”

“They…” Emma was mortified. “Oh, God. So when I lied about it earlier, you knew?”

“I wasn’t sure,” Alyssa said. “I was thinking that they looked familiar, but you’re not exactly the most convincing liar, Emma, so it wasn’t that hard to work out.”

“That’s so embarrassing,” Emma murmured. Her face felt hot.

Alyssa took a step closer. “It’s not embarrassing, okay? I understand why you said what you did. People can be judgy, or weird, about the whole donations thing.”

“Not you, though?” Emma asked cautiously.

“I don’t think any less of you, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Alyssa said gently. “And you don’t have to explain anything to me. My mom bought me those cleats, and then a couple years ago she bought me new ones, so I didn’t pay for mine either. Half the team didn’t buy their own cleats; their parents did.”

“Oh.” Emma let out a breath. “That’s… thank you. For saying all that.”

“Of course,” Alyssa said. She took a deep breath. “We all want you to feel comfortable on this team, Emma. Nobody should have to… pretend. Not here.”

Emma nodded mutely. Alyssa’s gaze went unfocused for a split second, but then she blinked, and her expression cleared once more. A comfortable silence descended over the two of them. It made Emma nervous, so she cleared her throat, and broke it.

“I should get home,” she said. “For real this time.”

“Yeah, totally.” Alyssa nodded. “I’ll, uh, see you tomorrow, Nolan.”

Emma allowed herself a smile only once she’d turned around to face the doors. “See you tomorrow, Greene,” she threw back over her shoulder, and walked outside feeling lighter than she had since she’d first shown up at tryouts.


	3. Chapter 3

The second practise had to be easier than the first one had been, Emma reasoned. For a start, she knew where she would be on the field – having gone home and found out everything she could about right backs and their roles on the pitch – and as such, she felt a lot more confident as she laced up her cleats and followed the rest of the team out onto the soccer pitch for their warm up.

Again, Barry sent her to work closely with Natalie. However, this time he sent Hayden over with them. Hayden completed their blonde trio, but she was markedly shorter than both Emma and Natalie. She was a striker, along with Shelby and Kaylee and a couple of other players, and all Emma could really remember from seeing her play was that she was surprisingly fast. Kaylee and Shelby may have been the usual starting forwards, but if they needed a third – or, indeed, if Barry subbed one of the ‘dream team’ off – Hayden was always ready.

“I want you to practise tackling the ball off an attacker,” Barry explained to Emma.

Emma nodded; this was, after all, something she’d been working on with Greg in the lead up to tryouts. No problem.

As it turned out, however, Hayden was not as easy to dispossess as Greg had been.

After Hayden nutmegged her for the fourth time in a row by kicking the ball between her feet to get it past her, Emma was beginning to lose that confidence that she’d started with. Natalie gave her direction, and Emma tried to take it, but she couldn’t help but feel like she was completely out of her depth with this team. She was definitely going to be a weak link come Friday’s scrimmage.

Oh, God. She’d actually have to _play_.

“You can tackle me properly,” Hayden offered. “Really, it’s what I’m used to.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Emma said. “Or myself. I don’t… really know how to actually tackle someone. I don’t even know what makes it a foul in half the matches I’ve watched.”

“Okay, so we’ll save slide tackles for a different day,” Natalie suggested. “But, essentially, if you kick the ball then you’re good. If you kick your opponent, then that’s generally a foul.”

“Got it. Don’t kick Hayden.”

“Use the inside of your foot to block the ball,” Natalie said, motioning Hayden towards her. “Like this.”

Emma watched as Natalie stole the ball off Hayden, their upper bodies coming into contact as they clashed, which was apparently perfectly fine. Natalie passed to Emma, who stopped the ball automatically with her foot and ran through the sequence of events in her brain.

“So, as long as my feet are clean, contact is fine?”

“You got it,” Hayden said.

“Sorry, it’s just that Greg could get a little fuzzy on the rules,” Emma explained.

Hayden raised an eyebrow. “Who’s Greg?”

“My cousin,” Emma said. “He’s the one who helped me with some of the basics before tryouts. Believe it or not, I was way worse at the start of this.”

“Hey, you’re not bad,” Hayden reassured her. “You’re just… new. Here. Try the front block again like Nat showed you.”

Emma kicked the ball to Hayden, who started dribbling towards her. Emma waited for the right time as she went to meet her, eventually deciding to go for it and moving in for the tackle, and finally succeeding in getting the ball off her. She knew Hayden was going a little easy on her. But, all the same, Emma still felt a surge of pride that she’d been able to do it right.

“Better?” Natalie asked.

Emma nodded, but she was suddenly distracted by movement out of the corner of her eye. She glanced over at where Alyssa was drilling passes with the other midfielders, moving the ball quickly from one end of their area to the other. They themselves moved so fast that Emma wasn’t always able to predict what the next pass would be. She supposed that was the point.

“Nolan, watch out!”

Natalie’s warning came too late. Emma was smacked in the side of the face by a soccer ball – punted from the new backup goalkeeper – and she cried out in surprise and pain. Her glasses were knocked clean off her face, falling to the grass at her feet, and she swayed on the spot as she tried to keep her balance.

Emma gingerly put a hand to her cheek, which was smarting from the blow, blinking rapidly as if that would fix the fuzziness of her vision. It didn’t. Her eyes watered; she forced herself not to cry. Her face felt hot.

“Here,” a voice said. Emma could make out Barry holding something out to her, and after a dazed moment, she realized it was her glasses. “Are you alright?”

“Thanks.” She wiped the lenses with her shirt and put them back on, looking sheepishly at the ground. If she hadn’t been so distracted, she might have been able to see the flying soccer ball coming, and then everyone wouldn’t be staring at her like they were now. “I’m okay.”

“Have you considered playing in contacts?” Barry asked her. “At least as far as scrimmages and matches go? There’s likely to be more incidents like this one and I don’t want you getting hurt if you get hit straight on.”

“I… I guess I could,” Emma said slowly. “I definitely don’t want to break my glasses. Or my face.”

“Do you need to take five minutes?” Barry lowered his voice. “You look a little stunned.”

Emma shook her head firmly. “I’m fine,” she insisted.

Barry didn’t look completely convinced, but Emma tried to ignore his worried gaze. She didn’t even look at Alyssa for fear of what her expression might hold. She just wanted to get back to practising; to improving, so that she wouldn’t be as much of a weak link come Friday.

* * *

“How was your day, sweetheart?” Betsy asked, when Emma walked through the door on Wednesday afternoon. Well, ‘walked’ was perhaps a little ambitious. Emma felt like she was staggering, barely able to put one foot in front of the other on the short journey from her car to the couch. She flopped down onto it in a heap and groaned. Betsy hummed. “Really? That good?”

“Cardio day,” Emma mumbled, by way of explanation.

“Ah.”

“I can’t feel my legs,” Emma said. “Or my arms.”

The couch dipped next to her, and Emma lifted her heavy head to see her gran sitting next to her with a sympathetic expression on her face. “Take a nice long bath later,” she suggested.

Emma groaned. “I don’t even know what I was thinking, trying out for this team. I’m not an athlete.”

“Well, you’re wrong about that,” Betsy said. “You’re on the soccer team. I think that automatically makes you an athlete.”

“Just because I’m on the team doesn’t mean I’m any good.”

“Listen to me, Emma Nolan.” Betsy’s voice turned firm. “I know it’s hard. I know you’re playing catch up. But you’re a part of that team. You’re a part of something special. Lord knows I still don’t fully understand _why_ you tried out, but I’m glad you did. I’m so proud of you.”

Emma blinked. “You are?”

“I am. And you had better believe I’ll be in the stands at every single one of your games.”

“Even if I never actually play?” Emma asked with a wry smile.

“Even then,” Betsy assured her.

Emma winced as she shifted herself on the couch, readjusting until she could lean her head on her grandmother’s shoulder. “I love you, gran.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” Betsy said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “ _And_ I’m making lasagne for dinner.”

Emma gasped. “You really do love me.”

* * *

“Blue team: Carrie, you’re in goal. I want Alexia, Jess, Naomi and Emma in defense, left to right.” Barry checked them all off one by one after their warmup on Friday afternoon. Emma went to go and stand with her team, feeling nerves clawing in the pit of her belly as Barry continued. “I want four midfielders for blue team, I think. Gwen, Linda, Mina and Alyssa. Kaylee and Hayden up front.”

“You can’t split up the dream team, Coach,” Shelby protested. Kaylee made sad eyes at her as she walked over to the blue team.

Barry snorted. “I think I just did. Alyssa, you’re captaining the blue team, okay?”

“Okay.” Alyssa nodded, taking the ‘C’-emblazoned armband from him and strapping it around her upper arm with a small smile.

“The rest of you are red team,” Barry said, turning to the remaining players. “Shelby, it’s up to you to decide if you’re going to play a four-three-three, or if you’re going to play one of your forwards as an attacking midfielder. Let’s see some flair.”

Shelby nodded nervously. “You got it. Uh. We’ll do a four-three-three… really test their defense.”

Emma groaned under her breath. Alyssa appeared to hear her, though, if the sympathetic smile she sent her was any indication. Suddenly, Emma was feeling nervous butterflies in her stomach for an entirely different reason. She reached up automatically to fiddle with her glasses but dropped her hand when she remembered that, as per Barry’s suggestion, she was trying contacts for this scrimmage match.

She tried to remember every single thing she’d observed and learned about gameplay as she put on the bad-smelling blue bib.

Barry blew the whistle, and then everything was a blur. Naomi, one of the centerbacks, helped Emma out a lot when a red forward would try to press the blue defense and, between the two of them, they weren’t doing a bad job. It helped that Carrie was an excellent goalkeeper.

Emma found out that the downside to Shelby’s chosen formation – despite the advantage of having three forwards – was that Alyssa’s midfield had the edge. Especially because Alyssa was in that midfield.

Although they’d done some work on linking play the previous day, Emma still wasn’t very practised at passing the ball through to midfield, at least not with opposing players in the way. But, about fifteen minutes into the first of the two twenty-five minute scrimmage halves, something odd started to happen.

She was actually able to consistently pass the ball to Alyssa.

It was like Alyssa knew where Emma would be most comfortable sending the ball to, and then she would appear there, leaving her mark behind and making herself available. Emma didn’t know how she was able to read her so well, but she wasn’t about to question it, especially when Alyssa’s cross to Hayden resulted in a goal.

In fact, the main reasons the blue team won the scrimmage by a narrow margin were because Carrie came up big with her saves, and Kaylee and Hayden took advantage of a keeper that didn’t know their tendencies that well. Emma liked to think that she hadn’t been as much of a weak link as expected, though, particularly after she’d found her rhythm of passing to either Naomi or Alyssa.

Emma was almost enjoying herself by the time Barry blew the final whistle.

Mostly, though, she was relieved that the week was over and she could stay in her pajamas for the next two days and recover. Emma didn’t think she’d done as much exercise in a whole month as she had the past five days. She was exhausted.

“How do you feel?” Alyssa asked, sidling up to her on the way back to the locker room.

“Um… it’s definitely been a week.” Emma resisted the urge to blindly insist she was fine.

Alyssa brushed their shoulders together lightly as they walked. “You’ve done really well. In case you were worried otherwise.”

“I… thanks,” Emma said, feeling her face heating up at Alyssa’s praise. “You did most of the legwork today, though. How did you know where to be all the time?”

“I just read your body,” Alyssa said, shrugging her shoulders, and then her eyes widened. “I mean… I read your body language, like which way your hips were facing and stuff like that. Not—Not that I was watching your…" Alyssa closed her eyes momentarily and took a breath. "God, what I’m trying to say is that people give little physical cues as to where they’re wanting to send the ball, and I guess I can just read your cues really well.”

Alyssa, at some point during her stumbled explanation, had halted in her steps. Emma didn’t really know what to say to all that. But Alyssa looked like she _really_ didn’t want Emma to comment on it, so she didn’t.

“Well, thanks for not making me look dumb out there,” she said. Alyssa relaxed, and the two of them started walking again. “Hey, are you excited for a weekend of freedom?”

Alyssa laughed. “Freedom? Not in my house. Aside from the gym sessions I’m going to have to go to, my mother wants me to start doing early applications to colleges on top of all the homework I already have.”

“Shit.” Emma whistled lowly. “Hold on. Why are you going to the gym? We’ve been working out practically non-stop for the past five days.”

“Weight-lifting session,” Alyssa said. “But not too heavy. Mom doesn’t think I should want to get that muscled. She says boys will find it too intimidating.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“I know.” Alyssa sighed heavily. “But you get used to it.”

“Is she coming to the game next weekend?” Emma asked, frowning slightly when Alyssa just shrugged.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I hope she does. It’s a home game, at least, so she won’t have far to go.”

By this point, they’d reached the locker room. For a moment, they stood awkwardly by the door, and then Emma jerked a thumb over her shoulder and nodded to where her kit bag was sat on one of the benches.

“I should… I gotta go,” she said, once again not bothering to change before she left.

She planned to avoid changing around Alyssa for as long as possible. She didn’t want to even be tempted to look, especially after Alyssa’s talk of gyms and weight-lifting. She didn’t want Alyssa to think she was a creep. She didn't want to _be_ a creep.

Although, if her earlier verbal back-peddling had been any indication, Alyssa was also being careful not to cross any lines with her. Emma didn’t know why exactly; she definitely didn’t want to assume it was for the same reasons, because she’d only be setting herself up for disappointment. As far as she knew, Alyssa wasn’t interested in girls, least of all her.

She’d probably just been worried about Emma reading into things wrong. Reading their tentative friendship wrong. That was all it was. That was all it ever would be.

And Emma was okay with that.

* * *

Greg sat down next to Emma on the couch, after soccer practise on Tuesday of the following week. Emma, engrossed in the soccer game playing on her laptop, barely acknowledged him. He sat in silence for a while before speaking.

“So. Do you think Glickman is gonna put you in this Saturday?”

Emma didn’t hesitate. “Nope.”

“Why not?” Greg nudged her. Emma paused the game and turned to face him.

“Barry told me he wouldn’t play me until I’m ready,” she said, shrugging one shoulder. “I’m not ready yet.”

“Does that mean I can skip the game?” Greg asked. He dodged Emma’s half-hearted swat of the hand. “Kidding!”

“Someone has to drive gran there,” Emma reminded him. “I’m going early for the team meeting and I don’t want her to have to hang around for that long before the match. Besides…” she paused, chewing on her bottom lip for a moment. “The whole team need your support, not just me.”

“The _whole_ team, huh?”

“Yes.” Emma willed herself not to blush. “School spirit and all that.”

Greg narrowed his eyes. “Sure.”

“Just make sure you’re there, and gran too,” Emma said. “It’s really important that this team knows they have the backing.”

She suspected that Greg could see right through her but, thankfully, he didn’t push it. “Okay. We’ll be there.”

“Thanks,” Emma mumbled, pressing play on the match.

“Can I watch with you?” Greg asked.

Emma smiled, tilting her laptop so that he had a better view. “Yeah.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is there actually mentions of a match in this chapter? let's find out!

“Okay, everyone, bring it in!” Barry blew his whistle after the warmup and everyone circled around. “Our first game is in two days’ time, and I’m really proud of the progress you’ve all made, both individually and as a team. But this is still a new squad, so what I want to do is some team-building today before we get down to the drills later.”

A ripple went through the team; girls looking at each other in apprehension at the possibility of trust falls or a sharing circle. Emma really hoped she wouldn’t be required to talk about herself to the rest of the team. She was friendly with a few of them, but she definitely wouldn’t go as far as to call any of them her friend.

Except maybe Alyssa, but Emma didn’t know if that was just wishful thinking, or whether Alyssa actually wanted to be her friend.

“I have a list of challenges,” Barry announced. “I’m going to divide you into teams – four groups of four and two groups of three – and you’re going to complete each of these challenges. Evidence must be provided for each task so I know there’s been no cheating.”

Emma was getting more and more perplexed. She didn’t see how exactly this was meant to make them a better team. She watched as Barry surveyed them all. His eyes narrowed slightly until finally he appeared to have worked out his groups.

“Team one: Kaylee, Carrie, Alexia, Hayden,” he said, pointing at each girl. “Team two: Natalie, Mina, Linda, Jess. Team three: Shelby, Gwen, Alyssa… and Emma.”

Emma let out a relieved breath. Shelby scared her a little bit, but she at least seemed to know what she was doing, and Alyssa was one of the nicest people she’d ever met. Gwen she didn’t know very well, but everyone seemed to get along with her, so Emma wasn’t particularly worried.

Once Barry had named all six teams, he set about handing each team a sheet of paper, upon which there was a bullet pointed list of challenges. Shelby took the paper and held it out so that all four of them could see it. Emma, in all honesty, didn’t take much of it onboard.

“First team to complete wins.” And with that, Barry set them off.

Immediately, Shelby settled into a leadership role. “We’ll need a phone to record the evidence for some of these things,” she noted, scanning the list. “Gwen, you’ve got the longest legs. Can you run back to the locker room to get your phone and meet us in the Chem lab?”

Gwen nodded, immediately taking off in a sprint, her red ponytail streaming out behind her like a trail of fire. Emma followed Shelby and Alyssa towards one of the entrances to the school. She didn’t really have any idea what was happening, but she decided to just go with it.

Shelby grabbed a pen from the empty teacher’s desk as soon as they entered the lab.

“Is that one of the things we need to bring back?” Emma asked.

“No, it’s just to cross off the things we’ve done,” Shelby said, looking at her a little strangely.

Emma flushed. “Oh. Sorry, I just thought you were doing the ‘steal school property’ one.”

“Emma, that’s brilliant!” Alyssa turned to her with wide eyes, and Emma felt her face getting even hotter. Even Shelby looked impressed.

“Shit, I didn’t even think of that. It’s got the school’s initials on it and everything. Nice catch, Nolan.”

Shelby crossed off an item from the list just as Gwen came running in, only a little out of breath as she waved her phone in the air. “Got it!”

“Awesome,” Shelby said. “Okay. Emma, I need you to grab some hydrochloric acid. Alyssa, get some zinc from over there, and Gwen, grab a flask from the cupboard over there.”

Emma was a little concerned, but she trusted Shelby and obeyed, bringing the zinc over to one of the desks. Gwen opened up the camera app on her phone, giving them a thumbs up when she’d started recording. Shelby sent a grin at Alyssa.

“Mix them together, Greene.”

Alyssa poured a little hydrochloric acid into the flask, standing back as she dropped a small amount of zinc into it. Immediately, the mixture started bubbling. Nothing else happened. Emma turned to Shelby in confusion, wondering why she’d picked this relatively simple chemical reaction.

“Cut,” Shelby told Gwen, turning to Emma and Alyssa. “Okay, let’s clear this up before we keep going. I’ll tick ‘make hydrogen gas’ off the list.”

“Why the hell was ‘make hydrogen gas’ on the list for _soccer teambuilding_?” Emma asked, quickly clearing everything away. “Is anyone else a little concerned about that?”

“No time to be concerned,” Shelby said with a slightly terrifying grin on her face. “I was hoping for a bigger reaction, if I’m honest. That’s why I asked Alyssa to mix them together.”

“What, just because she exploded peanut brittle in the first class of junior year?” Emma asked.

Alyssa groaned. “You remember that?”

“I was there!” Emma couldn’t help but laugh. “It was incredible.”

“Yeah, well, your form sucks, Greene,” Shelby teased. “You couldn’t pull out the explosion when it might’ve gotten us bonus points. Let’s go.”

She and Gwen took off down the hall. Emma shot an amused glance at Alyssa as they followed. Alyssa shook her head, almost to herself, and grinned ruefully at her.

“I’m never going to live that down, am I?”

“Probably not,” Emma said. She neglected to mention that she would never forget that day even if everyone else did.

Most of the rest of the challenges were less worrying than the hydrogen one, but still pretty weird, including but not limited to: ‘Invent an embarrassing dance move’, ‘knee slide down the hall’, ‘find a grape-scented marker pen’, and ‘bring me the finest blade of grass’. Emma felt like she was having some sort of fever dream, but the other girls didn’t seem all that perturbed by it. Emma supposed they were more used to how Barry ran his coaching sessions than she was.

“Just one more to go,” Gwen said, as Alyssa crossed off another item on the list. Gwen peeked over her shoulder and barked out a laugh. “Oh, you’re gonna love this one, Gonzales.”

“’Hit the crossbar five times’,” Alyssa read aloud. Shelby’s expression darkened.

“That son of a bitch. He did that on purpose.”

“Let’s go.” Alyssa snorted as she tried to hide her laughter, pushing Shelby along as they sprinted back to the soccer pitch. Kaylee’s team was already there, setting up a ball on the penalty spot, and Shelby picked up the pace.

“Get me a ball,” she growled. “Let’s do this.”

“Wait,” Alyssa said. “I’ve got a better idea. Gwen, film me.”

Gwen hit record, following Alyssa with her phone as she ran up to where Kaylee and her team were just about to take their first shot at the crossbar. Emma wasn’t entirely sure what was about to happen. She wondered if Alyssa’s plan was to steal the ball from Kaylee, but she just ran straight past her towards the goal.

Emma watched in awe as Alyssa jumped from the ground, hitting the crossbar with her hand, and repeated the motion four more times. As soon as she landed from the fifth jump, she turned on her heel and sprinted back towards the team.

“Go, go, go!”

Emma ran, falling into step beside a giggling Alyssa as they raced towards where Barry was waiting. She could hear noises of protest from Kaylee’s team behind them, and couldn’t help the smile that began to spread across her face at the way Barry was laughing.

“We did it,” Shelby announced. They handed over Gwen’s phone, along with the marker pen, the JMHS pen, the blade of grass they’d selected, and Mr. Oliver the drama teacher’s coffee mug.

Barry looked through the video clips, his grin widening with every single one, and finally he handed the phone back over and shook Shelby’s hand. “Congratulations, team… which number were you again?”

“Three.”

“Congratulations, team three!” Barry beamed at them all. “Take a water break while we wait for everyone else. After this is done, we’re going to work on penalty kicks.”

Shelby’s smile dropped from her face. “Are you _kidding_ me?”

* * *

"Hey, the challenge just said 'hit the crossbar five times'," Alyssa told Kaylee, holding her hands up. "There was nothing stating it had to be with the ball."

“So, Nolan, why did you pick number seven anyway?” Shelby asked Emma, before Kaylee could respond.

The four of them were sitting on the grass with Kaylee, whose team had placed second, as they waited for the last two or three teams to complete the game. Emma shrugged.

“I don’t know… I think maybe because seven is supposed to be a lucky number,” she said. “And I need all the luck I can get.”

“You didn’t pick the number because of an existing player?” Kaylee asked, brow furrowed and distracted from her gripe with Alyssa.

Emma just blinked. “No… did you?”

“Alex Morgan,” Kaylee said proudly.

“Oh, she’s on the national team, right?” Emma remembered the name from watching the world cup games over summer, and the press that had ensued after the USA’s victory. Kaylee nodded.

“I picked number twenty after Sam Kerr.” Shelby shrugged. Emma frowned as she wracked her brain.

Alyssa saved her. “She’s a forward on the Australian national team.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, she’s super cool and she's their captain,” Shelby said. “She’s aggressive on the ball, and she’s creative, and she can score from all kinds of crazy angles and do bicycle kicks, and I just want to be her.”

“She’s cute, too,” Alyssa murmured. There was a long pause, and then she blinked in surprise. "Wait. Did—Did I say that out loud?”

Gwen looked thoroughly amused. “You did.”

“I just meant that, um, she’s pretty in a very natural way,” Alyssa said quickly, eyes wide. “Like she’s not trying to perform femininity for anyone’s benefit and she just is who she is, you know?”

“Uh-huh.” Gwen rested her chin in her hand. “Keep going.”

“Shut up,” Alyssa huffed, appearing a little panicked. “I didn’t—I’m not—I can’t—”

Shelby interrupted her, a concerned expression on her face. “I wonder if I could do a backflip. You know, like Kerr sometimes does as a goal celebration.”

“Shelbs, you’d break your neck,” Kaylee said firmly.

“Do it,” Emma said immediately.

Kaylee rounded on her. “Please don’t encourage her.”

“No, I think she should at least try,” Gwen reasoned.

Shelby, Kaylee and Gwen set off on a debate, taking the attention away from Alyssa. Emma looked at her cautiously. Alyssa’s eyes were closed and she was breathing slowly and deeply. Her eyes opened once more, and Emma looked away quickly, embarrassed to have been caught watching.

Her mind was reeling. Was Alyssa panicking for the reason Emma _thought_ she was panicking? Could her initial guess on Alyssa’s sexuality have been wrong after all? She didn’t want to make Alyssa uncomfortable by saying anything about something that had clearly thrown her off-balance. So, she simply gave her a reassuring smile.

“Do you think Shelby could land a backflip?” she asked.

Alyssa visibly relaxed. She shot Emma a grateful look. “Not a chance.”

* * *

Emma took a deep breath and pulled the jersey over her head. It was deep red in color, with the number seven emblazoned in gold on the back and a pawprint on the front. ‘J.M.H.S Wildcats’ was written around it in the same gold lettering. She had to admit, their home jerseys were beautiful.

Once again, Emma was the first person in the locker room, so she could change into her kit in peace. She laced up her cleats – _Alyssa’s_ old cleats – carefully. She had butterflies in her stomach, which was odd given that she didn’t expect to play this afternoon, and the game was still a couple of hours away.

There was a knock at the door. Emma paused before answering, “Come in?”

Barry peeked his head through, his expression relaxing as he caught sight of Emma.

“Hey, kid,” he greeted. “I didn’t know if anyone was gonna be here already, but I should’ve known.”

Emma shrugged one shoulder. “I like to be early.”

“I can tell. You leave early, too,” Barry noted.

“I… yeah, I guess so,” Emma said, faltering a little. Barry just smiled a little sadly at her.

“It’s okay, kid,” he said. “I know what you’re going through. But trust me when I say that this team are fine. They won’t… they’re not thinking what you’re afraid they’re thinking.”

Emma clenched her jaw against the sudden lump rising in her throat. “I just don’t want to make anyone feel weird.”

“You won’t, and it wouldn't be your fault if they did. That would be on them.” Barry promised. “And if anyone says something, tell me. I’ll talk to them.” He sighed heavily, regarding Emma with a certain pain in his eyes that Emma could tell he was trying to mask. “I know what the kids at this school can be like, but equality is something I make sure all the girls on this team take seriously.”

“It’s just hard. Being the only out person in the school.”

“Of the students, sure,” Barry said. “And I know a middle-aged gay man and a teenage lesbian are worlds apart, but… I’m always here if you want to talk.”

Tears sprung to Emma’s eyes. She swallowed. “Thank you.”

“Stay with the rest of the team after the game,” Barry said. “Win or lose. Don’t run away.”

“I… I’ll try,” Emma said. Barry nodded at her and turned to go as the door opened and a few of the team walked in. “Barry?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re still not gonna make me play today, right?”

Barry laughed. “No. Promise.”

“Okay, cool,” Emma said, breathing a sigh of relief and managing a smile.

“I want you to observe the game,” Barry said. “Really _watch_ it.”

“I will,” Emma promised. “Thank you. For… all of it, really.”

“Of course,” Barry said. “Enjoy it, kid.”

* * *

Alyssa flopped down next to her on the bench at half time, startling Emma out of her reverie. She immediately noticed the light sheen of sweat on Alyssa’s face and the curls that had escaped her ponytail, and blushed. Thankfully, Alyssa didn’t notice; there was a crease between her eyes as she looked behind where they were sat, like she was annoyed about something.

“Are you okay?” Emma asked. “I still don’t know a lot about soccer, but I don’t think Shelby was offside when you sent in that cross.”

“Huh?” Alyssa turned to look at her, expression clearing suddenly. “Oh, no, it’s not that. She was offside.”

Emma grimaced. “Shows how much I know.”

“I’ll teach you the offside rule another day, if you want?”

She said it casually, but it still made Emma’s heart flutter. “Sure.”

“You enjoying seeing the team in action?” Alyssa asked. “From this perspective, I mean.”

“I am, actually,” Emma said, shaking her head a little abashedly at the teasing tone Alyssa’s voice had taken on. “Much better view than the top of the stands.”

“I bet.” Alyssa quirked her lips to the side. “I hope you get to experience what it’s like on the pitch soon.”

Emma blanched. “Oh, I—I don’t know if I’m ready for—”

“I’ve got your back out there,” Alyssa interrupted quietly. “I just wanted you to know that.”

“I, uh, think I should be the one who has your back,” Emma joked weakly. “You know, cause I’m a defender.”

Alyssa snorted under her breath. “Yeah.”

Emma cursed her own awkwardness as they fell into silence. The main point of her trying out for this team was to talk to Alyssa, and she couldn’t even do that. It was pathetic. She stole a glance at the girl sitting next to her, noting that – once again – she was frowning up at the stands.

“She didn’t come,” Alyssa muttered eventually. And, suddenly, it clicked.

“Your mother?”

Alyssa nodded. “It’s a home game, and she couldn’t even be bothered to turn up.”

“I’m sorry,” Emma said softly. “It probably won’t help, but you won’t be seeing my parents at a single game either.”

Recognition passed over Alyssa’s face, and Emma knew she was remembering the blowout last year when Emma’s parents had kicked her out of the house after she’d tried to come out to them.

“But, um, my grandma’s here, and she’s cheering for the whole team, including you," Emma said hurriedly. "My cousin’s here, too, but he’s kind of a shit cheerleader.”

That got a laugh from Alyssa. “It’s the thought that counts. Thank them for me?”

She placed a hand lightly on Emma’s knee and squeezed. Emma’s breath caught in her throat. Their eyes met, and it was like Emma couldn’t look away, even though this amount of prolonged eye contact was probably weirding Alyssa out completely. She cleared her throat.

“Uh-huh.”

“Greene!” Shelby’s voice broke whatever spell had been cast. Alyssa blinked rapidly, pulling her hand back from Emma’s knee, and turned to face their captain. “Tactics talk, come on.”

“Right.” Alyssa got up from the bench and flashed Emma a quick smile before turning and following Shelby to the huddle of players that would be going on in the second half.

Emma looked behind her, up at the stands, to find her gran waving at her. Grinning a little and shaking her head, she waved back. Greg gave her a thumbs up. Emma pulled a face at him. She spent the next few minutes communicating non-verbally with the two of them, until the whistle from the pitch got her attention, and she realized that the game had just started again.

Their opposing team seemed to be tiring a little as the clock hit the sixty-minute mark. The Wildcats, Emma noticed, were quick to take advantage of little defensive mistakes. Gwen sent a through ball to a charging (and this time onside) Shelby, who chipped the ball over the keeper’s head and into the net for the first goal of the match. Emma found herself getting so caught up in it all that she was on her feet without even registering when it was that she’d stood.

Seeing the game played out by her teammates in front of her helped Emma to understand what it was she’d hopefully be doing before too long. The defense closed down the opposing team’s attacks, winning possession and protecting Carrie, and launched the Wildcats’ counter attacks by sending the ball back to midfield. For a relatively new team, Emma thought they’d gelled pretty well. It helped, of course, that the returning members of the team were all so in tune with each other.

As if proving her point, Alyssa began a run up the right flank of the field. She did a give-and-go to get around her mark with Linda who, while new to the school, had apparently been playing for years. With the ball at her feet, Alyssa dribbled higher and higher up the pitch. She nutmegged the left back, looked up, and crossed the ball low on the ground in Shelby’s direction.

Emma thought she heard Kaylee, sprinting through a clear path on Shelby’s other side, yell something. Whatever it was, it made Shelby run straight over the ball without touching it. Kaylee’s left foot connected with Alyssa's pass, sending it soaring past the keeper and into the top corner of the goal.

Kaylee ran to Shelby, who caught her a little haphazardly when she jumped on her, and clapped Alyssa on the back when she went to join in on the group hug. Emma was clapping so hard her palms were starting to sting, a little bit in awe of what she’d just witnessed.

The final whistle blew with James Madison securing a 2-0 victory over their opponents.

The atmosphere in the locker room was jubilant, and Emma felt herself getting swept up in the excitement, so much so that it didn’t even occur to her to grab her things and leave right away. Instead, she did as Barry had suggested, and stayed.

And, sure, she kept her eyes firmly away from everyone else when they changed, and she sat herself down in a corner and faced the wall as she changed too, but it was progress. As everyone chatted happily with each other on their way out, Emma wondered if maybe, just maybe, she could actually become a _real_ part of this team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! i only have a loose outline for this fic so please feel free to throw out fun suggestions for me to maybe write in!


	5. Chapter 5

Emma was just about done with this week. Thankfully, it was Friday afternoon, and although she’d be attending the Wildcats’ match tomorrow, it was an away game and so she wouldn’t need to set foot on school property for two whole days after today. Still, she should probably get to her next class before she was late.

“Hey.”

Emma almost jumped out of her skin before she realized it was Alyssa who had come up to her locker. “Hi.”

“I didn’t see you at lunch today,” Alyssa said. “Again.”

Emma cleared her throat. “I wasn’t hungry,” she lied. “Went to the library to get some homework done.”

“Emma…”

Groaning, Emma turned to face her and shut the door of her locker. “Dammit, why can’t I lie to you?”

“Because lying doesn’t come naturally to you,” Alyssa said quietly. “You couldn’t not tell me the truth about the cleats, and I know you want to tell me the truth about why you haven’t been at lunch lately.”

Emma glanced around the almost deserted hallway and sighed. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Humor me, then,” Alyssa suggested. “Vent to a friend.”

“We’re friends?”

Alyssa opened and closed her mouth. “I mean, yeah, I thought… um, only if you want to be friends, though.”

“I’d love to be friends,” Emma breathed, almost completely forgetting about the crappy week she’d had, because Alyssa was smiling a little nervously at her and it was making her heart flutter. “I… honestly didn’t think you’d want to.”

Alyssa’s face fell. “Why would you think… Emma, I’m so sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like—”

“No, no, it’s not you!” Emma interrupted her hastily. “It’s just that, um, nobody here has ever wanted to be my friend, I guess. Like, even if they’re not homophobic themselves, they care about what the homophobes here think about them.”

“They shouldn’t.” Alyssa’s gaze dropped to her own shoes. Emma sighed.

“In an ideal world, they wouldn’t. But I’m not naïve, Alyssa,” she said simply. “You want to know why I haven’t been at lunch this week? Some of the football players realized I was on the soccer team when they saw me on the bench at the weekend. It must’ve pissed them off or something, because a few of them cornered me on Monday and advised me to lay low.”

“That’s…” Alyssa lowered her voice. “Did they hurt you?”

Emma shook her head. “No. I think that’s phase two.”

“That’s awful.” Alyssa’s eyes were wide. “I can take some of the girls and we can talk to the guys on the football team if you want.”

“No, please, no,” Emma said quickly. “Drawing attention to this, or putting anyone else in the crosshairs, is the last thing I want to do. Besides, I’m not expecting anyone on the team to…”

“To what? Stick up for one of our own?”

Emma chuckled a little sadly. “I’m not really… one of you, though.”

“You are,” Alyssa told her firmly. Fire burned in her brown eyes. “Sit with me, and Kaylee and Shelby, at lunch next week.”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to—”

“Too bad, Nolan. It’s happening.” Alyssa started to back away with a determined look on her face. “See you at practise after school, yeah?”

“See you,” Emma echoed. She watched Alyssa walk away with butterflies in her tummy, letting out a slow breath through her nose. Alyssa considered her a friend. Alyssa wanted her to have lunch with her and her friends. Alyssa was looking out for her.

Maybe this week wasn’t a complete bust after all.

* * *

Emma had been wrong about one thing.

She had to set foot on school property come Saturday, but only for long enough to get on the bus with the rest of the team; the one that would take them to Avon Vale High School. It was a ninety-minute drive, and Emma took a seat near the front of the bus right away, pulling her headphones out of her bag and slipping them over her ears.

She was the first one off the bus after Barry, pushing her glasses a little further up her nose as she stepped down onto the ground, safe in the knowledge that Barry had promised her she’d be on the bench again today.

She warmed up with the rest of the team, dressed in her all-white away kit with crimson lettering, and slipped the tabard that would mark her as a potential substitute over her jersey while the starting eleven got some last words of coaching from Barry. Alyssa was playing again, of course, and so Emma sat on the bench with Mina, who was another new member of the squad.

Emma craned her head over her shoulder, spotting her gran and Greg towards the back of the crowd. She grinned at them, turning back around to face the pitch when the referee blew his whistle, ready to watch the action unfold.

Avon Vale scored the first goal, just shy of thirty minutes into the game, and Emma sucked in a breath as she waited for Barry’s reaction. She knew that some coaches could react extremely badly to goals being scored against their team. But Barry simply shook his head, making eye contact with Carrie and signalling something with his hands. Carrie nodded. She yelled instruction to her defenders; it sounded like, “Mark up, mark up.”

Avon Vale’s next attack was blocked. Natalie chased down one of the forwards, slide-tackling the ball away from her in a move that made Emma gasp out loud. Avon Vale took the throw-in, but their pass was intercepted by Jess, who sent it on to Alexia Williams out to the left. James Madison’s Wildcats launched a counter-attack, but Shelby’s attempt on goal was stopped by the keeper. Emma saw Shelby’s jaw tense momentarily before brushing the failed attempt off and pressuring the keeper just in case she made a mistake passing the ball to one of her defenders. One thing Emma had noticed about Shelby as a player was that she never gave up.

It paid off just before half time.

Emma held her breath as she watched the midfielders build up the attack. Alyssa sprinted past her, the ball at her feet, looking the most focused Emma had ever seen her. She picked her head up, waited until the defender had almost closed her down, and then played the ball forwards to Linda.

Linda dodged another defender, drawing the attention of more before slipping through a closing gap and suddenly sending the ball behind her to where Shelby was making her run. Shelby rolled the ball from her left foot to her right, before getting off a powerful shot that the goalkeeper could only get her fingertips to, and scored the equalizer.

* * *

In the seventy-eighth minute, with the Wildcats leading 3-1, Barry substituted Mina for Alyssa. It wasn’t that Alyssa had played badly, Emma realized, it was that he wanted to give Mina some experience on the pitch. She was a winger, just like Alyssa, so it made sense for Alyssa to be the one to come off the field.

Alyssa grabbed a tabard like the one Emma was wearing on her way over to the bench. She spotted Emma, smile widening, and sat herself down next to her. Emma wordlessly offered her a water bottle.

“You played amazing,” she said quietly.

Alyssa smiled at her, drinking her fill, gasping a little for breath once she lowered the water bottle. “Thank you.”

“Like, the way you set up Hayden for that second goal…” Emma trailed off, finding she didn’t yet have the technical ability to voice her thoughts.

“Hayden’s always been good at meeting a cross just right.”

Emma laughed. “Well, that’s one skill I definitely don’t have.”

“It’s okay not to be a natural goal-scorer,” Alyssa said, shrugging. “We don’t all have to be Shelbys.”

“She’s a really good captain.”

Alyssa nodded. “She is. Try telling her that, though.”

Emma frowned slightly. “She doesn’t think she’s good?”

“Well…” Alyssa pursed her lips in thought. Emma tried not to let her gaze drop to them. “It’s more like she doesn’t think she’s good _enough_.”

“Why not?”

Alyssa sighed. “That’s a conversation you might have to have with her.”

“Oh.” Emma blanched. “Maybe I’ll just live in ignorance, then.”

“What? Come on, Nolan, don’t tell me you’re scared of her?” Alyssa laughed, eyes alight.

Emma huffed, scuffing the grass with her toe. “Only a little bit,” she muttered.

She tried not to react when Alyssa patted her on the thigh, but she feared that the way her breath suddenly caught in her throat might have given her away, even if Alyssa didn’t point it out.

“She’s harmless,” Alyssa said reassuringly. “Being captain is just a lot of pressure.”

“I bet,” Emma said. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. “Hey, um, I was wondering if—”

“Holy _shit_ ,” Alyssa said suddenly, her eyes fixed on a commotion happening on the pitch. Emma’s sudden brave attempt to ask Alyssa if she wanted to hang out sometime died on her lips.

“What happened?”

She looked from the ball, being collected from the back of the Wildcats’ net by an annoyed-looking Carrie, to the players, to Barry on the sidelines, who had his head in his hands. She looked at Alyssa, completely lost.

“I think… yeah, Williams just scored an own goal.”

“Oh, fuck,” Emma murmured. She could see Alexia looking stricken, wringing her hands as she waited for play to restart, and she felt a sinking sensation in her stomach. What if that happened to her one day? She was a defender, too, and spent a lot of time near the goal. What if she miscalculated a clearance? What if she had a miscommunication with the goalkeeper?

“It’s okay,” Alyssa said quickly, glancing at the clock on the electronic scoreboard. “We’re still a goal up. All they have to do is wait it out a little longer and not concede any more goals.”

Emma could tell that Alyssa was itching to be out there on the field to help. Weirdly, Emma was almost feeling the same thing. Yes, she was terrified, and yes, she still didn’t feel ready, but sitting on the sidelines and simply watching was becoming excruciating.

Huh. That was new.

* * *

“Emma, get your ass out of bed!”

Groaning as she woke to the sound of yelling just outside her door, Emma turned over, and mumbled, “Why?”

“Because it’s two in the afternoon and this is ridiculous.” Greg’s voice once again carried through the door. “You can stay in your pajamas if you want, but we’re having quality cousin time whether you like it or not.”

“That’s not a thing!”

“Alright, I’m coming in,” Greg warned. Emma sighed, and a few seconds later, Greg was in her room. “So, what do you wanna do?”

Emma glared at him through narrowed eyes. “Sleep.”

“But that’s boring.”

“Maybe for someone who hasn’t had five days of soccer on top of all the other school stuff,” Emma huffed, rolling onto her back.

Greg sat down on the edge of her bed. “Look, I know the past few weeks have been rough on you,” he said. “But I feel like I don’t get to see you as much anymore, and, well… I miss you, dude.”

“Oh.” Emma blinked in surprise.

“And I know it’s not your fault that you’re tired,” Greg said quickly. “Like, we definitely don’t have to go outside if you don’t want to, but I just want to spend time with you.”

Emma mulled it over for a minute. “ _The Good Place_ binge?”

“Yes!” Greg clapped his hands together excitedly, making Emma wince. “Sorry. But, hey, maybe we could get gran to join in, too.”

“Okay,” Emma said, finally sitting up and reaching for her glasses. “Just give me five minutes and I’ll be downstairs.”

“You’re the best, Emma,” Greg said, beaming from ear to ear. He bounded out of the room, and Emma watched him go, feeling a begrudging fondness for her weird, wonderful cousin.

* * *

Emma walked into the cafeteria for the first time in almost a week, drawing in a nervous breath as she surveyed the room. She could see some of the football team sat at a table in the middle, laughing and throwing balled up pieces of paper at each other, and prayed that they didn’t spot her as got her food. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe Alyssa had forgotten about her offer over the weekend. Maybe Emma should’ve brought a packed lunch instead.

Before she could worry too much, however, she spotted Alyssa at a table nearby. She was waving her over. Emma’s feet carried her towards Alyssa without hesitation, a large portion of her worries melting away as she got closer, because Alyssa had remembered after all. Kaylee and Shelby, from the lack of surprise in their expressions, had clearly been informed of this as well.

“Hey,” Emma said quietly.

Alyssa patted the spot next to her on the bench. “Take a seat, Nolan, you can help us settle a debate.”

“Oh, God,” Emma chuckled. “Maybe I should go sit with the football players.”

“Don’t you dare!” Alyssa pouted at her, and Emma sat down without another word.

“Okay, uh, what’s the debate?” she asked.

Shelby leaned forwards, resting her elbows on the table. “Kaylee and Nick. Stay together or break up?”

“Oh, um…” Emma was taken aback. Her natural instinct was to tell Kaylee to leave Nick Boomer and never look back, but that might’ve been her dislike for the football team bleeding through. While Nick hadn’t been part of the group that threatened her, she still wasn’t exactly fond of him. “Are you happy with him, Kaylee?”

Kaylee nodded, but there was a sliver of doubt in her eyes. “I love him.”

“He’s an asshole,” Shelby said shortly. Emma let out a relieved breath. Clearly, she wasn’t alone in her assessment of the guy. “Kevin and I broke up for a lot less than what Nick’s put you through.”

“He’s not that bad,” Kaylee murmured. “He can be really sweet.”

“But is he only sweet when he’s trying to make up for something?” Alyssa asked gently. “Or when he’s trying to get something from you?”

“No, he’s—” Kaylee narrowed her eyes. “He’s a good guy, Alyssa.”

Shelby snorted. “Bullshit.”

“I, uh, don’t think I’m qualified for guy advice,” Emma admitted. “Or relationship advice in general, really.”

“This debate transcends gender,” Shelby said. Emma raised an amused eyebrow.

“Does it?”

Alyssa hummed thoughtfully. “It kind of does. Emma asked a good question. Sure, you love him, but are you _happy_ with him?”

“I—well… mostly,” Kaylee mumbled. “All relationships have off-days, right?”

“But they shouldn’t outweigh the on-days,” Shelby pointed out. “All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t be with somebody out of a feeling of obligation or image. Could you imagine yourself being friends with Nick?”

Kaylee laughed. “No.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t be dating him,” Shelby said. “If you don’t want to hang out with your boyfriend—” she glanced at Emma, “—or girlfriend, then what’s the point? Right, Nolan?”

Emma laughed awkwardly. “I’ve never… I’ve never actually had a girlfriend, so…”

“Oh,” Shelby said. “Right, yeah, sorry, I forgot where we lived for one blissful moment.”

“I did kiss a girl once,” Emma said quietly, heart thudding almost painfully in her chest as she admitted it out loud for the first time. Three heads snapped in her direction. Emma didn’t look at Alyssa, but she could feel her eyes on her. She cleared her throat. “At summer camp before sophomore year. Haven’t seen or heard from her since, which is fine, but… yeah.”

Shelby held up her hand for a high-five. “Respect.”

“That’s so cute,” Kaylee said. “Hey, why don’t we find you a girl? Instead of focusing on my love life, we can focus on—”

“My _lack_ of one?” Emma finished. She could feel herself relaxing slightly into the conversation now that she knew for sure that nobody at this table was going to give her shit for who she was. “It’s a nice thought, Kaylee, but I’m not exactly counting on there being any other queer girls at this school. Besides, I don’t want to date a girl _just_ because she likes girls, too.”

“Yeah, maybe we should just let Emma make her own dating choices,” Alyssa said quickly. “Or, better yet, we could drop the subject entirely and talk about something else?”

Shelby raised her eyebrows. “You just don’t want us to point out that you’ve never had a boyfriend.”

“I have,” Alyssa defended weakly. Shelby laughed.

“A two-week ‘relationship’ in seventh grade doesn’t count.”

“ _Anyway_ ,” Alyssa said, clearing her throat. “Can we please talk tactics for our game against Jefferson this weekend? Do you think Barry’s gonna shake up the line-up given that we bulldozed them last year?”

Emma picked at her food as the others launched into conversation. She didn’t know how she felt about the discussion they’d just had. Relieved, mostly, but there was also a weird twisting in her stomach, and she wasn’t entirely sure what was causing it.

* * *

“Clear it, Nolan!”

Emma, breathing hard, kicked the ball that had rolled to her feet as far upfield as she could. It was settled by a defender on the red team, but it gave the blue team some time to regroup after Shelby and Alyssa’s latest attack. Emma sucked in a deep breath, wondering how much longer they had left in this scrimmage match. So far they were at a stalemate, and Emma could tell that Shelby was starting to apply more pressure to the defense in an attempt to get the goal.

The centerbacks in particular managed to keep holding her off, and Carrie made a couple of amazing saves, and finally Barry blew the whistle on sixty minutes of play. Immediately, Emma all but staggered to the sidelines and seized her water bottle. She could feel herself getting fitter and fitter, but today’s scrimmage had been more intense than she was used to. And, sure, the centerbacks had faced the brunt of it, and Gwen had gone a little easy on her, but it was still more than she’d faced before.

She took the blue bib off, putting it in a pile with the others, and began to stretch her tired muscles. Hopefully tomorrow’s session would be a bit gentler. She felt a gloved hand on her shoulder and turned around to see Carrie smiling at her.

“Great work today,” she said. “You’re a quick learner.”

“Thanks,” Emma said, still a little short of breath. “And thanks for giving clear directions.”

Carrie laughed. “Well, the secret to a successful defense is communication. I’m telling you, Nolan, when you learn slide-tackling… you’ll be unstoppable.”

“Well, uh, I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it.” Emma couldn’t help the trickle of fear at that. Slide-tackling looked risky, and the last thing Emma wanted to do was get it wrong and hurt someone.

Shaking off her concerns, Emma began the walk back to the locker room, replaying a few moments of the scrimmage match over and over in her head. She changed back into her street clothes quickly, almost in a trance, shouldering her kit bag as well as her regular messenger bag as she made to leave.

“See you tomorrow, Emma,” she heard Alyssa call out. She turned her head in the direction of her voice, eyes immediately snapping to the floor when she realized that Alyssa was only halfway through getting changed.

“Uh, s—see you,” she stuttered, hastily making her exit before anyone could notice how red her face probably was. She tried in vain to erase the sight of Alyssa standing there in jeans and a light blue sports bra. Fuck, she’d totally made it into a bigger deal than it should’ve been, and now Alyssa was going to think she was weird.

“Hey, kid.”

“Fuck!” Emma was taken by surprise, a hand coming up to rest over her racing heart. She calmed down a little when she saw Barry regarding her with an amused look on his face, and she grimaced a little sheepishly. “Sorry.”

He waved her off. “I’ve heard worse. Can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Emma said, a little wary. Barry seemed to pick up on her apprehension.

“I promise it’s nothing bad,” he said reassuringly, and Emma relaxed a bit. “I just wanted to say that I’m really proud of how much you’ve improved since tryouts.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

Barry smiled at her. “I want to put you into the game on Saturday.”

“I…” Emma paled. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“I think you are,” Barry said quietly. “Jefferson should be an easy win, and I’d much rather you play for the first time in a relatively low-pressure game, rather than wait until the knockouts. It won’t be the whole game, just the last half hour or something. Are you up to it?”

Emma swallowed. “I, um, I guess so. I trust your judgement more than I trust my own.”

“You’ll be great, Emma.” Barry grinned at her and began to walk away. “Just keep playing like you did today.”

Emma watched him go, nerves fluttering in her stomach already as the realization set in. She had less than two days to get herself ready for minutes during an actual game. God, what had she just agreed to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning for this chapter: canon-typical homophobia and bullying

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

Betsy just smiled at her. “At the risk of sounding like an old cliché, you won’t have to do it alone.”

“I know.” Emma sighed deeply, leaning back on the couch. “I do know that, really. And I know that I’ll only be on the pitch for, like, thirty minutes, but I’m still scared.”

“Honey, of course you’re scared,” Betsy scoffed. “All the training in the world can’t truly prepare you for how you’ll feel or react in your first real match.”

“Thanks.”

Betsy rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean. Listen to your coach, and your captain, and your keeper. They’re the ones who’ll be giving you orders, right?”

Emma smiled weakly. “You’ve been doing some research, then?”

“I wanted to have a better understanding of the game so I can really recognize when you do a good job tomorrow.”

“Oh.” Emma reached out a hand, curling it around her grandma’s bony fingers. “Thank you.”

“And I’m going to be right there in the stands tomorrow,” Betsy promised. “As close to the front as Greg can get us.”

Emma grinned. “He can be a pretty effective bulldozer when he really puts his mind to it. Just make sure he doesn’t use you to sob-story his way to the front.”

“Hey, if it works, I’ll play whatever part necessary,” Betsy said, squeezing Emma’s hand. “Now. Do you want to help me make dinner?”

Emma didn’t particularly, but she nodded anyway, because she knew it would make her gran happy. “Yeah.”

“I’ll even let you peel the potatoes.”

Emma smiled to herself as Betsy rose from the couch and made her way to the kitchen. She was still terrified of what tomorrow would bring, but at least she had people in her corner; hopefully ones who wouldn’t hate her if she made every mistake in the book out there on the field.

* * *

Emma pulled her crimson jersey over her head, smoothed the front down, and took a deep breath. This was really happening. She felt like she barely took in any of Barry’s pre-game speech, her mind out there on the pitch. At least James Madison was hosting Jefferson High; it meant there was a lower risk of Emma getting lost on her way from the locker room to the soccer field.

She warmed up with the rest of the team like always, pulled the substitute tabard over her head like always, took her seat on the bench like always. But it was different, because she knew she wasn’t going to stay there. No, at some point in this match, she was going to be out there playing.

And maybe Emma was building it up in her head too much. But she couldn’t help the way everything felt so surreal. It was almost as if, up until this point, actually playing soccer had been more of a concept than an actual reality. She’d tried out for the team to impress Alyssa, sure, but now she had to impress _everyone_.

It was terrifying.

Emma spent the first half of the game watching Natalie intently, trying to pick up any last tips from observing the way she played. Natalie was an excellent right back, far better than Emma could ever hope to be, and she just hoped that her brief stint in her place wouldn’t undo all the defensive work she’d been doing.

True to his word, not long before the clock reached sixty minutes, Barry instructed Emma – as well as a new-to-the-team sophomore called Jemma Mulligan – to do another quick warmup. Emma swallowed hard, knowing that it was time to stop thinking about playing and start actually doing the thing that was expected of her as a member of the team.

She and Jemma waited nervously on the sidelines as play came to a halt so that the substitutions could be made. Gwen was pulled off so that Jemma could take over the left wing in midfield, high-fiving her as she crossed over. Natalie beamed at Emma as she jogged over.

“Knock ‘em dead, Nolan,” she said, giving her a quick pat on the back, and then Emma’s feet were carrying her onto the field and over to the spot Natalie had just vacated. She felt sick with nerves. Sure, the Wildcats were up 3-0, but there were still thirty minutes of play left.

Jefferson had possession of the ball when play restarted. Immediately, their midfield pulled the ball out wide, charging down Emma’s side of the pitch, and Emma realized that they knew. They knew that she was inexperienced.

“Jess,” Carrie, from behind her in goal, shouted warningly.

“On it!”

Just as Emma was preparing to meet Jefferson’s attacker, she saw Jess move into a position that – while it wasn’t too close – limited the Jefferson path. Emma tried to read the opposition’s body language, making sure not to give any ground. The player faked one way, rolling the ball with her foot and pushing off in the other direction, but Emma was ready and side-stepped to make herself more difficult to get around. She didn’t feel right about going for the tackle just yet; it wasn’t the right moment.

But Emma spent so long waiting for the _right_ moment that she missed a moment that was good enough.

A Jefferson striker picked up the back pass that Emma’s mark sent, using her momentum to breeze past Emma as if it were nothing. Caught flat-footed, Emma tried her best to chase the sprinting forward down, but even Jess wasn’t fast enough to catch her.

The Jefferson player picked her head up and struck the ball, putting it just out of Carrie’s reach in the top right corner of the net for her team’s first goal of the match. It was as if a rock had dropped into Emma’s stomach. She couldn’t look at anyone; her face burned red with embarrassment.

Carrie was stern when she’d sent the ball back to the center to restart play. “You stalled too long.”

“I’m sorry,” Emma managed.

“Don’t be sorry.” Carrie fixed her with a look. “Just learn from it.”

After a too-tentative start, Emma tried her best to steel herself. She’d waited too long last time because she’d been looking for the perfect training moment, only to watch a real opportunity in a real game pass her by. She couldn’t afford to do that again.

This time, she managed to make a clean tackle on the same player, poking the ball out of her range where it was thankfully picked up by a quick-acting Alyssa, who swerved two Jefferson players and pushed the Wildcats’ possession further up the pitch. It didn’t amount to a goal – Kaylee’s effort was stopped by a deflection from a defender – but at least it had blocked Jefferson’s attack and put them on the back foot.

Emma quickly realized that, since the ball had gone over the goal line off a defender, it meant there would be a corner kick. They’d covered set pieces in training, but Emma definitely wouldn’t be the player taking the corner or free kicks. Truthfully, corner kicks kind of scared her, because there were so many players in such a small space surrounding the goal, but she nevertheless positioned herself where Shelby told her to go, near the edge of the eighteen-yard box.

Alyssa took the corner kick, sending it in high at the far post. Emma watched in awe as Shelby beat her mark, leaping off the ground and redirecting the ball with her head to send it into the back of the net, while still managing to stay on her feet as she landed. The home crowd cheered, and James Madison were three goals ahead once more.

Emma ran back to her position bolstered by her team’s success, feeling a little better about her earlier mistake, and took a deep breath. She was finding the rhythm of the game now, and it was helping to settle some of her nerves as play continued.

She was far from perfect, but she wasn’t a complete lost cause.

And as James Madison sealed their 4-1 victory over Jefferson, and the three points that came with it, Emma wondered if Barry _might_ actually consider playing her again one day.

* * *

“I promise you didn’t suck,” Greg reassured her, checking his watch as he stood by Emma’s locker. “In, fact, after the first five minutes, you were pretty good.”

“Thanks. I just—I feel like it went okay in the end, but…” Emma sighed, swapping her Chem textbook for her History one and shutting her locker. “Man, I wish the first five minutes of it didn’t happen.”

Greg checked his watch again. “I have to go, or I’ll be late for Calc, but maybe that mistake had to happen, you know? Otherwise you might’ve still been that cautious for the whole thing.”

“I guess,” Emma said. “Are you coming over to gran’s after I get back from practise?”

“Always.”

Emma grinned at him. “Awesome. See you much, much later.”

“See you.” And with that, Greg ruffled her hair affectionately, spun on his heel, and strode away down the hall. Emma watched him go for a while before eventually realizing that she, too, would have to get moving if she didn’t want to be late to her next class.

She turned around and walked straight into a linebacker.

“Fuck,” she muttered under her breath, taking a step back and blinking as more football players seemed to appear out of thin air, surrounding her within seconds.

The linebacker, Emma was pretty sure his name was Derek, poked her in the shoulder none too gently. “What did we say about laying low, Nolan?”

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s bad enough that _you_ are on the team with all those babes, but do you really need to play?” Derek sneered down at her. “One: you sucked, Nolan. Two: you’re ruining the view for the rest of us.”

Emma’s jaw tightened as her back pressed against the cool metal of her locker. “Not catering to your perverted gaze, am I? Not that the rest of the team are.”

“You’re one to talk about perversion,” Derek growled. “Do they really let you in the locker room with the rest of the girls?”

Emma clenched her hands into fists at her side as Derek glanced around at his buddies. Her blood boiled in her veins when she saw Nick Boomer snort in amusement. Derek smirked at her.

“Do you really think they’re down with taking their clothes off around you? I mean, if they can do it around you then surely it would be the same if it was me.”

“Fuck you,” Emma spat. “We’re not the same.”

Derek grabbed her by the shoulders and slammed her against the locker, hard. “That’s right. We’re not. One of us actually _deserves_ to be on the team they’re on.”

Emma groaned in pain. “Go sit on a cactus, Derek.”

“Fuck you, Nolan.” Derek’s face was red with anger as he grabbed two handfuls of her shirt collar. “You’re _nothing_ , you hear me? Filthy little—”

_“Hey!”_

Shelby Gonzales’ voice cut through the rushing of blood in Emma’s ears like a knife and, suddenly, Derek was being bodily shoved away from her. Shelby put herself between Emma and the football players, and while Emma couldn’t see the expression on her face, she could hazard a guess as to what she was feeling.

“Don’t even _think_ about finishing that sentence, shit-for-brains,” Shelby hissed.

“Stay out of it, Shelby,” Derek said, his voice low and dangerous.

“No,” Shelby said, drawing herself to her full height. “The soccer team protects our own, and I am captain of that team, so take a fucking hike, dickhead.”

There was a stand-off for a few long moments, where Emma could see Derek making the slow decision whether or not this was worth it, before he sent a glare at her over Shelby’s shoulder.

“This isn’t over.”

Emma had a sinking feeling he was right.

Only when Derek and his buddies had rounded the corner out of sight did Shelby’s shoulders relax. Emma slumped against the locker with a heavy sigh, and Shelby turned around to face her, concern in her eyes.

“You okay, Nolan?”

“Yeah,” Emma muttered. “That just sucked.” She cleared her throat. “Thanks. For stepping in.”

“I was just on my way to Bio and… doesn’t matter,” Shelby said, waving a hand. “You shouldn’t have to put up with that, you know.”

“Do you really think it’s as simple as telling them to lay off?”

“Well—”

“Shelby, kids at this school have been doing this since I came out,” Emma sighed. “They’re not gonna stop just because you tell them to, no offense.”

“At least talk to Barry about it,” Shelby said.

Emma shook her head. “I don’t want to get anyone else involved. All it will do is make things worse.” She swallowed. “Please don’t tell anyone about this.”

Shelby looked at her for a long moment. Finally, she let out a long breath. “Fine. But I won’t always happen to be passing by.”

“You never stepped in before,” Emma pointed out, with a light shrug. “I’ve made it this far without anyone in my corner. Well, except for Greg, but he can’t fight for shit.”

“You’d better get to class,” Shelby said, looking troubled. “Can’t have you flunking out of the team.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’d be a real loss.”

“Emma—”

“I’ll see you at practise, Shelby,” Emma said, pushing off the lockers and hurrying away. “Thanks again.”

* * *

Emma managed to keep the incident quiet for a whole two days.

She was having lunch with Alyssa, Shelby and Kaylee on Wednesday; something that had weirdly become almost normal for her recently. Kaylee was telling a funny story about her last visit to the dentist, and the things she’d apparently said while on laughing gas, and Emma was shaking her head with a grin on her face when Kaylee suddenly stopped and looked somewhere high over Emma’s head.

Fear pooling in her stomach, Emma glanced behind her to see none other than Derek, backed up by a couple of his buddies from the football team, looming over her. She noticed that Nick was absent.

Shelby, sat next to Emma, spun around on the bench and fixed Derek with a steely glare. “Can we help you boys?”

Emma didn’t need to be looking at Derek to know that he was smirking. “I was just wondering if Nolan here had given any more thought to my question?”

“Question?” Shelby furrowed her brow.

“Leave it,” Emma muttered. She could feel Kaylee and Alyssa giving her worried looks from the other side of the table. “They’re not worth it.”

“Move along,” Shelby told them, leaning back against the table and pulling a face at them. “The smell of stale sweat and Axe body spray is something I do not vibe with.”

“Yeah, we’re just trying to eat lunch.” Alyssa spoke up, and Emma’s head snapped up to look at her, seeing her friend glowering at Derek and his buddies.

Derek scoffed. “Oh my God, Nolan, have you converted them already?”

“We’re her friends,” Alyssa replied coolly.

Shelby casually folded her arms. “Do I need to make a scene and hand your ass back to you again? Or are you gonna move along?”

“Nice guard dog you got there,” Derek laughed, jerking his head at his friends as if to tell them to leave. “You three better keep her on a tight leash.”

Emma watched the football players go, letting out a shuddering breath and picking up her fork with a shaking hand. This was all getting to be way too much. The four of them were silent for a while, and then Alyssa spoke up quietly.

“What did you mean, ‘again’?” she asked Shelby.

“Ask Emma.”

Emma glared weakly at Shelby, but Alyssa was looking at her with wide, expectant eyes, and she couldn’t help her immediate confession. “Derek and a bunch of the football team were giving me shit a couple days ago. Shelby was walking by and stepped in. It’s fine.”

“They had her pinned against the lockers,” Shelby supplied unhelpfully.

“They—” Alyssa stood up, almost falling over the bench, her expression dark. “I’ll be right back.”

“No, you won’t.” Kaylee spoke up for the first time, grabbing Alyssa by the waist at the same time as Emma lunged across the table to trap one of Alyssa’s hands with her own.

“Let me go, Kayls.”

“Alyssa, I doubt you have a plan,” Kaylee hissed.

“I do too.”

Kaylee snorted. “If your plan is to walk up to Derek and punch him in the face, I’m afraid that’s going to create a lot more problems than it’ll solve.”

Emma swallowed, squeezing the top of Alyssa’s hand with her own. “Please sit down.”

“Fine,” Alyssa muttered, sinking back down onto the bench. Her jaw tightened. “But we can’t let him get away with that.”

“I already told you that drawing attention to this is the last thing I want to do,” Emma said. “It’s just high school jerks. I’ll survive.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” Alyssa sighed, upturning her hand so that she could squeeze Emma’s back. Butterflies fluttered in Emma’s stomach at the touch. She cleared her throat, withdrawing her hand and moving her attention to Kaylee.

“Uh, so you should probably know that, two days ago, Nick was there when Derek confronted me.”

Kaylee paled. “Did he hurt you?”

“Nick? Not personally, no.” Emma fiddled with her glasses. “But he seemed to find it all pretty funny.”

“That asshole,” Kaylee muttered darkly. “I’ll speak to him.”

“You don’t have to—”

“I do,” Kaylee interrupted. “I’ll say that Shelby told me. Nick doesn’t mess with Shelby.”

“Damn right he doesn’t,” Shelby said.

Alyssa worried her bottom lip between her teeth. “We can’t let this escalate.”

“So we ignore them,” Emma said. “Trust me, this has been happening since before I got on the soccer team. I can handle it.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for this chapter: homophobic language

“Has Derek been staying away from you?” Alyssa asked, passing the ball to Emma, who passed it straight to Shelby. Natalie ran around the inside of the small circle of players, trying to pressure them into a mistake so that she could intercept a pass.

“Yes,” Emma said. “Promise. Nobody from the team has said a word to me in two whole days.”

Shelby grunted, receiving a pass from Kaylee and sending it to Jess. “I still don’t like it.”

“Seriously, it’s fine.” Emma watched the ball carefully. “It’s like I said, everything will be okay if we just ignore it.”

“And what about the things Derek said to you on Monday?” Shelby frowned. “Are you going to let him get away with that?”

Emma shrugged. “What other safe option is there?”

“What did he say?” Alyssa asked, just as Jess passed the ball to Emma.

For a moment, Emma took her eye off the ball, and it rolled past her and out of the circle. She cursed under her breath, turning to retrieve it and swapping places with Natalie. Her cheeks were red; she pretended it was from the effort of the drill, rather than her humiliation at the implications Derek had made about the locker room.

“Just dumb jock stuff,” she muttered eventually.

She started to chase the ball around the circle. Being in the middle for keep away was not exactly the most fun place to be, but it was her fault for losing focus. She couldn’t help it if Alyssa’s question had distracted her, though, bringing up Derek’s words and the memories of the one time Emma had accidentally looked. It wasn’t fair.

“Do you think Nick spoke to his buddies about laying off?” Natalie asked.

Kaylee barked out a sharp laugh. “I doubt it. If anything, I’m worried about what he’s going to say, given how our conversation about it went.”

“Do you need me to egg his car?” Shelby offered.

“No, but it’s a kind offer,” Kaylee grinned. She shrugged one shoulder, one-timing the ball to Jess. “No, we just… I think maybe we broke up.”

“What?” Emma froze, kicking herself back into gear shortly after and resuming her chasing. “You didn’t have to do that just because he was involved.”

Kaylee shook her head. “No, I just… he wasn’t listening. He’s done some douche-y things over the years, but I guess he’s just more worried about saving face with the team than he is about doing the right thing.”

“So, when you say you maybe think you broke up…” Shelby trailed off, a crease between her brows.

“I don’t know,” Kaylee groaned. “It wasn’t very clear, but we’re not talking right now, so…”

“I’m sorry, Kaylee,” Emma said. “I didn’t mean to inadvertently wreck your relationship.”

“Not your fault, Emma,” Kaylee said sternly. “None of this is your fault.”

“Still.”

“Well, good riddance, as far as I’m concerned,” Alyssa announced.

Shelby grinned at her. “Me, too. He’s a dick.”

“He _is_ a dick,” Kaylee said, giggling suddenly. “Man, that feels good to say. Nick Boomer is a _dick!"_

Emma laughed despite herself. She laughed even harder when she caught Barry’s questioning look in their direction.

* * *

Emma was about to take the same seat near the front of the bus that she’d sat in on the way to their last away match, when movement caught the corner of her eye. She looked up to see Alyssa waving at her. Confused, she waved back. Alyssa shook her head with a fond grin, gesturing to the empty seat next to her, and then it clicked in Emma’s head.

Blushing, she slipped her headphones off and made her way further back to where Alyssa was sat, dropping down into the seat next to her with a shy smile.

“Hey.”

Alyssa smiled back. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Shelby said, hooking her chin over the back of Alyssa’s seat. “Nice of you to join us, Nolan.”

“Oh, God,” Emma said, turning to Alyssa with an exaggerated grimace. “How long is this trip again?”

“Just over an hour.”

Shelby laughed. “Wonderful. That’s so much time. Emma and I can play ‘I Spy’.”

Suddenly, with a yelp, Shelby was pulled backwards. A moment later, Kaylee poked her head into view. “You’re welcome.”

* * *

Emma wasn’t expecting Alyssa to take a seat on the bench at half time.

“Why aren’t you playing the second half?” she blurted out, watching as Alyssa took a big gulp of water from her bottle.

“Barry thinks Mina’s ready to start stepping up,” Alyssa explained. “It’s nothing personal. Besides, we’ll need all the game-ready players we can get when we get to Sectionals.”

“Why?”

“We’ll have two games that weekend,” Alyssa said. “Same for regionals. There’s so many participating schools that this is the best way to narrow the field down without playing every single team in our area and dragging the season out past Christmas.”

“So we’re halfway through, like, qualifying?” Emma furrowed her brow, trying to keep up.

“Yeah, basically,” Alyssa said. “If we have enough points after eight matches then we’ll go to Sectionals. And we’ve got nine points out of a possible nine coming into this match, so our odds are looking good.”

“Wow,” Emma muttered. “So, it was probably a good thing that I got played before I thought I was ready, huh?”

“The games are only gonna get more pressure-filled,” Alyssa said, nodding in agreement. “It’s better that you got some field experience early on, because you’ll probably be needed when the stakes are high.”

Emma puffed her cheeks out. “I’m going to file that under the list of things I should’ve thought about before trying out.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask.” Alyssa regarded her with interest, and Emma’s heart started to beat faster. “What made you decide to try out? It’s just… when we talked before summer you weren’t really into the idea. What changed?”

“Uh…” Emma prayed that Alyssa hadn’t suddenly gained the ability to read her mind as well as she seemed to be able to read her body language on the field, because there was no way in hell she was actually going to tell Alyssa that it was _her_ that had made Emma want to try out. “You know, the World Cup, I guess.”

Alyssa nodded. “That’s cool. And, for what it’s worth, I’m really glad you’re here.”

“Yeah?” Emma breathed, butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

“Yeah.” Alyssa glanced away for a moment, watching as the referee blew the whistle to restart the game. “Hey, so… Kaylee and Shelby and I are going to the mall tomorrow. Kaylee says she needs retail therapy after the ‘break-up-question-mark’.” Alyssa made the air quotes with her hands.

“Sounds fun,” Emma snorted.

Alyssa pushed a loose strand of hair back behind her ear. “I was wondering if, um, you wanted to join us? You know, hang out, and stuff.”

“Oh.” Emma’s eyes widened in surprise. “I… yeah, I’d love to. I’m not much of a mall girl, though.”

“Honestly, me neither,” Alyssa confessed. “I just go because it’s something they love and I don’t hate.”

Emma didn’t quite know what to say to that, but she filed it away nonetheless. She nodded, trying to appear as calm and composed as possible. “I’m in.”

“Cool,” Alyssa said brightly. “I’ll get Shelby to swing by and pick you up, just text me the address.”

“I, uh, I don’t have your number,” Emma said.

Alyssa slapped her hand over her forehead. “I’m such a dumbass, I meant to give you my number, like, weeks ago. Here.”

She got up, retrieving her phone from her bag while ignoring the exasperated look Barry sent her, and handed it to Emma.

“Or, well, you put your number in here and I’ll text you tonight.”

Emma wasn’t about to argue. She typed out her number, handing the phone back to Alyssa and swallowing down her nerves at the thought of hanging out with Alyssa outside of school or soccer. They were friends, and friends hung out, so it made sense for Alyssa to invite her.

Still, she couldn’t contain the warmth that spread through her body at the prospect.

* * *

“Are you getting ready for your date?” Greg poked his head around the door of Emma’s room.

“It’s not a date.”

Greg snorted. “If you say so.”

“It’s really not,” Emma insisted. “Besides, Kaylee and Shelby are gonna be there.”

“Okay, then. A double date.”

Emma groaned, turning away from the mirror and facing her smug-looking cousin. “Why are you here?”

“Gran wanted help in the back yard and said I could have cookies as a reward,” Greg said simply. “Your sleeves are rolled unevenly.”

“Shit,” Emma sighed, shaking out the sleeves of her flannel and beginning the painstaking process of rolling them all over again.

“You’ll be fine,” Greg said reassuringly. “I know I’m being a shit, but whether it’s as a friend or more, I think it’s safe to say that Alyssa likes you.”

“How long have you known about my crush on her, Greg?” Emma asked, curious as to why he was being so straightforward about this all of a sudden.

Greg shrugged. “Maybe a year?”

“A year?” Emma’s eyebrows shot up. “You knew for a whole year and you didn’t say anything?”

“I just figured you’d tell me when you wanted to,” Greg said, holding his hands up. “But, I mean, it was kind of obvious the real reason you wanted to go to all those soccer games junior year.”

Emma worried her bottom lip between her teeth. “Do you think anyone else knows?”

“No,” Greg said immediately. “I just know you super well. So, unless you’ve been parading around with a neon sign saying, ‘I have a big lesbian crush on Alyssa Greene’, I think you’re all good.”

“Right. Well, no neon signs, so…” Emma turned back to the mirror, examining her sleeves carefully. Satisfied, she tried in vain to smooth down her hair instead. “Is it dumb that I’m terrified for this?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Greg mused. “The girl you like asked you to hang out, of course you’re nervous.”

“Yeah,” Emma said. “Okay, cool.” She sighed. “Greg, do you think I can survive the mall?”

She saw Greg wince in the mirror. “Yes.”

“You hesitated.”

* * *

Emma probably wasn’t going to survive the mall.

Her feet hurt from walking around so many stores, and that was saying a lot, because Emma had gotten pretty used to being on her feet and active during the summer. But whatever her stamina for soccer had become, it didn’t even come close to matching Kaylee and Shelby’s shopping stamina.

Emma herself hadn’t even bought anything yet. There’d been a couple of things that had caught her eye, tucked away in the corner of a store here or there, but she hadn’t wanted to draw attention to it and drag out the shopping for even longer. The afternoon was wearing on, and she was starting to get hungry.

“What do you think?” Alyssa’s voice came from behind her, and Emma spun around to look at her. Her breath caught in her throat, which was pathetic, because all Alyssa was doing was looking completely adorable wearing a maroon beanie that she’d picked up.

“It looks great,” she managed, clearing her throat before continuing. “Very… school spirit.”

Alyssa took the beanie off, turning it over in her hands. “Oh yeah, this is totally our home jersey color.”

“Go Wildcats.” Emma’s smile widened when Alyssa giggled at her. Her heart stuttered in her chest, then, because Alyssa was stepping closer to her and she could smell her perfume. Alyssa carefully placed the beanie on Emma’s head, squashing it down over wild blonde curls.

“There,” Alyssa said quietly, taking a tiny step back. “I was right.”

Emma somehow managed to make her voice work. “About what?”

“About it looking way better on you.”

Heat rushed to Emma’s face. Alyssa was looking at her with this little smile on her face, like she was completely unaware of the effect she was causing, and Emma didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t make things weird. In the end, though, she didn’t have to.

“Hey, guys!” Kaylee called them from about twenty feet away, holding up armfuls of clothes. “Shelby and I are gonna try stuff on!”

Alyssa jolted suddenly, like she’d forgotten her other friends were there, and took another step back. “Well, that’s going to take a while,” she said to Emma.

Emma groaned. “I don’t want to stand here for another thirty minutes.”

“We should go sit somewhere,” Alyssa said thoughtfully. Emma’s stomach rumbled, and she grinned. “Food court?”

“Yes, please,” Emma said.

“I’ll text them and let them know,” Alyssa said, pulling her phone out. “Are you gonna buy the beanie?”

Emma took it off, chewing on her bottom lip. To her relief, it wasn’t ridiculously expensive. And even though it was still a little too warm for one now, it would be useful in winter, and she really did like the color.

“Yeah,” she said. “I think I am.”

* * *

Something odd was happening.

As of half time, the Wildcats were _losing_.

Emma could sense the confusion, from both the home crowd and the team themselves. James Madison was coming off of four wins, and the opposing team – the John Adams High’s Jaguars – were coming into this fifth match with two wins, a tie, and a loss. On paper, the Wildcats had better form and should be winning, but none of James Madison’s strikers seemed to be able to find a way through the defensive line. So far, their only goal had come from a free kick.

Emma could sense the team’s frustration as they came off the pitch at half time. Barry called them over, speaking to them in a hushed tone and gesticulating wildly as he talked. He patted an irritated-looking Shelby reassuringly on the back, and then stretched up on his toes and looked at the bench.

“Nolan, get over here!”

Confused, Emma got up and made her way over to Barry. “What is it?”

“Start warming up,” Barry said. “We’re going into a five-three-two and I need you out there.”

“What?”

“You’re playing the second half, kid.” Barry reached out and squeezed her shoulder.

The next twenty minutes were a whirlwind of getting herself ready both physically and mentally. Natalie helped her, explaining that since they wanted to focus on bulking up their defense while giving themselves more attacking width, Barry was converting her to a central midfielder and putting Emma in as the right back, since she had fresh legs and would be able to make more attacking runs, and their midfield was down to three players.

“Besides,” Natalie said, “you and Alyssa have some kind of psychic connection, so I think he’s hoping you’ll use that.”

“I don’t know about psychic,” Emma muttered. “Natalie, I don’t think I’ve ever seen five defenders in a game before.”

“It’s not a super common formation nowadays.” Natalie shrugged. “Means there’s a chance the opposition won’t know how to deal with it as well.”

Emma joined the huddle just before the game restarted, trying her best not to freak out. She really hadn’t expected to play today. Someone bumped her hip with theirs, and Emma glanced over to see Alyssa giving her an encouraging nod. Emma’s heart skipped a beat.

As soon as the whistle blew, Emma didn’t have time to worry. All her focus went on stopping the barrage of attacks from the opposition, tackling strikers and dispossessing them, and sending the ball to Natalie or Alyssa. She found herself, with the encouragement of the other defenders, playing higher up the field than she normally did. It was terrifying, but the adrenaline was coursing through her veins, and Emma _finally_ felt like she was one small part of a large machine.

The Jaguars’ keeper was on good form today, and their defense was even better; Emma wondered if they’d been putting a lot of extra work into the team. The minutes ticked by, and although the Wildcats were finding more opportunities than they’d had in the first half, they still couldn’t convert any of those chances into goals to close the 2-1 lead that the Jaguars had over them.

At least the bulked up defense meant they weren’t letting in any more goals.

Emma didn’t know the last time she’d done so much running in her life. She felt almost like a midfielder with the amount of ground she was covering and how far up the field she was at times. As the minutes ticked past eighty, she heard Alyssa yell, “Nolan, give,” and reacted on instinct, picking her head up in time to one-time the ball Alyssa had sent her way back to where she was running to, leaving her mark in the dust as they pulled off the give and go.

One of the Jaguars tackled the ball off of Alyssa, her interception powerful enough to send the ball out of play in the Wildcats’ attacking half. Emma thought it would be best if she took the throw-in so that the Wildcats could get as many players forward as possible, so she ran to the ball, noticing as she did so that their opposition were taking a short moment to confer with each other while the ball was out of bounds.

Emma grabbed the ball, turning to see that Alyssa was pointing subtly at her own foot. Emma nodded. She threw the ball as hard as she could, into the empty space that Alyssa took off in a sprint towards, and heard the crowd start yelling excitedly as the Jaguars’ defense was caught unawares and flat-footed. Alyssa cut around the one defender that had managed to get back in time and then, as Emma ran forwards to help, Alyssa took her shot.

The ball sailed past the keeper’s gloves and into the back of the net, and the home crowd roared louder than Emma had ever heard them.

Emma could see Alyssa running towards her, a look of giddy disbelief on her face, and she didn’t even have time to prepare herself before all the breath was being knocked out of her lungs by the force of Alyssa’s hug. She wrapped her arms around Alyssa’s back, closing her eyes and laughing at the ridiculousness of what had just happened. She could feel Alyssa’s heart racing in her chest, matching the speed of her own, and she could feel her arms tight around her shoulders, and everything was _Alyssa_.

Emma was vaguely aware of hands patting her on the head, the back, the side, but all she could focus on was the fact that Alyssa had scored a goal, and the fact that Alyssa was _hugging_ her, and the fact that the Wildcats might not lose this game after all.

Eventually, she and Alyssa let each other go, and Emma was very glad that her cheeks were already red from the effort of all the running, because she did not want the whole team to see how much one hug had affected her. Alyssa beamed at her as she pulled back, sending Emma’s stomach into somersaults.

As she jogged back to her position, shaking her head in disbelief at it all, Emma caught sight of Natalie tapping her own forehead with a grin on her face, mouthing the word, “Psychic.” Emma just shrugged, biting her lip to try and stop the smile that threatened to split her face.

Even the fact that they came out of that match with a tie instead of the win they wanted wasn’t enough to dampen her spirits, or erase the thrill of getting her first assist, and Emma almost couldn’t believe how much fun she was having playing soccer.

* * *

“Ready for a scrimmage later?” Barry asked, catching up with Emma before lunch the next Thursday as she put some books back in her locker.

“Actually, I’m really looking forward to it,” Emma said, closing her locker and shouldering her bag more firmly. “Is that weird?”

Barry grinned brightly at her. “Not at all, kid. Not at all.”

“I… I never thought I’d get to this point,” Emma admitted as they started walking down the hall.

“Why not?”

“I wasn’t exactly an athlete,” Emma laughed. “Still not much of one now, but… I don’t know, playing soccer feels like something I can do now, and not this huge insurmountable mountain in front of me, you know?” Emma shrugged. “And that’s all thanks to you.”

Barry scoffed. “Emma, all I did was put you on the team. Everything you’ve accomplished so far has been down to you.”

“But you’re the one who gave me the chance, and the encouragement,” Emma pointed out. “The team are great, but you were one of the first people that made me feel like I had any right to be a part of this, so… thank you.”

Barry knocked their shoulders together gently. “People like us have to stick together. I’m glad you seem to have found somewhat of a home on this team.”

“Huh.” Emma almost stopped walking. She hadn’t really thought of it like that. “Yeah, I guess… I just never thought I’d be able to have friends at this school, so the fact that I do is…”

There was sorrow in Barry’s eyes as he regarded her. “I’m sorry school’s been so hard for you. If it’s any consolation, I know a thing or two about being bullied, and my door is always open.”

“Thank you,” Emma muttered, not trusting herself to say anything more. For a brief second, she considered telling Barry about Derek and the rest of the football team, but then again, nothing had happened for just over a week now. Maybe it was all over and done with. Maybe there was no reason to get anyone involved after the fact. So, she simply kept her mouth shut.

* * *

“Hey, Emma, wait up!”

After the scrimmage at training, all Emma wanted to do was go home and collapse on the couch, but it was Alyssa calling after her, so of course she stopped and waited for her to catch up.

“Everything okay?” Emma asked.

“Yeah, I just…” Alyssa clutched the strap of her kit bag tightly, though her voice was steady when she spoke. “Do you want to hang out with us again after the game on Saturday?”

“Us?”

“Oh, me and Kaylee and Shelby,” Alyssa explained. “They were talking just now about wanting to go get ice cream and I thought you might want to…”

“Yeah,” Emma breathed, a smile spreading across her face, and a warmth spreading through her at the thought of Alyssa wanting to include her. “Yeah, I’d love to get ice cream with you. You guys, I mean.”

“Cool,” Alyssa said. “Oh, hey, are you ready for that Chem test on Monday?”

Emma groaned. “Not in the slightest.”

“Well, let me know if you ever want to study together,” Alyssa offered with a casual shrug. Emma just raised an eyebrow at her.

“Do the words ‘peanut brittle’ ring any bells?”

“That was ages ago!” Alyssa protested.

“And yet it feels as if it were only yesterday,” Emma laughed. “Shit, I need my Chemistry textbook. Mind taking a detour on the way out?”

“Sure thing,” Alyssa said, and they turned away from the exit, walking the short distance down the hall to Emma’s locker. Emma was enjoying teasing Alyssa about the explosion she’d inadvertently caused, finally feeling like she wasn’t somehow making a fool of herself in front of Alyssa, and she was so focused on their conversation that she didn’t notice something was wrong until Alyssa glanced up and stopped in her tracks.

“Oh my God,” she whispered.

“Wha—”

Emma’s voice died in her throat as she looked up, too, because there was something wrong with her locker. It had been vandalized. And as Emma stepped closer still, close enough to read what had been sharpied and etched onto the metal, her heart plummeted.

_Dyke. Freak. Lesbo. Perv. Creep._

Blood rushed in her ears, tears pricked at her eyes, and without another word, Emma turned on her heel and ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am available for yelling at ily all


	8. Chapter 8

Emma didn’t know where she was running to. All she knew was that she wanted to put as much distance between herself and her vandalized locker as possible, as quickly as possible. She skidded around a corner, righting herself and finding herself in front of a small closet by the band room. Figuring that it wasn’t any worse than anywhere else, and finding the door unlocked, Emma dove inside, crossing the tiny room to the far wall before she let the first sob choke out of her.

She turned her back to the wall, sliding down it until she hit the ground with a dull thud, and buried her face in her hands. God, she was so _stupid_. She’d really thought that just because Derek and his cronies had been quiet, and because she’d helped her team score in the last game, that it would all be over. That they’d just leave her alone.

Emma could feel her phone buzzing with notifications in her pocket, probably Alyssa asking where she’d gone, but she ignored them all.

It could’ve been minutes or hours that passed before the door opened; Emma wasn’t sure. She barely even heard it open anyway, but something in her compelled her to look up, and then she saw Alyssa. Emma’s face crumpled, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks, and in an instant, Alyssa was by her side on the floor.

“I’m sorry,” Emma choked, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I—”

“Emma, listen to me.” Alyssa’s voice was thick with emotion, but firm. “You have _nothing_ to be sorry for. This is _not_ your fault. Do you hear me?”

Emma sniffed, shaking her head. “I really thought it was over. I thought they were gonna leave me alone. Why won’t they leave me alone, Alyssa?”

“I don’t know,” Alyssa murmured. Emma looked up, meeting her gaze through watery eyes and seeing so much sadness reflected back at her that her heart started aching.

“What did I ever do to them? Besides exist.”

Alyssa brushed some hair away from Emma’s forehead. “You’re unapologetically yourself, Emma, and they don’t know how to handle that.”

Emma’s eyes fluttered shut as Alyssa’s fingers skimmed over her cheek. She felt herself subconsciously leaning into the soft touch, sighing deeply as her chest began to loosen.

“I’m sorry for running off like that,” Emma said quietly. “I just saw those words and… I don’t know. It brought up a lot of bad feelings, obviously, but it’s just worse given what, uh, what Derek actually said to me that one time Shelby was there.”

Alyssa’s thumb stroked over her cheek, making Emma shiver. “What did he say?”

“He said…” Emma took a deep breath, screwing her eyes closed so she didn’t have to look at Alyssa. “He said that me being in the locker room was the same as if it was him. He said I was perverted; that nobody was comfortable changing in front of me. It’s like he thought I was some sort of animal. Like he thought…”

Emma shook her head, not trusting herself to find an end to that sentence. There was silence for a long moment, Emma’s occasional sniffling the only sound, and she was starting to get worried about Alyssa’s lack of reaction. What if she agreed with him? What if she’d secretly been thinking the same thing about her, and now—

“Em?” Alyssa’s voice was quiet, barely more than a whisper. “Can I give you a hug?”

Throat closing up too much to speak, Emma could only nod, and let herself sink into Alyssa’s embrace. She kept her eyes closed, but her tense muscles relaxed a little once she felt Alyssa’s arms wrap around her, their bodies twisted a little awkwardly to make the angle of the hug work. Emma buried her face in Alyssa’s shoulder, swallowing hard.

“You… You know that nobody on the team thinks that, right?” Alyssa murmured softly. “You’re one of _us_ , okay? You are nothing like that creep.”

“It took me so long to feel comfortable in that locker room,” Emma admitted. “I’m still not sure I’m completely at ease, and… he just tore it all down with a few words. I hate that he was able to do that.”

Alyssa’s arms tightened around her. “He’s a fucking asshole.”

“Yeah.” Emma almost managed a watery laugh. She inhaled deeply. Even after an hour and a half of soccer, Alyssa still somehow smelled amazing, and the scent of lavender helped to ease the tension Emma knew she was carrying in her body. They stayed in the embrace for a few more moments, and then Emma reluctantly drew back, meeting Alyssa’s gaze a little easier.

“Would you please consider telling Barry what’s happening?” Alyssa asked softly. “I don’t want Derek to keep hurting you like this.”

Emma bit her lip, thinking on it, and then she nodded. “I’ll think about it,” she promised.

“Okay.” Alyssa’s thumb caught the last tear that had escaped Emma’s eye, and Emma felt her heart stutter in her chest at the action. She looked down at her shoes.

“We should probably both get home.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course,” Alyssa said, jerking away almost like she’d forgotten where they were. “Um, how are you feeling?”

“Better,” Emma said. “Thank you, Alyssa. You didn’t have to come after me.”

Alyssa got up, holding out a hand to help Emma to her feet, too. “I always will.”

Emma blushed, not quite knowing what to say, and Alyssa seemed to take her lack of answer as a bad thing, because she shifted her weight from foot to foot, almost like she was nervous.

“So will the others.” She cleared her throat and glanced down at the ground. “Part of being one big team, you know?”

Emma couldn’t help the slight disappointment she felt at Alyssa’s amendment. “Yeah.”

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Alyssa said, placing her hand gently between Emma’s shoulder blades and encouraging her back out into the hall. “We’ll deal with the locker tomorrow.”

* * *

Betsy seemed to take one look at Emma when she came in the door before deciding to wrap her up in a tight hug. Emma stiffened for only a split-second before relaxing into it and letting her grandmother hold her.

“Is it grandma intuition?” she mumbled. “Or did you somehow hear what happened?”

“I don’t know a damn thing,” Betsy said, stroking her hair. “All I know is that you look miserable and I’m betting it was something to do with those awful kids at that school of yours.”

“Got it in one, gran.”

Betsy pulled back from the hug, keeping her hands firm on Emma’s shoulders. “How about I make us some hot chocolate? With marshmallows?”

“Gran, it’s September,” Emma said.

“Never the wrong time for hot chocolate and marshmallows.”

Emma chuckled despite herself. “I suppose.”

“We can have a nice quiet night,” Betsy promised. “Just you and me in front of the TV. And if you want to tell me what happened, great. If you don’t, then that’s fine, too.”

“Thanks,” Emma muttered, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. She didn’t know whether or not she should be relieved that her gran probably didn’t expect her to go into detail about it all. Emma definitely felt like she’d done enough emotional soul-baring for one day.

“Any weekend plans?” Betsy asked conversationally. “Besides the game, of course.”

Grateful for the change in topic, Emma brightened a little. “I think I’m going for ice cream with some people after the game.”

“Well, that sounds fun.” Betsy gave her a smile as she went about making their drinks.

“And, um…” Emma chewed on her bottom lip. “Alyssa offered to help me study for our Chemistry test on Monday, so I might, uh, take her up on that.”

She kept her gaze firmly away from her grandmother’s eyes in case she gave herself away, but by the sound of Betsy’s voice, she’d still failed at that. “Alyssa, huh?”

“She’s on the team, we’re in a few of the same classes…” Emma shrugged, forced-casual. “We’re friends.”

“Well, I’m glad,” Betsy said gently. “I’m so glad you’re making friends.”

Emma thought back to earlier; to Alyssa’s arms around her. “Me too.”

* * *

Emma was a little concerned when she got to the locker room the next day after school and didn’t see Alyssa there. She tried not to let her worries, brought into her head by Derek’s words, affect her as she went about changing into her practise kit, but they still niggled at her despite Alyssa’s reassurances the previous day.

In fact, Alyssa didn’t appear at all. Emma eventually noticed, as everyone was warming up out on the pitch, that Shelby was absent too. It definitely wasn’t like either of them to skip training, even if it was a cardio-heavy day.

“Okay, everyone, now I want you to…” Barry trailed off, evidently realizing that he was two girls short of a full team. “Wait, where the hell are Gonzales and Greene?”

He looked at Emma, who shrugged, making it clear she was no more in the know than he was. Barry then turned his attention to Kaylee, who toed the ground with her cleat.

“Kaylee… where are they?”

Sighing, Kaylee closed her eyes and said, in a rush, “I got a text from Shelby about being in detention but that she was going to try and sneak out and come to practise and that Alyssa didn’t want anyone to know they were there. I’m sorry.”

“Wait, they’re _both_ in detention?” Emma was taken aback. She didn’t think Alyssa had ever had detention in her life. “What for?”

“Shelby’s text didn’t say.”

Barry rubbed tiredly at his eyes. “Give me strength. Okay… Kaylee and Emma, with me. The rest of you, um, finish your warm-up and then I want Carrie to lead you through some shooting and defending drills.”

Emma exchanged a bewildered look with Kaylee, and the two of them fell into step behind their coach as he marched towards the school with surprising speed. Kaylee clearly knew more about this than Emma did, even if it was only from one text, and Emma found her curiosity growing with every step. What had they done to get put in detention?

Barry rapped sharply on the door of the classroom where detention was held, and almost every head in the room snapped to attention. Most of them relaxed when they saw it was only him, but Emma – peering under his arm – saw Alyssa and Shelby pulling identical ‘oh crap’ faces. If she hadn’t been so confused, Emma would’ve found it pretty hilarious.

“Hello, hi,” Barry greeted the supervising teacher as he strutted into the room. “Why are two of my soccer players here instead of at practise?”

The teacher sighed, handing over a sheet of paper. Barry perused it, his eyebrows rising higher and higher, and he glanced at the two girls with an expression of utter disbelief. Finally, he handed the paper back to the teacher.

“I’m taking them now.”

The teacher evidently didn’t care. “Fine.”

Alyssa and Shelby got to their feet a little hesitantly, gathering up their bags and hurrying to the door. Alyssa kept her eyes firmly on the floor, even when Emma tried to catch her gaze. Barry set off down the hall to the locker room.

“Locker vandalization, really? You’re in detention for locker vandalization?”

Emma stopped in her tracks. “What?” She swallowed. “You… it wasn’t…”

“No! Emma, no.” Alyssa finally met her eyes, turning to her and grabbing her hand. “I swear to God that wasn’t us. You know us. We would _never_.”

“Right,” Emma managed, breathing a little easier. “God, yeah, I know you’d never write that stuff, I’m sorry, I just jumped to the worst… the worst thing I could think of.”

Alyssa squeezed her hand tighter. “It’s okay.”

Emma blushed, slipping her hand from Alyssa’s grip when the intensity behind her eyes became too much, and started to walk again. “Wait,” she realized. “Then whose locker did you vandalize?”

“Ah.” Shelby pulled a face. “Funny story, that.”

Barry scoffed. “Sounds hilarious.”

“It was Derek’s,” Kaylee sighed, taking initiative when it seemed like neither Alyssa nor Shelby wanted to share.

“And you know this, how?” Barry asked.

Kaylee pursed her lips. “Because Alyssa asked me to find out who wrote on Emma’s locker.”

Emma froze once more as Barry turned his attention to her. She suddenly wished the ground would open up and swallow her whole. This time, everyone came to a halt in the quiet hallway, and Barry frowned in concern.

“Someone wrote on your locker?”

“Yeah,” Emma muttered. “Yesterday.”

“He wrote slurs, Barry,” Alyssa said, her voice hard.

“I see.” Barry’s jaw tightened.

Shelby pinched the bridge of her nose. “And that’s just the latest. He’s been harassing Emma for a while.”

“Shelby!” Emma hissed.

“I’m sorry, Emma, but this has gone too far,” Shelby insisted. “You need to tell someone. Like, an adult.”

“He’s a sexist, homophobic, ass-monkey,” Alyssa said sagely. “And when we found out he was the one who did that to Emma’s locker, Shelby and I simply decided that turnabout is fair play.”

Emma shook her head in disbelief. “You did that for me?”

Alyssa met her gaze a little shyly, dipping her head. “I couldn’t let him get away with it.”

“Yeah, well, _we_ would’ve gotten away from it if one of the little JV weasels hadn’t snitched on us,” Shelby muttered darkly.

Barry let out a deep sigh. “You can’t just go around vandalizing lockers. That being said, it definitely sounds like the little shit deserved it.”

“That’s an understatement,” Kaylee said.

“Emma, why don’t you hang back after practise and tell me what’s been going on, in your own words?” Barry suggested. “I can have a discreet word with Principal Hawkins and we can see what measures can be taken to make sure this doesn’t happen again?”

Emma didn’t really think it would do any good, but she found herself nodding a little reluctantly. “Okay.”

“Alyssa and Shelby,” Barry paused, the corners of his lips twitching up. “Go get changed and warmed up. We’re running laps soon. Lucky you.”

“You mean the team are running laps.” Shelby smirked. “You, as the coach, will simply observe.”

“Correct.”

Alyssa turned to go. In a moment of bravery, Emma reached out and caught hold of her hand again, swallowing thickly as tears began to prick at her eyes once more. “Thank you,” she murmured.

“Anytime,” Alyssa said, her eyes soft.

“Okay, let’s not make a habit of detention,” Barry said, interrupting the moment, and Emma dropped Alyssa’s hand. “God, you girls are gonna give me gray hairs.”

* * *

“Fuck.”

Emma groaned as she hit the floor. The collision with the oncoming forward had been painful, to say the least, but at least it hadn’t been her fault. Still, she stayed still on the ground until she was sure that she was uninjured.

“Emma, are you okay?” Alyssa crouched down by her hip, brown eyes filled with concern.

“Yeah,” Emma panted. “Just a bit winded.”

Alyssa stuck out her hand and Emma grabbed it, letting herself be pulled to her feet with surprising ease. Emma barely had time to marvel at how strong Alyssa was before they were both being shooed away from the ball by Carrie, who would be taking the free kick, as it was so deep into the Wildcats’ defensive third.

They were winning 3-1, and the clock had just ticked past eighty-two minutes; their opposition were getting desperate in their attacks, hence why Emma had ended up on the floor.

The team somehow managed to hold them off until the end of the game, but Emma was exhausted. She’d only played forty-five minutes, but she was _exhausted_. The Falcons were a physical team – she’d been warned before she’d stepped foot on the pitch – but what she hadn’t been prepared for was just how aggressive the spectators would be. The constant wall of sound had been hard to block out.

Emma all but collapsed onto the bus after the game, leaning her head against the window and closing her eyes. She felt an arm brush against hers, and knew that Alyssa had taken her place next to her. It brought a smile to her face.

“So,” Shelby said, twisting around in the seat in front of Emma to peer at the two of them. “Are we still on for ice cream?”

Emma felt like she was about to fall asleep, but she wasn’t about to miss out. “Duh.”

“I’m in,” Kaylee said.

Alyssa huffed, and Emma had a sudden feeling where this was going. “I’m so sorry, you guys. My mom’s insisting on a family dinner tonight.”

“But it’s just you two,” Shelby said.

“I know, I know,” Alyssa groaned. “I tried to ask if I could go out for ice cream as dessert, but today is the one day she’s actually taken interest in me this season, so… maybe it’s punishment for getting detention.”

“Was she at the game?” Kaylee asked.

Alyssa shrugged. “She said she would be, but I didn’t see her. There was a lot of people there, though. I'm sorry, guys.”

“It’s okay,” Emma said, swallowing her disappointment.

“You three should totally still go,” Alyssa insisted. “Don’t cancel on my account, please.”

Shelby hummed thoughtfully, turning her attention to Emma. “What do you say, Nolan?”

“Uh…” Emma wasn’t sure what to do. She didn’t know Shelby and Kaylee as well as she knew Alyssa, but this was what she was meant to be doing, right? Making friends. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go.”

Kaylee grinned at her. “We’ll send you the address. Meet there once we’ve all had a chance to shower and change?”

“Okay, yeah. Sounds good.”

Alyssa nudged her once Shelby and Kaylee had turned back around. “I really am sorry to bail on you.”

“It’s fine,” Emma said, giving her what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

“Still.” Alyssa chewed on her bottom lip, and Emma tried not to let her eyes follow the movement. “Hey, do you still need help for Chem? We could study tomorrow?”

Emma blinked in surprise. “Yeah, that would—that would be great, actually.”

“Cool,” Alyssa said, eyes lighting up. “I’ll text you later and we can figure something out.”

“Cool,” Emma echoed, trying to sound chilled and disaffected, and not like the prospect of spending time alone with Alyssa would send her into an emotional tailspin.

After all, it was just studying.

* * *

“So,” Shelby started, sticking her plastic spoon into the small tub of ice cream on the table in front of her. “How are you doing? You know, after… the other day.”

Emma was a little taken aback that Shelby seemed to care so much. “Um. Better. Than when I first saw my locker, that is. Better now that Barry is going to talk to Hawkins about it.”

“Yeah.” Shelby nodded, her jaw tight. “Alyssa showed us your locker on Friday morning.”

“We tried to clean it, but some of the words were really stubborn,” Kaylee added quietly, and Emma’s brain stopped working for a few seconds.

“You guys tried to fix my locker?”

In truth, she’d completely avoided it yesterday; hadn’t laid eyes on it since she’d first seen what Derek had done.

“’Tried’ being the operative word,” Shelby said quickly. “I don’t think we were very successful.”

“Thank you,” Emma said, swallowing the sudden lump of emotion in her throat. She stuck a spoonful of chocolate ice cream in her mouth, trying to give herself enough time to work through the surprising amount of emotion she felt at the mental image of the three of them trying to help. “So, uh, how did the locker revenge come about?”

“Well, Thursday night I got a text from Alyssa,” Kaylee said. “She asked if I’d heard anything through Nick about Emma, so I called Nick and asked him straight up.”

Emma swallowed. “And?”

“And he admitted that Derek wrote it,” Kaylee said, sighing heavily. “And that he was the lookout. Nick seemed to think Derek was pissed that you’re making a name for yourself on the team.”

“Oh.” Emma’s stomach twisted almost painfully, even though it had been pretty much what she’d been expecting.

Kaylee pursed her lips. “I can’t believe Nick helped him.”

“Well, that’s why we vandalized his locker, too,” Shelby said casually.

_“What?”_

Kaylee was looking at Shelby in shock. Emma lowered her spoon, eyes flicking back and forth between the two of them. Shelby shrugged one shoulder.

“Alyssa wrote insults on Derek’s locker, and seeing as we were already there, I did the same to Nick’s,” she explained. “In a way, I think it was more fun than egging his car would’ve been.”

Kaylee shook her head in amazement. “You truly are the best friend a girl could ask for, Shelby Gonzales.”

“He deserved it.” Shelby gave her an easy smile, before turning to look at Emma. “They both did. And I can’t take credit for it, anyway. It was all Alyssa’s idea.”

“Alyssa?” Emma’s eyes widened. “She was the one who…”

“She was pretty upset about it,” Shelby admitted quietly. “She said that she tried to find you after you ran, and that she was looking for ages, and that she was starting to panic. She hated what you were being put through and I think the decision for revenge came from that.”

“Wow,” Emma murmured. “What did she even write?”

Shelby smirked proudly. “Some really creative shit, I’ll tell you that.”

Emma snorted out a laugh, surprising herself, and shook her head incredulously. Shelby tilted her head to the side as she regarded her carefully.

“She cares about you, Emma,” she said. “A lot.”

“I know.”

“Do you?” Shelby arched an eyebrow. “Honestly, I don’t think even _Alyssa_ knows how much she cares. She just… reacted.”

Emma’s brain felt heavy. “Oh.”

“I’m sure in a week or so what she did will sink in,” Kaylee said. “Defacing school property, getting detention, et cetera.”

“Knowing Alyssa, she’ll panic,” Shelby commented. “That’s where we all come in.”

“All?” Emma asked.

Shelby flicked some ice cream at her from across that table. “You’re part of this now, Nolan. Like it or not.”

Emma grinned, wiping mint chocolate chip off her cheek and trying to hide how light Shelby’s words made her feel.

* * *

“Oh, so Alyssa’s coming over now?” Greg wiggled his eyebrows at Emma, standing in the doorway to her room.

“To _study_ , yes,” Emma said shortly, tidying up her bedroom as quickly as she could. “And she’ll be here any minute, so you better go annoy gran or your friends or someone who’s not me.”

“But where’s the fun in that?”

Emma kicked an odd sock under her bed. “Greg.”

“Fine,” Greg sighed dramatically. “But you owe me one.”

“For what?” Emma turned to him, incredulous.

Greg simply shrugged. “For being your wingman.”

“Jesus fucking—” Emma was cut off by the doorbell ringing. She watched Greg’s eyes light up, and her stomach sank. “Don’t you dare.”

“I’ll get it, gran!” Greg yelled, taking off in a run. Emma wanted to scream.

She set off behind her cousin, glancing back at her room one last time as she left, and hurried down the stairs. She could already hear voices from the front door, and she quickened her pace.

Emma skidded down the front hallway and almost collided with Greg, who was talking to Alyssa.

“Yeah, Emma will be with you shortly, she’s just plucking her—oof!”

Reaching out and grabbing him by the scruff of his neck, even though he was almost half a foot taller than her, Emma dragged Greg out of the way. She knew her cheeks were flushed red as she finally managed to address Alyssa.

“Please ignore my idiot cousin,” she begged. “He’s an asshole who wants to see me suffer.”

Alyssa giggled, and it made Emma’s dumb heart flutter. “Okay.”

“Uh, come in,” Emma said, standing aside and letting her past. She sent a glare at her cousin. “Greg, don’t you have somewhere else to be?”

“No.”

Emma’s glare intensified.

“Actually, yes,” Greg amended. “I forgot I was supposed to be helping dad fix up an old car like we're in the olden days. See you.”

Emma sighed and shook her head, knowing that Greg was lying through his teeth. She went to the kitchen and poured two glasses of water for her and Alyssa, turning to find Alyssa watching her with a small smile on her face that made her blush.

“Shall we?” Emma asked, clearing her throat and nodding to the stairs.

Luckily, Greg did indeed leave them to study in peace, and Emma was actually finding herself making progress with Alyssa’s help. They spent a couple of hours sprawled on the floor of Emma’s bedroom, going over their textbooks and the notes Alyssa had made over the semester; stuff Emma forgot had even happened.

“God, I would be so screwed without your help,” Emma sighed, copying down an equation that she now almost understood.

“Glad I can be of assistance,” Alyssa said with a grin. “Shelby’s actually better at Chemistry than me, but she’s not the best teacher. She messes around too much; you’d never get anything done.”

Emma thought back to the previous evening and the ice cream on her face. “Yeah, I could imagine that.” She paused, biting her lip. “She told me that writing on Derek’s locker in retaliation was your idea.”

“I… yeah.” Alyssa glanced up at her. “Yeah, it was. Listen, Emma, I’m really sorry if I overstepped or escalated anything, I just couldn’t stand it anymore and I acted without thinking.”

“No, don’t apologize,” Emma said quickly. “No, I… I wanted to say thank you. I never thought anyone would, you know, do that for me. It means a lot.”

Alyssa smiled softly at her. The steady look in her eyes was almost starting to become too much for Emma, so she chuckled and looked away, trying to find something else to say.

“What did you write on his locker, anyway?”

Alyssa shrugged. “Just some stuff.”

“The c-word?”

“Maybe.”

Emma laughed. “Alyssa Greene, how dare you.”

“What? It’s true!” Alyssa’s eyes were alight. They laughed together for a minute, studying forgotten, and then Emma sat up and leaned against the foot of her bed with a sigh.

“Do you think people will always say that shit about me?” she asked. “Sorry, that’s a heavy question, you don’t have to—”

“I think, sadly, that some people will always think it,” Alyssa interrupted quietly, sitting up too. “There’s always going to be Dereks out there. But the rest of us will always be louder.”

“What, are you gonna get the team to scream in Derek’s face about how he and I are nothing alike?” Emma snorted. “Hold demonstrations about how none of you are bothered about changing in front of a lesbian?”

“If that’s what it takes,” Alyssa said determinedly. “Em, you still don’t believe me, do you?”

Emma could only shrug a little helplessly, caught completely off-guard by the perceptiveness of Alyssa’s question. “I… some things are hard to shake when they’re spat at you with enough hatred.”

Pain flashed behind Alyssa’s eyes. In a flash, she grabbed her still half-full glass of water and, before Emma could react, she threw it over herself.

“Alyssa, what—”

“Whoops, so clumsy,” Alyssa said, getting to her feet and looking down at the wet spot on the shoulder of her top. “Can I borrow a shirt?”

“Yeah, of course.” Emma frowned in confusion, scrambling to her feet.

“Great,” Alyssa said.

And with that, she crossed her arms at her waist, and pulled her shirt off over her head.

For one still moment, Emma just gaped at her, her eyes snapping to Alyssa’s own in an effort to avoid looking at the amount of smooth skin on display, or at Alyssa’s pale pink bra. She felt like she couldn’t breathe; her brain was lagging, not computing the reason Alyssa had just taken off her shirt like it was nothing. She’d spilled the water on purpose. She was doing this on purpose.

“See?” Alyssa said. Her eyes were wide, like she herself was just realizing what she was doing. “Completely unbothered.”

Emma opened her mouth and closed it again, resisting the urge to tell her that at least one of them was unbothered by her state of undress. She kept staring resolutely into Alyssa’s eyes, noticing as she did so that the more time passed, the more unsure Alyssa looked.

“You didn’t have to…” Emma gestured vaguely at her torso.

Alyssa swallowed. “I wanted to.”

“Um.” Emma blushed, and Alyssa’s eyes widened suddenly.

“Oh, God, that came out wrong.” Alyssa squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m so sorry, I was so caught up in proving a point that I didn’t stop and think that I might be the one to make _you_ uncomfortable, or—”

“It’s okay,” Emma said quickly. She took a step towards her. “I’m not… I just wasn’t expecting you to—”

“Me neither,” Alyssa said, opening her eyes again and looking at her apologetically. Emma’s breath caught in her throat and, for a moment, she wondered if Alyssa stopped breathing too.

Emma felt flushed, and hot, and like her throat was made of sandpaper when she gulped. Alyssa’s eyes flicked between her own, something behind them that Emma couldn’t quite put her finger on.

“Em, I…”

“Are you girls hungry? Because I have some cookies downst—”

Emma whipped around as Betsy walked into her room without knocking. For a long, painful moment, nothing happened, and then everyone started speaking at once.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt—”

“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Nolan, I can explain—”

“Gran, this is _not_ what it looks like—”

Betsy held up a hand, and both Emma and Alyssa fell silent. “What exactly is happening here?”

“Uh…” Emma’s brain ground to a halt in that moment because, honestly, she had _no_ idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp. 
> 
> (please leave a comment if you can; shit's been hard lately and reading them really does brighten my day so much)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im SO sorry this has taken such a long time, life got a little crazy for a while and honestly i had zero motivation even before i accidentally deleted what id started of the chapter and had to start over. sorry too thats its a shorter one at 2.2k but hey, at least it's something!

“I spilled my water on myself,” Alyssa said quickly, jumping into an explanation before Emma was able to restart her brain. “I asked Emma if I could borrow a shirt and she was just about to get me one. That’s all.”

Betsy hummed, fixing her gaze on Emma. “Is that true?”

“Yeah.” Emma winced internally at the crack in her voice. Technically, none of what Alyssa had said was a lie; she’d just left out the part about tipping the water over herself on purpose.

“Are… you going to get her a shirt?”

“Huh?” Emma blinked suddenly, noticing the expectant look on her grandmother’s face. “Oh, yeah! Right.”

Blushing furiously, she strode over to her dresser and grabbed the first t-shirt she could find, walking back and handing it to Alyssa with her eyes on the floor. She barely heard Alyssa’s muttered thanks as she pulled the shirt over her head.

“Well, as I was saying, there’s cookies downstairs if either of you want some,” Betsy said, continuing as if nothing had happened.

“Actually, Mrs. Nolan, I really should be getting home,” Alyssa said. Emma glanced over at her in concern, which only deepened when Alyssa refused to look back at her. Her jaw was tight, shoulders stiffened and eyes still a little wide. Emma’s heart sank.

“Do you need a ride?” she offered.

Alyssa shook her head quickly, still not looking at her. “No. No, I’ll be okay.”

“Well… thanks for helping me study,” Emma said, unable to stop the disappointment from creeping into her voice.

Gathering her things up quickly, Alyssa finally, _finally_ looked at her, albeit briefly. Her voice wobbled slightly as she spoke. “Thanks for, um, the shirt.”

And with a mumbled goodbye to the two of them, Alyssa fled. Emma watched her go with a lump in her throat, unsure how things had gone wrong so very quickly, and with no idea how to fix them.

Betsy sighed. “Are you going to tell me what really happened?”

“I would if I knew,” Emma said quietly. She rubbed tiredly at her eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay, so Alyssa knew I’d been feeling weird about being in the locker room, especially after some… things that this one dumbass had been saying, so I think she was just trying to make a point that nobody on the team is worried about changing in front of me. I—I don’t know how else to explain it.”

“That is…” Betsy trailed off, her brow creasing a little. “Not the explanation I was expecting to hear, in all honesty.”

Emma’s face felt like it was on fire. “I promise it wasn’t _that_.” She shrugged helplessly. “Alyssa doesn’t even like me like that. I don’t even know if she likes girls.”

“Ah, but _you_ like _her_ ,” Betsy guessed, and Emma couldn’t even bring herself to be surprised at her perceptiveness.

“Yeah, and now I’ve made everything weird.”

“Don’t blame yourself,” Betsy said immediately. “You didn’t make her do anything. Clearly whatever the hell just happened took you both by surprise.”

“Maybe.”

Betsy walked over and put an arm around Emma’s shoulders. “How about we go downstairs and eat some of those cookies? Give Alyssa a little bit of time to come around.”

Emma nodded, hoping she was right. She didn’t know what she’d do if her grandma was wrong about Alyssa simply needing to process. Something felt off, like she couldn’t quite figure out what that strange moment just before Betsy had interrupted had been; she couldn’t even begin to describe it.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she remembered Kaylee and Shelby saying something about Alyssa being the type of person to panic after impulse decisions. Well, they’d seemingly been right about _that_.

Emma just prayed that, if that’s what it was, it wouldn’t redefine their friendship for the worse.

* * *

Emma swore under her breath as she hit the ground. Kaylee looked down at her in horror, holding out a hand to help her up again.

“I’m sorry, Emma! I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s okay,” Emma said, brushing her off as she stood. “It’s not like you meant to trip me. I just couldn’t get my feet to move fast enough.”

The scrimmage match, to put it mildly, wasn’t going well for Emma.

Actually, practise in general this week had been going pretty badly for her. No matter what, she just couldn’t focus on the game, and she felt pathetic. Because she knew she was distracted.

Alyssa hadn’t said a word to her since she’d run out of her room on Sunday; Emma’s worry that she’d essentially managed to destroy her friendship with Alyssa had only grown over the past four days, and it was showing on the pitch. Not only was Emma struggling as an individual, the ‘psychic’ connection she’d shared with Alyssa was gone too, which meant they never seemed to be on the same page when it came to passes and manoeuvres.

That, of course, wasn't helped by the way that Alyssa seemed to be refusing to not only speak to her, but to look at her, too.

The scrimmage match continued, and Emma swore blind to herself that she was trying her best, but it was like there was something interrupting the signals from her brain to the rest of her body. She allowed herself a stolen glance at Alyssa; messy ponytail blowing in the breeze, eyebrows pinched as she watched the ball move between players, lips pursed in concentration. Clearly, she wasn’t as badly affected by the whole thing as Emma was.

“Nolan!”

Emma turned towards the voice that had shouted her name just in time to get hit square in the face by the soccer ball, and then she was on the ground once more. She groaned, raising a tentative hand to her stinging nose. Her fingers came away with blood on them. Great.

“God, are you okay?” Shelby asked, crouching down next to her.

Emma pinched her nose in an attempt to stem the bleeding, her eyes glancing up at the players huddled around her. She locked eyes with a worried-looking Alyssa, and had to fight to swallow a sudden lump in her throat.

“I’m fine,” she muttered. “Just need some ice.”

“Gonzales, take her to the nurse’s office,” Barry instructed. “We can pause the game and go over some tactics for the game on Saturday while you’re gone; I’ll catch both of you up later.”

“Okay,” Shelby said, helping Emma to her feet. “Up you get, Nolan.”

“I’m fine,” Emma said again. Frustrated tears pricked at her eyes. “I’m fine.”

“I know you are, but we still need to get you looked at.”

Shelby left no room for argument as she escorted Emma off the pitch and back towards the school. Emma was silent.

“What’s going on, Emma?” Shelby sighed. “Feels like you’ve taken a step back this week.”

“Stalker.”

“Hey, I’m your captain, it’s my job to pay attention to these things,” Shelby reminded her. She shrugged. “I’m also your friend.”

Emma pressed her lips together. “I thought you were Alyssa’s friend.”

“Funny, I thought you were Alyssa’s friend, too,” Shelby commented lightly, but there was concern in her eyes as Emma laughed bitterly.

“Yeah. So did I, but she hasn’t said a word to me since…”

“Since what?” Shelby prompted.

“Nothing,” Emma said quickly. Clearly, Alyssa hadn’t told her friends about what had happened, and she wasn’t about to go blurting it out. “I just don’t think she wants to be my friend anymore.”

“That’s insane.” Shelby sounded a million times more confident than Emma felt. “She thinks you hung the moon and stars themselves.”

Emma swallowed, tears gathering in her eyes again. “Yeah? Then why won’t she even look at me?”

“I don’t know,” Shelby sighed heavily. “She’s been off this week too, and not just on the pitch. She’s just hiding it better. I have no idea what happened with you guys, but if I know Alyssa, she probably thinks she’s the one who messed up.”

“She didn’t do anything wrong,” Emma whispered, mostly to herself, but she knew Shelby had heard her. Emma cleared her throat, raising her voice a little. “I’m trying to give her space.”

“Ah. See, I think she’s trying to give you space, too.”

Emma shook her head. “No. That can’t be it. She—”

“Listen, Emma,” Shelby said sharply. “Like I said, I don’t know what happened, but you two need to talk about it one way or the other. Like it or not, you’re both part of my team, so if you won’t sort it out for your own benefit, can you do it for the team’s?”

“Fine,” Emma bit back, a few tears finally escaping down her cheeks. “But I’m blaming you if she never speaks to me again.”

Shelby smirked at her, clearly smug that she’d found a way through. “Somehow I doubt that will be the outcome.”

* * *

Emma didn’t manage to find the perfect moment to talk to Alyssa until after the Wildcats’ seventh game, two days later. Somehow, they’d managed a 1-0 win, probably helped by the fact that Emma was on the bench for the entirety of the match, which was definitely for the best.

She gathered up her things and left without changing, waiting in the hallway by the locker rooms and psyching herself up to have this conversation. She didn’t know why she was so scared. It was only Alyssa.

Then again, it was _Alyssa_.

Emma swallowed hard, feeling her palms starting to sweat as her teammates left. Finally, after what seemed like years, Alyssa opened the door, stopping in her tracks when she saw Emma leaning against the wall.

“Hey.” Emma’s voice was hoarse. “We should… talk?”

“Yeah,” Alyssa breathed, and it was amazing how a single word directed at her after almost a week cut straight to Emma’s heart. God, she was so hopelessly gone for this girl.

“I—uh—”

“Can I go first?” Alyssa asked suddenly, and Emma’s jumbled apology died on her tongue.

“Sure.”

Alyssa took a deep breath. “Emma, I’m so sorry for making you uncomfortable back when, you know… I just—I didn’t mean to make things weird with our friendship and I wish I’d thought it through but I just reacted and I wasn’t—I didn’t—I’m just sorry.”

“You don’t hate me?”

“What?” Alyssa looked at her in shock, like she couldn’t believe Emma could think such a thing. “Of course I don’t hate you. I could never.”

Emma’s gaze dropped to the floor. “You haven’t so much as looked at me all week. I thought you didn’t want to be my friend anymore. I thought—”

Alyssa threw her arms around Emma’s neck, hugging her tightly and forcing all the breath out of her lungs. Emma froze, and Alyssa suddenly pulled back.

“I’m sorry. Shit, I should’ve asked before I—”

“You can hug me literally any time you want to,” Emma interrupted her, managing to kick her brain into gear just in time to stop Alyssa’s ramble. “Please know that.”

Alyssa hugged her again, gentler this time, but Emma still felt her long exhale as she relaxed. This time, Emma tentatively brought her arms up to wind lightly around Alyssa’s waist, not quite believing that Alyssa had willingly put herself in her space again, just like that.

“I’m sorry for running,” Alyssa murmured quietly. “Your grandma walked in and—and I guess I freaked out a little. Not that there was anything… it was just a weird situation I put us in.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me that on Monday?” Emma sniffed, closing her eyes.

“I was embarrassed,” Alyssa admitted in a small voice.

“But you don’t have anything to be embarrassed about,” Emma said. “At least not from my perspective. It’s okay.”

“We’re okay?” Alyssa’s voice was timid, and it made Emma’s heart ache. She squeezed her a little tighter.

“Yeah. We’re okay.” Emma reluctantly let her go. “Friends again?”

Alyssa’s expression was hard to read, but her eyes were wide and glistening with unshed tears. “I never stopped being your friend, Emma.”

And there it was again. Something in Alyssa’s face that Emma couldn’t quite understand. She didn’t think it was a bad thing, per se, especially not after they’d made up, but she didn’t know what to make of it.

Alyssa almost looked like she wanted to say something else; her mouth opened and closed a couple of times and her eyes searched Emma’s; for what, Emma didn’t know. She waited, wondering if Alyssa was going to say what was evidently on her mind, but after a long moment, Alyssa just smiled at her.

“See you Monday?” she asked hopefully.

“Yeah,” Emma said. “See you Monday.”

Something was niggling at her as she watched Alyssa go. She felt like she was missing something still. And, sure, they’d talked about it a little bit, but Emma still didn’t really know what had been going on in Alyssa’s head when she’d decided to spill the water and take her shirt off to prove a point.

But things were getting back to normal between the two of them, and for now, that was more than enough for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not sure when the next chapter will be up but im getting back into the rhythm of writing now so hopefully it wont be however many weeks it took me to get this chapter up...


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello hopefully im back in my writing rhythm! i wanna say a huge thank you to everyone who leaves me a comment, whether its on here or in tumblr/discord dms, or who otherwise yells at me about this fic; it really is the biggest motivator and i love you all!

Emma took a deep breath before walking into the Chemistry lab. She spotted Alyssa at the table that had kind of become theirs over the past several weeks, an empty space next to her, and forced her feet to start moving in that direction. Sure, they’d made up, but Emma wasn’t sure how things would be today. She stopped in front of the desk and cleared her throat.

“Hi.”

Alyssa looked up, and Emma let out a breath when she smiled at her. “Hey, Em.”

“Can I sit?” Emma asked quietly, inclining her head to the seat next to Alyssa.

“Yeah,” Alyssa breathed. “I mean, only if you want to. You don’t have to if you’d rather sit somewhere else—”

“I wanna sit next to you,” Emma admitted, cheeks burning. “Uh, besides, who else would let me copy off them?”

Alyssa bit down on her bottom lip and shook her head, a small smile tugging at her mouth. “Nobody.”

“Exactly.” Emma sat down next to her just as the teacher called everyone to attention, and she just about managed to hold back a groan when she realized she would be getting her test from last week back. The test that she and Alyssa had been studying for when the whole… incident had happened, and the test that she had subsequently bombed because she had been so worried about Alyssa.

To her surprise, she had just about scraped a passing grade, but it was still a bit of a knock to her average grade in this class. Alyssa sighed heavily as she got her own test back, shaking her head at herself, and Emma suspected that she’d had a similar outcome.

“I sure picked an excellent time to have a crisis,” Alyssa muttered under her breath. Emma glanced over, catching sight of a big red ‘F’ circled at the top of the page. Oh, shit.

“It’s just one test,” Emma murmured. “You can make it up, I know you can.”

She didn’t quite know what Alyssa meant by ‘crisis’, but she decided she didn’t want to push it just now. Alyssa Greene getting an F was unheard of at James Madison High. Maybe she hadn’t been as unaffected by their week of awkwardness as Emma had first assumed.

Alyssa still had the same troubled look on her face by the time lunch period rolled around. Shelby took one look at her and frowned, resting her forearms on the table and fixing her with a look.

“What happened?”

“I failed my Chem test,” Alyssa sighed, sitting down next to Emma on the bench. Their elbows brushed together, and sparks shot through Emma’s arm. Alyssa sucked in a breath. “I—uh—shit, I forgot what I was going to say.”

Shelby raised her eyebrows even as her expression morphed into one of sympathy. “I’m sorry, Alyssa, that sucks. If it makes you feel any better, it was only one little test, and you’re, like, one of the smartest people I know.”

Alyssa managed a small smile. “Thanks, Shelbs. Anyway, um, enough about me. How was the rest of your weekend?”

“We adopted a puppy.”

Emma’s fork clattered to her plate. “I’m sorry, what?”

“We got a puppy.” Shelby’s grin was almost splitting her face. “My mom went to the shelter on Saturday morning to see if she could sign me up for volunteering and she ended up coming home last night with a little black lab.”

“Holy shit,” Kaylee squealed. “Can we meet them?”

“Soon,” Shelby promised. “He’s still getting used to us right now so we don’t wanna rush him, but he’s so freakin’ adorable, you guys. I’m in love.”

“What’s his name?” Alyssa cooed, failed test all but forgotten.

Shelby snorted. “Well, his full name is Barnabus Rex… not my choice, by the way, but I just call him Barney. I’m sure he’ll have a million different nicknames before long.”

“Do you have pictures?” Kaylee reached for Shelby’s phone, and Shelby let her type in the passcode and scroll through the camera roll without fuss. “Oh my God, he’s so precious.”

“Right?”

Emma glanced at Alyssa out of the corner of her eye, watching as she craned her neck to try and see the photos. Their arms brushed together once more, and maybe it was only because Emma was looking at her this time, but she thought she saw Alyssa’s shoulder jolt a little, almost like she’d gotten a static shock. Alyssa met her eyes for a split-second, gaze darting away immediately, only it didn’t worry Emma like Alyssa not looking at her last week had, and she wasn’t entirely sure why.

It kind of felt like there was some sort of strange energy crackling between them, to Emma anyway, but she just supposed it was a side-effect of having her crush in such close proximity after everything that had happened over the past week. Putting it out of her mind, Emma tuned back into the puppy conversation, relieved that things between them seemed to be holding up fine, and hoping they would stay that way. With the run up to the knock-out stages of the tournament fast approaching, it was vital that the whole team's chemistry was right.

* * *

“Kid, wait up a moment,” Barry requested, stopping Emma just as she was about to head back to the locker rooms after training. Emma wiped the sweat off her forehead with the back of her forearm and turned to her coach.

“Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine.” Barry waved a reassuring hand at her. “I just wanted to check in with you. You were struggling a bit last week.”

“Yeah,” Emma said, shifting from foot to foot. “Just life stuff. It’s all better now, and I shouldn’t have let it affect me on the pitch like that, I—”

“It’s okay, Emma, I’m not here to give you a hard time,” Barry said. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder for a moment, giving her a smile full of understanding. “Have the football team been behaving themselves?”

“For now,” Emma said. “I think going to Principal Hawkins took the wind out of their sails for a little while, and it helped that I didn’t play last weekend.”

“About that,” Barry said. “I want you to start the game this Saturday.”

Emma was dumbfounded. “Why?”

“Because you need to experience the intensity of those first twenty minutes,” Barry explained. “Preferably before we get to the knock-out stages and the intensity doubles.”

“Right,” Emma murmured. “Makes sense. But, Barry, are you sure? What if starting me means we have a hole in our defense that fresh players take advantage of to get an early lead that we can’t close?”

“I don’t think that’s going to happen, Emma. You’re a lot sharper this week; you’re back on form.” Barry grinned at her. “And, barring a complete disaster, I think it’s a pretty safe bet that we’ll make it to Sectionals.”

Emma chewed on her bottom lip. “If you’re sure…”

“I’m sure,” Barry said immediately. “Westville High are a physical team, but you’re strong. I know you can go toe-to-toe with their forwards.”

“I have no idea why you have so much faith in me,” Emma said, shaking her head in bewilderment. “But I’ll do my best not to let you down.”

In truth, the thought of starting both terrified and exhilarated her. The only thing that calmed her was that, although it perhaps wasn’t back to a ‘psychic’ level just yet, her on-field connection with Alyssa was returning, fixing the weakness that had begun to show in James Madison’s right wing last week. As long as she had that connection, Emma knew that she could at least make it through.

She hadn’t even been aware of how much she relied on that unspoken connection until it had temporarily disappeared, leaving her disorientated and uncertain. Now, though, now she could feel her confidence growing again, and that was the one thing that stopped the worry from taking over.

* * *

Emma woke up that Saturday morning with nerves fluttering in the pit of her stomach.

Her grandma gave her a big smile as she pushed a plate of breakfast in front of her at the kitchen table. “Eat up. You’re going to need all the energy you can get.”

Even Greg had dragged himself out of bed and had come over before Emma left for the school, which Emma hadn’t been expecting. And it wasn’t like she’d never played in a match before, but this was the first time she’d been a part of the starting eleven. She’d likely play the majority of the game. No matter what, it was a milestone for her, and not one that she’d thought she’d reach two months ago when the season was just beginning.

Emma drove to the school early, wanting to change in the locker room before boarding the bus rather than change at home. She wasn’t entirely sure why; maybe she just wanted a moment to herself as she pulled the jersey over her head. A moment to really stop and think about the weight she was about to put on her shoulders.

Sure, this was only high school soccer, but it meant something to her. It meant something she hadn’t anticipated. It had brought her friendship, and confidence, and even co-ordination. She owed a lot to this sport, and so she found herself sat on a bench in the Wildcats’ locker room after she’d changed, curling her fingers around the edge of the bench and just thinking for a moment.

Although, she seemingly hadn’t realized how long that moment was, because she jumped almost out of her skin when the door to the locker room opened and Alyssa poked her head inside.

“Are you okay?” she asked, amusement dancing in her eyes as she took in the way Emma was clutching over her heart.

“Fine,” Emma managed. “You just startled me.”

“Sorry.” Alyssa stepped fully into the room. “We’re leaving for Westville in a few minutes and I thought I’d find you here.”

“I didn’t think I was this predictable,” Emma said, snorting under her breath. Alyssa just smiled at her.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Emma looked up and met her eyes. The air stilled. “Yeah. I’m a little nervous about starting, but… I’m actually okay.”

“Good,” Alyssa said softly. She hesitated for a second, and then crossed the distance between them to sit down next to Emma on the bench. “So. These past couple of weeks have been weird.”

“Yeah,” Emma muttered. “Sorry about that.”

“What? No, Emma, it’s not your fault.” Alyssa was quick to reassure her, putting a hand just above her knee and squeezing. Emma stopped breathing, and Alyssa froze for a moment before continuing. “None of it is your fault. I was the one who made things weird. I was the one who ran away. I, uh…”

Her voice died as they looked at each other, and there was that look yet again. The one Emma didn’t know what to make of. This time, though, Alyssa took a deep breath and tried again.

“There’s something I haven’t told you,” she whispered. “Something important that I want you to know.”

“Okay.” Emma’s voice was hoarse.

“I’m… I think—no, I’m sure that, well…” Alyssa closed her eyes and took in a sharp breath. “I’m a lesbian.”

Emma’s brain went completely blank. Her eyebrows shot up. “ _Oh_. Um. That’s…”

“I think, on some level, I always knew,” Alyssa continued, shoulders sagging at the relief of unburdening herself. “I just didn’t want to confront it. But recently, well, I kind of had to.” She swallowed hard, opening her eyes again to meet Emma’s gaze. “Do… do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“I—I don’t, uh—” Emma’s tongue tripped over the words, not entirely sure what was happening. Alyssa was a lesbian, too. She was sitting there, with her hand on Emma’s leg, staring into her eyes with the most nervous expression Emma had ever seen on her face. She knew what she wanted Alyssa to be saying, but the odds of that had to be astronomical. She shook her head.

“Em…”

She barely heard her own name in her ears; too busy trying to decipher what it was she was seeing behind Alyssa’s eyes. Her gaze dropped to Alyssa’s lips for a fleeting moment, her stomach flipping with nerves completely unrelated to the upcoming match. Alyssa’s hand tightened on her leg.

Emma must’ve been dreaming, because she could almost swear that Alyssa’s face was getting closer. But that couldn’t be right. And yet…

No, Alyssa was actually leaning in. Her eyes flicked between Emma’s, glancing down for a moment as she drew closer still. Emma was frozen in place, rooted to the spot, stopped from closing the rest of the gap no matter how much she wanted to, because this had to be some kind of misunderstanding.

It wasn’t possible that Alyssa was going to kiss her.

She felt Alyssa’s breath against her lips, and her stomach was doing somersaults, and her heart felt like it was going to explode right out of her chest, and—

The door burst open.

They leapt apart, Emma catching herself on the bench to stop herself from falling onto the floor, and trying in vain to calm her racing heart. Her cheeks were on fire as she looked up to see Shelby standing in the doorway with surprise written all over her face. Emma swallowed down her panic at being caught almost kissing Alyssa, meeting her eyes and hoping she wasn’t about to experience a repeat of the shirt incident.

“Shelby,” Alyssa squeaked, tearing her eyes away from Emma. “What—”

“You didn’t come back and Barry sent me to find you both,” Shelby managed, eyes darting back and forth between the two of them. “We’re, uh, leaving for the match.”

“Shit, the match,” Emma muttered, getting to her feet. Alyssa’s face was flushed, and she looked disorientated, and Emma had no idea what was meant to happen now. She hurried towards the door, shaking her head subtly at Shelby, because she looked like she had questions that Emma didn’t have the answers to right now.

“Emma,” Alyssa said, stopping her in her tracks. She turned around to see Alyssa looking at her timidly. “Will you, um, save me a space on the bus?”

And it was odd how that, of all things, helped Emma to relax a little. “Yeah. Of course.”

Alyssa nodded at her, clearing her throat when she clearly noticed the expectant look Shelby was now giving her. Emma, sensing that she should probably go on ahead, slid past Shelby and left, her hands shaking at her sides.

What the _hell_ had just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to yell at/with me WE'RE FINALLY GETTING SOMEWHERE WITH EMMA'S OBLIVIOUS SELF


	11. Chapter 11

True to her word, Emma saved Alyssa a space on the bus. She and Shelby turned up only a couple of minutes after Emma, ignoring Barry’s significant look at his watch, and Alyssa’s lips curled into an uncertain smile when she saw the empty seat next to Emma. Shelby’s hand reached out to momentarily squeeze Alyssa’s shoulder as she walked past to where Kaylee was sat.

Emma had no idea what to say. She didn’t even know if Alyssa wanted her to say anything, considering the fact that they weren’t alone, so she simply stayed quiet and tried to give Alyssa her best attempt at a reassuring smile.

Alyssa swallowed nervously. “Do you, uh, understand what I was trying to say now?” she asked, keeping her voice low.

Emma’s heart started beating faster. “I—maybe.”

“That’s progress, I guess.” Alyssa sounded a little breathless. “Is it… okay with you?”

“Yes,” Emma said immediately, cringing a little at the speed of her answer. “If what you’re trying to say is what I’m starting to think maybe you were trying to say, then… it’s more than okay.”

Alyssa’s brow was furrowed a little in confusion, and in truth, Emma’s head was swimming trying to make sense of the conversation beneath their conversation. She couldn’t be sure she wasn’t making a complete mess of it all. So, instead, and being mindful of the other people around them, Emma put her hand – palm up – in the small space between them.

She kept her gaze ahead of her, heart in her throat, waiting for a response. And then, she felt Alyssa’s fingers slotting between her own, intertwining them, pressing their palms together in a perfect fit, and she exhaled for what felt like the first time in a very long time.

Emma squeezed her hand, and Alyssa squeezed back, and maybe they were finally getting to be on the same page. She wanted to say more, and she felt as if Alyssa did too, but the silence wasn’t that uncomfortable as Emma watched the fields go by out of the bus window.

“So… is your grandma coming today?” Alyssa finally broke the quiet. Emma turned her head to look at her and smiled.

“Yeah, she’s coming and she’s super excited. Greg’s driving her there,” she explained. “What about your mom?”

Alyssa’s smile turned rueful. “She’s out of town until tonight. Something to do with the real estate company.”

“I’m sorry, that sucks.” Emma brushed her thumb over Alyssa’s.

“It, uh, it’s okay.” Alyssa cleared her throat, eyes dropping momentarily to their joined hands. “When we make it through to Sectionals she’ll probably start taking it seriously.”

“Still,” Emma said. “It must be hard. If it’s any help, my gran will definitely be cheering for you, too.”

“Even after everything?” Alyssa raised her eyebrows, and Emma flushed bright red.

“She knows the, ah, situation,” she said. “She doesn’t think we were… anyway. It’s all good. You’re not banned or anything.”

“Good,” Alyssa said, a slightly embarrassed smile on her face. “That’s good.”

“It’s good,” Emma echoed. “Wait, you already said—just ignore me. I’m awkward.”

Alyssa bit her bottom lip. “I like your awkward.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s cute,” Alyssa said quietly.

Emma felt like she was going to pass out. “Same.” She paused. “Wait. That didn’t come out right. I meant to say that you’re…”

Alyssa just shook her head fondly, a pink tinge to her cheeks, and squeezed Emma’s hand again. 

“I know what you meant.”

* * *

The whistle to begin the game blew, sharp in Emma’s ears, and she sprung into action. Westville had won the toss-up and had decided on starting with the ball, which had meant that James Madison had gotten to pick the side of the field they wanted for the first half. Emma still wasn’t entirely sure what the pros and cons of the choice were, but she wasn’t particularly worried about the opposition having the ball at kick-off. A lot could happen in ninety minutes.

Emma went to meet her mark, who currently had possession of the ball, eyes on her body language to see if she could guess her next move. She still hadn’t attempted slide tackling in practise, so she definitely wasn’t about to try it in a game, which limited her defensive arsenal a little, but she knew she had a few options at her disposal.

The attacking winger looked like she was about to go right, towards the middle of the pitch, but Emma noticed that she was preparing to pull the ball left and around her instead. Reacting on muscle memory rather than any semblance of brain function, Emma pushed off right, timing the movement to poke the ball away from her at the moment of her fake-out, and stealing it from her. She faintly heard a cheer coming from the small group of Wildcats supporters in the stands.

Maybe she could do this after all.

The intensity to the first twenty or so minutes of the game was exactly as it had looked like from the outside; perhaps even moreso. Emma found herself short of breath quicker than usual, chasing after the ball when it came towards her, tackling the ball off the opponent or receiving a pass when another defender did the same, pushing the ball further up the field to launch a counter-attack. The pace of it was something she’d only experienced in a couple of scrimmage matches, and even then, the stakes had been low.

Thankfully, Alyssa always seemed to be wherever Emma wanted to pass the ball, even when Emma was just passing it in the vague direction of one of her teammates because the pressure from the opposition was becoming too much to try and keep it. In short, Alyssa was making her look like a much better player than she was.

Kaylee’s goal just before half-time bolstered the team, and even though Emma was getting tired, she still ran over to give Kaylee a high five and beam at Alyssa, who would be credited with the assist. 

She sat between Alyssa and Shelby on the bench at half-time, downing most of the contents of her water bottle and wondering how the hell Shelby and Kaylee and sometimes Alyssa made it through a whole game of this. Shelby saw the look on her face and laughed.

“Half of the battle’s in your head,” she explained. “You could be the fittest person in the world and still not be able to run around the pitch for that long, simply because you don’t want to.”

Emma puffed out her cheeks. “I don’t think I can do the full ninety, but I’ve got at least a little bit of energy left.”

“That’s the spirit, Nolan,” Shelby said cheerfully.

“You’re doing really well,” Alyssa told her, knocking their shoulders together gently. Emma blushed, hoping the fact that her cheeks were already red from exertion would hide it. Shelby sent her a smirk, though, so Emma somehow doubted it.

Not for the first time, she wondered how much Shelby knew without being told.

* * *

Emma was subbed out after seventy-five minutes of play, which was the longest she’d been on the pitch to date. She was exhausted, but she felt incredible. Natalie high-fived her as she crossed the sideline onto the field, and it helped that Emma knew that she was leaving play to make room for a really skilled person, ready in case Westville launched a last-ditch effort. James Madison were now 2-0 up, which helped Emma make the mental transition from player to bench-warmer pretty easily. She wiped the sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand and reached for her water bottle once more. Barry gave her a thumbs up and a grin before turning his attention back to the action. Emma smiled to herself.

She settled in to watch the last fifteen minutes of the game, allowing herself to relax a little. If the Wildcats won or drew the match, then they’d be through to the knockout rounds. If they lost, then it would come down to goal difference versus the other teams in the area on the same point score, and would be a little more complicated, but there would still be a chance.

Emma watched Alyssa receive a long pass, settling the ball at her feet with one touch before pushing off into a powerful run and dodging two members of the opposing team. God, she really was incredible. Emma could see why, aside from her crush, she’d been so drawn to watching Alyssa play last year.

Alyssa passed to Shelby, dashing forward towards the penalty area to provide support. Shelby, as a forward and the team captain, immediately had several defenders on her, with no clear shot at the goal. Realizing this, she played the ball back to Alyssa, seemingly leaving the choice up to her as to whether she was going to let Shelby find some space, or take the shot herself. 

Emma felt the anticipation in the air. She saw Alyssa make a decision to push forward and shoot.

She didn’t see the defender coming in to make a last-ditch tackle.

Alyssa, having been in full stride at the moment of interception, landed hard on an outstretched hand, rolling and coming up on her knees. Emma heard her cry out and was already on her feet before her brain fully registered what had just happened. She started towards the sideline, remembering at the last second that she wasn’t allowed to cross it, but she stood on the edge and watched in worry and anger as play stopped on the pitch.

She swallowed hard as she saw Alyssa cradle her arm to her chest, gritting her teeth in pain. The tackle had been reckless, and it had been a foul, and it had hurt Alyssa.

Everything within Emma was screaming at her to go to Alyssa, but she couldn’t. She’d have to wait and see if Alyssa came to her, off the pitch to receive treatment. Right now, she had Kaylee and Shelby crouched on either side of her, talking to her with concern written across their faces. Alyssa seemed okay; she was responsive, at least, and the pain seemed to only be in her arm or hand somewhere. No head injury. No broken leg. Emma forced herself to take deep breaths. Still, Alyssa was  _ hurt _ .

After what seemed like at eternity, the onsite paramedics escorted Alyssa off the field. Barry, who had been in conversation with one of the midfielders on the bench, sent her to warm up as he greeted Alyssa with worry in his eyes. Emma didn’t want to crowd her, but she couldn’t help but get close enough to hear the conversation.

“Looks like a sprained wrist,” one of the paramedics told Barry. “Nothing too serious, but we’re going to take a better look here and confirm that.”

Barry nodded, forehead still creased. Emma twisted her hands together, catching Alyssa’s eye under the arm of the other paramedic and feeling a lump rise in her throat. Alyssa was still gingerly holding her arm to her chest, but she smiled bravely as she met Emma’s eyes. Logically, Emma knew that it wasn’t anything disastrous for her. She also knew that the Westville player hadn’t meant to hurt her. But her blood still boiled in her veins.

Her attention was momentarily pulled away from Alyssa by a cheer in the crowd. Emma had completely forgotten that Alyssa being fouled in the box would mean a penalty kick for their team; a penalty kick which Shelby had just converted into another goal.

Emma felt like she couldn’t stand still as she waited impatiently for Alyssa to be seen to. She forced herself to sit down on the bench, leg bouncing as she watched the paramedics like a hawk. Eventually, though, they gave Alyssa a wrist brace and an ice pack and freed her.

After a quick word to Barry, Alyssa made her way over to Emma’s side, and smiled ruefully.

“Well, that sucked.”

Emma choked on something that was half-laugh, half-strangled whimper. “How… how bad is it?”

“Not too bad, considering what it could’ve been,” Alyssa reassured her. “Should be healed in a few weeks. I might even get to play again before then. And, hey, at least it’s not tennis or basketball I play.”

“I can’t believe that defender tried that tackle,” Emma muttered, clenching her fists. “She should’ve known better.”

“Accidents happen,” Alyssa said gently. She winced. “Some more painful than others.”

“I can’t believe you’re so calm about this.”

Alyssa shrugged one shoulder. “Someone has to be.”

“I was so scared,” Emma admitted. “When I saw how hard you went down.”

She looked into Alyssa’s eyes, which were soft and deep and full of understanding. Alyssa reached out with her good hand, covering Emma’s own hand with it and brushing her thumb over her skin.

“I’ll be okay, Emma. But… thank you for caring so much. It, um, it really does mean a lot.”

Emma took a deep breath. “Can I give you a ride home from the school? Since your mom can’t pick you up?”

“Yeah,” Alyssa breathed. “Yeah, that would be great.”

Emma nodded, trying her best to keep her varied emotions in check. She was so focused on Alyssa that she almost missed the final whistle, and with it, the confirmation that James Madison’s Wildcats had sailed through to Sectionals.

* * *

“You really are the definition of chivalry, aren’t you?”

Alyssa sounded amused as Emma carried her kit bag into the house for her. Emma scoffed, trying in vain to hide the blush that colored her cheeks.

“In the absolute least condescending way, I don’t want you to hurt yourself more,” she said. “Besides, I like feeling like I’m actually helping. I felt useless on the sidelines, just… watching.”

“It’s hard to watch a teammate get hurt,” Alyssa said.

Emma shrugged helplessly. “You’re more than a teammate to me, Lys.”

She tried to swallow down her panic as she gauged Alyssa’s reaction. Alyssa’s eyes were a little wide, like she hadn’t been expecting her to say that, but she smiled a little shyly back at her, which Emma took as a good sign.  _ You’re everything _ , she wanted to add, but she felt like she’d never have enough courage to say something like that to Alyssa.

“Uh, do you have a first aid kit here?” she asked instead.

Alyssa blinked rapidly. “Huh? Oh, yeah, we do actually. In the kitchen.”

The house was nice, and clean, and well-organized. Honestly, Emma had expected nothing less of the place Mrs. Greene called home. Not that she was home now, of course. 

Fighting down the heat that rushed to her face as she realized that she and Alyssa were truly alone for the first time since the locker room, Emma busied herself searching for the first aid kit in case it had another ice pack to switch out with the warming one Alyssa was currently using. She couldn’t think like that. Making sure Alyssa was comfortable and in minimal pain was the goal.

Once she’d gotten another ice pack, Emma made her way through to the living room, where Alyssa was currently sat on the couch and trying to untie the laces of her sneakers one-handed. Emma snorted with laughter.

“Should’ve known,” she said, and Alyssa’s head snapped up, caught. “Can I help?”

“Fine.” Alyssa gave her a knowing grin. “But only cause you like to feel like you’re helping.”

Emma shook her head fondly, crouching down in front of her and helping to slip the sneakers off her feet. She heard Alyssa sigh, and looked up to meet her eyes. Alyssa was watching her with a soft look on her face, and suddenly, Emma’s stomach felt like it was doing backflips.

“So…” Alyssa said, quirking her lips to the side almost like she was nervous. “About earlier…”

“Oh,” Emma whispered. She sat down next to Alyssa on the couch, leaving a respectful distance between them, just in case.

Alyssa took a deep breath, turning her body to face Emma. “I feel like I should, uh, explain what it was I was trying to say. I can tell how confused you’ve been, and I definitely know how confused  _ I’ve _ been, and, well… the thing about you, Emma, is that I want to tell you everything.”

“O-Okay,” Emma managed, swallowing hard. She didn’t know what to expect. She knew what she was hoping for; what she thought Alyssa  _ might _ say, but she didn’t know if she could let herself even believe in the possibility until it was spoken out loud.

“When I said, earlier, that recently I’d had to confront the fact that I’m, um, a lesbian,” Alyssa started, licking her lips nervously, “what I meant was that the reason I’d started to confront it was, well, you. We became friends, and it was like I had no filter over what I was saying. It made me panic, and what made me panic even more was that on some level I also knew why I was scaring myself.” Alyssa laughed weakly. “I believe they call it 'gay panic'. But I didn’t… I didn’t know how you felt, and I didn’t want to assume anything, so I tried to focus on just being there for you as a friend. Especially when all the stuff with Derek was happening. Emma, when I spilled that water on myself, I was genuinely just trying to prove a point as your _friend_. But when I was standing there, looking at you, I just couldn’t stop thinking about  _ kissing _ you, and it scared me. I think that was when I knew there wasn’t any going back for me.”

Emma took in a shaky breath. “You thought about kissing me?”

“I’ve thought about it a lot.” Alyssa’s voice was barely a whisper. “I’m really sorry if that makes you feel weird, Em, but I can’t not tell you this anymore. That’s why I didn’t talk to you that week, aside from being so embarrassed I could barely look at you. I knew I would just spill everything to you, and I wasn’t ready for your answer, whatever it would’ve been. I’m so sorry that I avoided you. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Alyssa, it’s okay,” Emma said, unable to break her gaze away from her eyes. “It’s okay.”

“I like you, Emma,” Alyssa said, all in a rush, eyes wide and sincere. “I mean, I have  _ feelings _ for you, and I just… I just want you to know that. You deserve to know that.”

Emma opened her mouth, and then closed it again. Alyssa was looking at her, apprehension clear on her face, and Emma wanted to say something, but it was like her brain had ceased all function as soon as Alyssa had told her that she had feelings for her.

Alyssa had feelings for her.

“Please say something. Anything.” Alyssa’s voice shook, and that was what it took for Emma to kickstart her brain into some kind of action once more.

“I’ve had a crush on you for over a year,” she blurted out.

_ Nice job, brain _ , she thought.

“You…” Alyssa blinked at her.

And Emma’s brain had apparently decided to take it one step further, because she found herself saying, “Trying to impress you was half the reason I tried out for the team in the first place. I… just wanted to get to know you. I’m sorry if that’s weird.”

Alyssa just shook her head, looking a little dazed. “It’s not,” she murmured, taking a deep breath. “It’s not.”

She reached out with her uninjured hand, curling her fingers around the white away jersey Emma was still wearing and tugging her closer. Emma barely had time to process the several beats her heart skipped at the action before Alyssa kissed her. After that, it didn’t matter, because Emma felt like she ceased to exist upon the first press of her lips.

Alyssa kissed her gentle and slow, melting away Emma’s doubts and fears. Emma’s hand found purchase on Alyssa’s knee, the bare skin warm under her palm. Emma lost herself in the kiss, tilting her head to the side and kissing Alyssa back with every ounce of emotion she had, in utter disbelief that this was actually happening and she somehow wasn’t caught in an extremely vivid dream.

Emma pulled back slightly only to kiss her again, trying to commit the feel and taste of Alyssa’s lips to memory just in case this never happened again. They were soft and warm and _perfect_. Her heart felt like a hummingbird’s; rapid and thrumming in her chest, and she briefly wondered if she was going to pass out. She was kissing Alyssa. Holy shit.

Emma reluctantly pulled back, pinching herself wordlessly with her free hand. Alyssa saw her, evidently, because she bit her lip to stifle a giggle. Emma’s eyes followed the movement and her breathing got a little shallower. Alyssa’s hand was still gripping her jersey, keeping her close. For a long moment, neither of them said a word.

Eventually, Alyssa broke the silence, echoing Emma’s thoughts from just moments ago.

“Holy shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> pls feel free to leave a comment/tumblr message/otherwise yell at me i promise i live for it


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry its been... A While but to be fair the world has kind of gone to shit skjdskd
> 
> finally felt like i could get back to this fic a few days ago and here we are with a new chapter. enjoy!

Emma swallowed. “Was that… are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Alyssa breathed. “More than okay, I just… wow.”

Her eyes were fixed on Emma’s lips, and if Emma’s heart rate had begun to slow down after their kiss, it sped right back up again almost immediately. Alyssa’s breathing echoed loudly in her ears.

“Can I kiss you again?” Alyssa’s voice was quiet and soft.

Instead of answering verbally, Emma cupped Alyssa’s cheek with the hand not on her knee and kissed her. Her eyes fluttered shut as she felt Alyssa’s lips press gently against her own, and she sighed in contentment. The seconds they’d been parted had seemed far too long.

Emma drew back with her eyes still closed, resting her forehead against Alyssa’s and brushing her thumb over the soft skin of her cheek. Alyssa hummed quietly, the fingers of her uninjured hand still curled around the fabric of Emma’s jersey.

“I still kinda think I’m dreaming,” Emma murmured. “I never thought I’d get to…”

“I never thought I’d be brave enough to.” Alyssa slowly released Emma’s shirt, smoothing down the wrinkled fabric and making Emma’s heart go into overdrive.

Emma opened her eyes, pulling back far enough to meet Alyssa’s gaze and smiling giddily at the wonder in her expression. Despite her racing pulse, she could feel a strange calmness washing over her, like now that she knew her feelings weren’t unrequited her brain had finally taken a break from overthinking. She knew that, of course, she’d be back to overanalyzing in no time, but for now she enjoyed the relative internal peace.

The quiet moment was broken when Alyssa’s stomach rumbled. They both dissolved into laughter at the same time, Emma finally letting her hand drop from Alyssa’s face, and Alyssa’s dropping into her own lap.

“Hungry?” Emma asked. Alyssa nodded sheepishly.

“I was too nervous to eat much before the match.” She glanced down at her injured wrist and frowned. “Not entirely sure how I’m gonna be able to…”

“I can help,” Emma offered, shrugging and trying to hide the faint blush on her cheeks. “I mean, if you want me to stay, I’d be happy to make you some food. I promise not to burn your house down on accident.”

Alyssa grinned at her. “Yeah. I’d, uh, I’d like that.”

“Cool.” Emma cleared her throat, reluctantly standing up from the couch. “Just, um, point me in the direction of your… food. Wait, what do you want me to make?”

Alyssa stood up too, giggling softly, and took a shy step towards her. Emma sucked in a quiet breath. Alyssa tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, eyes roaming around her face, and Emma suddenly felt even more vulnerable than she had confessing her feelings to Alyssa. Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth; she didn’t think she’d be capable of words even if there were any in her head.

“I think we should have pancakes to celebrate the game,” Alyssa said. “We made it through to Sectionals, after all.”

Emma nodded dumbly. “Uh-huh. Pancakes. Sounds great. Please tell me you have batter mix.”

“I actually do,” Alyssa said. “I hide it in my room so my mother doesn’t see it. I… maybe eat pancakes when she’s not home to tell me off for it.”

“Right,” Emma managed. “So I… I’ll go set up in the kitchen and you, uh, get the mix?”

“Sounds like a plan, Nolan,” Alyssa said. She rocked forward and brushed her lips against Emma’s cheek in a feather light kiss, making her breath hitch in her throat. “Frying pan’s in the cabinet nearest the stove.”

Emma watched her go; Alyssa paused on the stairs and looked back at her, biting back a timid smile, and Emma couldn’t help but smile helplessly back at her. Alyssa _liked_ her.

Silently, Emma pinched herself again.

* * *

“Careful, careful, careful,” Alyssa laughed, as Emma - tongue sticking out between her teeth in concentration - gripped the handle of the frying pan with both hands. “Let’s try and keep this one off the floor.”

“This batter has a mind of its own,” Emma protested. “You bought defective pancake mix, Greene.”

“You just need practise,” Alyssa said. “Like you did with soccer.”

Emma jumped when she felt Alyssa’s hand on the small of her back, and the pancake leapt into the air. To her surprise, she managed to catch it again in the pan. She turned to see Alyssa looking at her innocently.

“Practise, huh?”

Alyssa’s cheeks were tinged red. “Maybe we could make pancakes again sometime.”

Emma felt like she was going to melt under Alyssa’s searching gaze. She nodded, biting her lip to try and stop her grin from actually splitting her face and wondering if pancakes would always have a double meaning for her now. “I’d love to.”

Whatever Alyssa was about to say next was cut off by the sound of the front door opening. Emma saw Alyssa’s eyes widen, and then she was six feet away from Emma and the stove just in time, before Mrs. Greene walked in. Emma froze. So did Alyssa. So did Mrs. Greene.

“Mom,” Alyssa managed. “You’re home early.”

Mrs. Greene ignored that, eyes fixed on Emma. “Who’s this?”

Emma quickly turned the stove off and put the frying pan down. “I’m, uh, Emma Nolan, ma’am,” she said, wiping her hand on her shorts before offering it to Alyssa’s mother, who didn’t accept Emma’s handshake.

“Emma’s on the soccer team with me,” Alyssa said quickly. “She was just helping me with a snack because of my wrist.”

“Your…” Mrs. Greene rushed forward, gasping once she saw the brace on Alyssa’s wrist. “Alyssa, what happened?”

“A bad tackle in the penalty box,” Alyssa said. “But I’m okay, mom. It’s just a little sprain and nothing else hurts. I’m okay. I’m _okay_.”

Mrs. Greene fussed over an embarrassed-looking Alyssa while Emma shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. Reality had come crashing down around her as soon as Mrs. Greene had walked in that front door, and now she had no idea what to do.

“Pancakes, Alyssa? Really?” Mrs. Greene frowned. “What kind of nutritional value could that possibly give you? Here, I’ll make you something healthier.”

Alyssa’s lips quirked downward. “Okay.”

“Thank you for your help, Emma,” Mrs. Greene said, turning to her. Emma would’ve thought she meant it, if it hadn’t been for the barely-concealed sneer. “I’m sure you’re expected back home by now.”

“Right,” Emma mumbled. She stole a glance at Alyssa, who was shooting her a worried look. “Yeah. I should… I should get back.”

“Thanks, Emma,” Alyssa said, eyes darting quickly towards her mother. “For… everything.”

Emma nodded. “I’ll see you on Monday?”

“Definitely,” Alyssa said.

Stealing one last look before turning around and picking up her kit bag, Emma swallowed down the surge of panic that Alyssa’s mom walking in when they’d least expected had caused. She prayed that this wouldn’t be a repeat of when Betsy had walked in, although pancakes was objectively a lot less incriminating than… yeah.

She didn’t know what would happen between her and Alyssa - what _could_ happen between her and Alyssa - with Mrs. Greene breathing down their necks. Clearly, Alyssa’s mother didn’t like Emma, so she wasn’t exactly off to the best start as far as impressions went.

Emma climbed into her truck and sighed, folding forward until her forehead knocked against the steering wheel. She wished she could go back to the hazy bliss of kissing Alyssa, when everything had been simple for a little while, and all she could think about was the feeling of Alyssa’s lips against her own. She hoped it wouldn’t be the last time she felt that.

Betsy’s ears perked up as soon as Emma walked through the front door.

“You’re back later than usual.”

Emma shrugged, trying not to let the heat creep into her cheeks. “I was helping Alyssa with logistical stuff until her mom got back.”

“That’s sweet of you,” Betsy said, wandering over and planting a kiss on Emma’s temple. “How is Alyssa? It looked like a hard fall.”

“She’s mostly okay, but her left wrist is sprained,” Emma said. She shook her head. “I still want to have words with the defender who tried that tackle and hurt her.”

Betsy gave her a sympathetic smile. “Sometimes people make mistakes.”

“I guess,” Emma grumbled. “But she _hurt_ Alyssa.”

“I know, sweetheart,” Betsy said. “But the important thing is that she’s going to be just fine.”

“She’d be even better if her mom let her eat pancakes,” Emma muttered darkly, a spark of anger going through her as she thought back to how Mrs. Greene had reacted to what they’d been cooking.

Betsy gave her an odd look, but smiled nonetheless. “Well maybe you should invite her over for dinner after soccer on Monday,” she suggested. “We can have pancakes for dessert and her mother needn’t know that I’ve been feeding you kids unhealthy food.”

Emma brightened. “Can we order pizza?”

“Don’t push your luck,” Betsy scolded playfully. “No, I’m going to cook. But we can make pizzas if you want?”

“Yeah,” Emma said slowly, a smile spreading across her face. “Yeah, I’ll ask Alyssa.”

* * *

That night, sitting against the headboard of her bed, Emma chewed on her bottom lip as she debated how to word her text. Until Mrs. Greene had walked in, everything had been okay. Now, Emma didn’t know where she stood with Alyssa; sure, they liked each other, but Emma didn’t know whether anything could realistically happen between them, given their… situation. Emma already got bullied for being a lesbian. She didn’t want Alyssa to go through the same thing at school even in the unlikely event that Mrs. Greene would be cool with it.

She definitely didn’t want to get into all that over text.

 **Emma (9:41pm):** _if you still want pancakes, my gran invited you over for dinner on monday_

She tapped her fingers against the case of her phone, swapping between the same three apps while she waited nervously for Alyssa’s reply.

 **Alyssa (9:50pm):** _Is this for actual pancakes, or “pancakes”?_

Emma blushed hard, choking on her own breath. Clearly, she hadn’t been the only one toying with a double meaning. She had no idea how to reply to that, but before she could, another message came through from Alyssa.

 **Alyssa (9:51pm):** _My answer is yes either way_

Emma flung her phone across the room before she could stop herself. When she’d finally composed herself enough to go and retrieve it, she saw that she had even more texts waiting for her.

 **Alyssa (9:53pm):** _Emma?_

 **Alyssa (9:55pm):** _I’m sorry if that was too much_

Emma hurriedly typed out a response.

 **Emma (9:56pm):** _it wasnt! i was just out brushing my teeth_

 **Alyssa (9:57pm):** _For 5 minutes? Was I that bad at kissing?_

Emma blushed again, her fingers shaking as she attempted to reply without spontaneously combusting.

 **Emma (9:59pm):** _no definitely not… i really really liked kissing you_

 **Alyssa (10:01pm):** _And I really really liked kissing you. I’m sorry my mom ruined things. I got scared_

 **Emma (10:02pm):** _don’t be sorry! i get it, believe me_

Alyssa was silent for so long that Emma checked the connection on her phone. Nerves fluttered in the pit of her stomach, wondering if this was Alyssa’s way of saying she couldn’t have anything more to do with her.

Then, her phone vibrated with a message.

 **Alyssa (10:08pm):** _Can we talk on Monday? About our kiss? I really like you, Emma Nolan, and I want to talk about everything right, in person._

Emma was still nervous, but Alyssa’s text made her feel a little better. At least Alyssa wasn’t trying to forget it and pretend it never happened. At least she wasn’t shutting her out again.

 **Emma (10:09pm):** _of course we can. and i promise i won’t say a word to anyone about it <3 _

**Alyssa (10:10pm):** _I don’t deserve you_

Emma swallowed. She must be tired, because otherwise it would surely be pathetic that a simple text was making tears form in her eyes.

 **Emma (10:12pm):** _funny, ive been thinking the same thing about you for months_

* * *

Emma watched, a small crease between her brows, as Alyssa stomped away from Barry and over to join her, Kaylee and Shelby where they were stretching before practise started. She didn’t look pleased.

“Uh oh,” Shelby said. “That looks like the face of someone who just got benched against their will.”

“I officially can’t play at Sectionals,” Alyssa said miserably, “or take part at all this week. Barry said he’d re-evaluate this time next week if we go through to Regionals.”

Kaylee shrugged hesitantly. “That sounds pretty sensible.”

“Yeah, Barry just doesn’t want you to get hurt again,” Emma said. Alyssa turned her head to glare at Emma.

“I’m fine!” she insisted. “It doesn’t even hurt!”

Resisting the urge to backpedal with Alyssa’s steely gaze on her, Emma tried again. “Even _you_ need longer than two days to heal a sprain, Lys.”

“I resent that,” Alyssa said, but her eyes softened. She shrugged helplessly. “I just want to play.”

“I know,” Emma said gently. “But you’ll be back on that pitch in no time.”

“Well, as long as we don’t lose at Sectionals,” Shelby pointed out. Kaylee smacked her on the arm.

“Well, we _won’t_ lose with our fearless leader and captain in charge, will we?” 

Shelby’s expression twitched minutely. “Sure, Kay.”

“Alyssa, I know it sucks,” Kaylee said sympathetically. “But it’s for the best. All Barry wants is to make sure you’re safe. That’s all we want, too.”

Alyssa sighed. “I know. It’s just going to be difficult feeling so helpless.”

“If it helps, I’m an expert at watching matches from the bench,” Emma said, nudging Alyssa’s shoulder with her own. “I can give you pointers.”

“You’re an idiot, Em,” Alyssa said softly, wrapping her good arm around Emma’s waist and squeezing briefly. Butterflies kicked off in Emma’s stomach, and she fought to keep her blush down, biting her lip and looking at her feet.

“Yeah, well…” she muttered quietly, shrugging a shoulder. “I’m your idiot.”

She looked up to see Shelby watching her with an eyebrow raised. She suddenly remembered Shelby walking in on her and Alyssa’s almost kiss just two days ago. It seemed like so much longer ago than Saturday, and she started to wonder just what Alyssa had said to Shelby after she’d left the locker room.

Emma glanced to the side, where Alyssa was smiling a little shyly at her. Kaylee, on the other hand, was craning her head to look at Barry, seemingly oblivious.

“I think we’re starting some drills,” she said. “Time to go.”

“I’ll hold your water bottles,” Alyssa said, a slightly strained smile on her face even as she joked with them. “Knock ‘em dead.”

Emma jogged away with Kaylee and Shelby, glancing over her shoulder at Alyssa one last time.

“She’ll be okay,” Shelby said. “Alyssa just likes to _do_ things. Sitting out doesn’t agree with her.”

“We should cheer her up,” Kaylee suggested. “Have like, a movie night, or a sleepover, or something like that.”

“You’re a genius, Kaylee Klein,” Shelby said. “What do you say, Nolan? This Saturday night, after Sectionals?”

Emma furrowed her brow. “Don’t we have two matches this weekend?”

“Yeah, one’s on Friday night under the floodlights and one’s on Saturday afternoon,” Shelby said. “But Sectionals are in South Bend so we can come home overnight.”

“Yeah, I probably should’ve asked about this sooner, that’s on me,” Emma groaned, coming to a stop as they reached the rest of the team. “But, yeah, I’m in for Saturday night.”

“Awesome,” Shelby said. “And, hey, if we lose this weekend, then it’ll be a cheering up for all of us.”

* * *

“Alyssa, it’s so nice to see you again,” Betsy said, pulling her into a hug as soon as Emma brought her through to the living room. “How are you, dear?”

“I-I’m okay,” Alyssa said, shooting Emma a wide-eyed look while Emma tried not to laugh. Clearly, Alyssa hadn’t been expecting this warm of a welcome after the last time she’d interacted with Betsy.

“I’m glad to hear it,” Betsy said, pulling back from the hug. “What do you say to pizza for dinner?”

Alyssa’s eyes lit up. “Pizza?”

“Pizza,” Betsy confirmed. “Greg’s coming over too, in a little while, but I’m sure you two can amuse yourselves until then.”

Emma cleared her throat. “Greg’s coming?”

“Yes.” Betsy turned to look at her, something Emma didn’t quite trust behind her eyes. “Problem?”

“Nope,” Emma said quickly, thinking about how Greg would immediately be able to tell that something had changed between her and Alyssa. “No problem.”

“Hm,” Betsy said, smirking just a little. “If you say so.”

Alyssa met Emma’s eyes apprehensively. “Emma, did you want to have that talk now? About… that project.”

“Yeah,” Emma said, eyes darting to her gran for a split second. “Yes. Good idea.”

Betsy’s lips twitched. “Try and keep the spillages to a minimum this time, okay?”

“Okay,” Alyssa squeaked, blushing deeply and scurrying away towards the stairs. Emma sent a weak glare at her grinning grandmother before following Alyssa upstairs to her room.

“I’m sorry about her,” she groaned, closing the door gently behind her. “She’s only teasing; she doesn’t know anything.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Alyssa said with a nervous laugh. “I felt like she saw right through us.”

“That’s just how she is,” Emma said. “Old and perceptive, but she won’t push if she knows we don’t want to talk about it, I promise.”

Alyssa’s shoulders relaxed a little. “Okay. Good to know.”

“So,” Emma started, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. “Saturday was…”

“Yeah,” Alyssa sighed, a tiny smile on her face as she fidgeted with her hands. “I stand by everything I said, for the record. I-I really like you, and the kissing was… wow.”

Emma swallowed, wondering when the other shoe was going to drop. “I never thought you’d like me back,” she confessed. “It didn't really cross my mind as a serious possibility, because I’m me and you’re you and, well, I still kind of can’t believe it. I guess I just wanted to let you know that if you can’t… if you don’t want to… that this is so much more than I ever dreamed of.” Emma looked down at her feet. “Even if I never get to kiss you again…”

“Em, what are you saying?” Alyssa sounded confused; she took a step closer, until she was close enough for Emma to have trouble breathing evenly.

“You’ve seen what school’s like for me,” Emma whispered. “What life’s been like for me. My parents kicked me out when they found out I’m gay. And, sure, the team’s been great, but they’re in the minority. I don’t want you to have to go through that, too. And… and being with me, being _anything_ with me, won’t be fun for you.”

Alyssa swallowed heavily, tears gathering in her eyes. “I know. And I can’t… I can’t come out. Not yet. I just, my mom…”

“It’s okay.”

“But I just want _you_ ,” Alyssa said. “Emma, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life, and I _want_ to be able to come out and just be with you, but I don’t know how.”

“I want to be with you, too,” Emma whispered. Her hands itched to hold Alyssa, but she forced them to stay by her sides. “God, Alyssa, you have no idea how much I want that.”

“Really?” Alyssa sniffed once. “Kinda sounded like you were trying to let me down easy for a moment there.”

“I just didn’t want to put any pressure on you,” Emma said. “Or… get my hopes up.”

“Em…” Alyssa blinked rapidly, stepping closer still and cupping Emma’s face with her good hand. Emma’s eyes fluttered closed at the contact. “I know it’s not ideal, and you’re well within your rights to refuse, but… I don’t want to let me being scared keep me from what I think could be the best thing in my life.”

Emma opened her eyes again. “W-What? Refuse what?”

“We could keep us a secret?” Alyssa suggested, barely audible. “We could be together, in private, where nobody can judge.” She took a deep breath, meeting Emma’s gaze apprehensively. “And this… this is probably the most scared I’ve ever been asking somebody a question, but… Emma Nolan, will you be mine? Even if nobody else could know?”

Emma sucked in a ragged breath, her mind reeling. Somehow, she managed to give voice to the only thought that was in her head.

“I’ve always been yours.”

Tears started rolling down Alyssa’s cheeks. She looked like she hardly dared to hope. “Does that mean…”

“Yes,” Emma choked out, her hands giving in and finding the curve of Alyssa’s waist. “I just want you, Lys, in whatever way you’ll have me. I don’t care if we have to keep it between us. I just can’t believe you actually want me.”

“Well, believe it,” Alyssa said, her voice firmer than it had been throughout their conversation. “I have feelings for you, a-and I think you’re the best person I’ve ever met, and you’re just… you’re just so _beautiful_ , Emma.”

Blushing furiously, and not knowing how to deal with the way Alyssa’s words hit her in the deepest part of her soul, Emma did the only thing she could think about doing, and kissed her. Alyssa melted against her, the hand on her cheek sliding up into her hair as she kissed Emma back.

Emma wrapped her arms around Alyssa’s waist, pulling her closer, kissing her again and again with her heart thudding almost painfully against her ribcage. She felt Alyssa’s left arm come up to rest gently across her shoulder as they kissed, and all she could think about was that she already knew that she would never, ever get tired of kissing Alyssa Greene.

“I’m yours, too, you know,” Alyssa whispered between kisses. Emma gasped quietly, feeling like she was soaring, like Alyssa was the thing keeping her distantly tethered to the ground so that she didn’t float away forever.

She captured Alyssa’s bottom lip between her own, shivering when she heard a little whimper come from the back of Alyssa’s throat, and kissed her with increasing enthusiasm. This was the most alive she’d ever felt, bar nothing, and all she wanted was to do exactly this for eternity.

Unfortunately, she also needed oxygen.

Emma reluctantly broke the kiss, swallowing hard when she felt Alyssa’s puffs of air against her lips, and trying in vain to kickstart her brain into action. Alyssa laughed breathlessly.

“Doing that is all I’ve been able to think about for… a while,” she murmured, “but especially for the past two days.”

Emma brushed their noses together, biting down hard on her own bottom lip. “Yeah?”

“Uh-huh,” Alyssa said, pulling back just far enough to meet Emma’s eyes. “You’re just…”

“So are you.”

Alyssa’s eyes dipped down to Emma’s lips. “I feel like kissing has the potential to be a very dangerous distraction.”

“God, I hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love you guys and we'll get through it. in the meantime be gay do crime read fic. <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at 4.5k this is a slightly longer chapter as far as this fic goes but whoops!

“So you’re telling me  _ nothing _ is going on with you and Alyssa?” Greg asked, following Emma around the house after dinner like a lost puppy.

“Correct.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Why not?”

“You couldn’t stop staring at her all throughout dinner,” Greg said.

“Well, you know I have feelings for her.” Emma shrugged, making sure to keep her back to Greg just in case he caught sight of her dopey expression and saw right through the pretense.

Greg scoffed. “Yeah, duh. But, I don’t know, it felt like the way you were looking at her has changed since the last time I saw you two hang out.”

“Creepy.”

“You know what I mean,” Greg huffed, frustrated as Emma began to climb the stairs. “And don’t even get me started on the way Alyssa blushed when gran so much as mentioned pancakes. What the hell was that?”

“Your overactive imagination?” Emma fought to keep her voice neutral. “Seriously, Greg, nothing’s actually happened, as much as I wish I could tell you different.”

“When are you gonna see that she likes you back, Emma?” Greg sighed, blocking her when she went to close her bedroom door in his face. “Honestly, you are the  _ definition _ of a useless lesbian sometimes.”

“Goodnight, Greg.”

Emma finally managed to get the door closed, and not a moment too soon, because she couldn’t hold back her helpless smile at the thought of her secret maybe-girlfriend for a moment longer. Her eyes drifted closed as she thought back to the last time she was in this room just a couple of hours ago, with Alyssa kissing her like she never wanted to stop.

How the hell did she get this lucky?

Ever since Emma had first started crushing on her, so much as thinking about Alyssa had been enough to make her stomach flip. She almost couldn’t believe that the past two months had happened. She could still feel the ghost of Alyssa’s lips against her own, and it made her shiver involuntarily.

Emma got the feeling that Alyssa had been completely right when she’d said that kissing had the potential to be a dangerous distraction.

* * *

For all of Greg’s cluelessness even through his suspicion, Emma got the distinct feeling that Shelby knew exactly what was going on between her and Alyssa. She never said anything; never pressed them, but Emma couldn’t help but feel like she could see right through them. She had seen their almost kiss in the locker room, after all, and she was far from an idiot. Kaylee was an unknown quantity, but she hadn’t asked any difficult questions, so Emma was quite happy to leave it be.

Right now, all her attention was focused on keeping Alyssa’s spirits up as they sat next to each other on the edge of the bench at Sectionals.

Barry had let Alyssa dress in her kit, even though - injured as she was - he wasn’t going to play her, but it was clear that the week of inactivity had been hard for her. She wasn’t used to not contributing to the team, and it was her last year in school, and now that they were in the knockout stages of the season it wasn’t known which match would be their last. Emma felt for her.

“Hey,” she said softly, nudging Alyssa’s right side gently and pulling her attention away from the game, which was scoreless at twenty minutes. There was nobody right next to them, and all the other benched players were still completely focused on the match.

Alyssa looked over to her, a little smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “Hi.”

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“I don’t know.” Alyssa’s eyes dipped down to her lips for a split-second. “I’ve got a lot of them. I’d feel like I was underpaying you.”

“I wouldn’t mind,” Emma murmured. “I’d hear hours of your thoughts for free.”

Alyssa’s eyes softened. She shifted her hand slightly so that her pinky finger hooked over Emma’s on the bench between them; unnoticeable to anyone not watching them like a hawk. And, for once thankfully, Mrs. Greene had once again not turned up to the match.

“You’re sweet,” Alyssa whispered. Emma blushed under her gaze.

She still wasn’t used to Alyssa saying things like that, or the gentle touches, or anything like that. Truth be told, it had been difficult to find time alone to be themselves during the week. Alyssa couldn’t make up excuses to hang out every day after soccer, and they always sat with Kaylee and Shelby at lunch, so most of their true relationship had been through texts or whispered phone calls so far. They hadn’t even had the chance to kiss since that time in Emma’s room on Monday.

As if she was able to read her mind, Alyssa nudged Emma back and said, “I told my mom that one of the girls was giving me a ride home tonight.”

“Oh,” Emma breathed, elated at the thought of having even a small amount of time alone with Alyssa.

“I really missed you this week,” Alyssa admitted in a small voice. “I know we’ve been hanging out pretty much the same amount as before, but…”

“But things are different now,” Emma finished. “I feel the same.”

“I’m sorry that we don’t get to be us a lot.”

“Hey, don’t apologize,” Emma said quickly. “The situation’s not our fault. Besides, I’ve only met your mom properly one time, and I don’t think she approves of me as a person, let alone as your…”

“Girlfriend?” There was a hint of a shy smile on Alyssa’s face, and Emma let out a stuttered breath.

“Y-Yeah. Your girlfriend.” She swallowed. “Wow.”

There was a roar from the crowd, and Emma looked up just in time to see Hayden score off of one of Kaylee’s crosses to put them one goal up on their opposition. She was immediately engulfed in hugs from their teammates. Emma breathed a sigh of relief. There was still a long way to go in the game, but it was always nice to score first and throw down the gauntlet.

With the team’s attention off the game for a moment as they celebrated, Emma slid a couple of inches away from Alyssa. She brushed Alyssa’s pinky finger with her own one last time before pulling back, trying in vain to ignore the tug in her heart, and settled in to watch the rest of the first half.

* * *

“Can you pull over for a minute?” 

Emma frowned in concern, pulling over on the side of a quiet, deserted road nonetheless. She didn’t want to bring Alyssa back too late. “Are you okay? Is it your wrist? Shit, did my driving make you carsick?”

As soon as she put the truck in park, Alyssa unbuckled her seatbelt, slid across the bench seat until she was pressed against her side, and captured her lips in a breathtaking kiss. Her hand gripped the back of Emma’s neck almost desperately, and Emma couldn’t help but grab onto Alyssa’s waist, turning to face her as much as her still-buckled seatbelt would allow.

Alyssa’s lips were insistent. Emma’s heart pounded quick and loud in her chest as she kissed her back with everything she had, making up for days’ worth of not being able to do just this. Her body was twisted at an uncomfortable angle, but she couldn’t care less, because she was finally getting to kiss her girlfriend.

Feeling suddenly bold, she brushed over Alyssa’s bottom lip with her tongue, her tummy fluttering at the sound of Alyssa’s little whimper. Alyssa parted her lips, letting Emma’s tongue dip into her mouth, and slid her hand up to fist in Emma’s hair. Emma could feel her cheeks burning, a little overwhelmed at the intensity, but then again, she didn’t know how long it would be until they’d be able to kiss again. She knew they were both going to take as much advantage of this short moment as they could.

It was Alyssa who broke the kiss first, panting harshly against Emma’s lips and making her shiver. She stayed close in the dark, nudging Emma’s nose with her own, and gently released her grip on her. She swallowed.

“I don’t think I could’ve gone another day without kissing you,” she said breathlessly.

Emma nodded dumbly. “Me either.”

She closed her eyes and pressed a gentler kiss to Alyssa’s lips before sighing and letting her go.

“I should probably get you back before your mother starts to worry.”

Alyssa groaned, but moved back to the passenger side all the same. “I’ll think of a way for us to spend more time together,” she promised.

“I will, too,” Emma said. “Just because we’re keeping it a secret, doesn’t mean we can’t find a way.”

She took the car out of park as Alyssa buckled her seatbelt again, checking her mirrors and pulling back out onto the road. She wanted to reach for Alyssa’s hand with the one not on the wheel, but it was her left one, and she didn’t want to risk hurting her. But, as if she was able to read Emma’s mind, Alyssa reached across her body with her right hand and clumsily grabbed Emma’s free hand with it.

Emma bit down on her bottom lip, not even remotely able to hide the adoring smile the action put on her face, and glanced at Alyssa when they passed under the next street light, seeing her girlfriend wearing the same expression.

“So, we still have about five minutes before we get to your place,” Emma said, clearing her throat a little nervously. “Is that enough time to discuss how the hell we’re going to survive the sleepover tomorrow night?”

She heard Alyssa’s head thud against the window. “Oh, we are so screwed.”

* * *

The Wildcats were down 2-1 at half time of the second Sectionals match as Emma watched from the bench once more, and tensions were running high, especially after Shelby had missed an easy tap-in just before the whistle had blown. She stormed off, away from the team, and Emma exchanged worried looks with Alyssa and Kaylee.

Barry sighed. “Can you three go talk to her? I know her well enough to realize she’s not going to come to me with her worries, and I think she needs friends rather than a coach, or even teammates.”

“On it,” Kaylee said immediately, turning and jogging off after her.

Emma tried to give Barry a reassuring smile. “We’ll get her back.”

“Godspeed.”

Emma and Alyssa followed at a slightly slower pace, rounding the corner behind the stands to see Shelby, shoulders shaking, wrapped up in Kaylee’s arms. Emma couldn’t make out what Kaylee was saying to her, but Shelby burrowed further into the hug in response. 

“Hey,” Alyssa said cautiously, as she and Emma drew to a halt beside them. “There’s still time.”

“We should be at least level by now,” Shelby cried, her voice muffled in Kaylee’s shoulder. “If I was better, we’d be level.”

“We all miss sometimes,” Kaylee said soothingly. “Please don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“I always seem to miss when it matters most.” Shelby’s voice was miserable. “Like last year’s Semis.”

Emma remembered the Wildcats’ final game last year; Shelby missing her shot in the penalty shootout. She had a sudden sinking feeling that Shelby had been holding onto that for almost a year.

“I’m supposed to be Captain,” Shelby continued shakily. “I’m not meant to fuck up like that.”

And, suddenly, Shelby’s off reactions to anyone mentioning her Captaincy made perfect sense to Emma.

“Being the leader doesn’t mean you have to be for perfect,” she told Shelby gently. “You are an incredible Captain, Shelby, because you bring the team together. You’re an amazing player, sure, but Barry saw your leadership first. He doesn’t expect you to be a machine. None of us do.”

“Emma’s right,” Alyssa said. “Missing a shot, especially in a high-pressure situation, sucks, but it happens to all of us. You’re not expected to be exempt from that.”

“I just… I don’t want to let anyone down again,” Shelby said, finally pulling back from Kaylee slightly and wiping at her eyes. “I don’t want to be the reason our season is over two years in a row.”

Alyssa stepped forward. “Shelby. Our loss last year is not just on you. It was on us, as a collective. And if we do lose today, it will be as a team.”

“And there’s a whole second half to play today,” Emma pointed out. “And, hey, if you guys can teach  _ me  _ how to be not bad at soccer, then  _ anything’s _ possible.”

“Even the things you thought would never be able to happen,” Alyssa added on. Emma met her eyes for a split-second and smiled.

“So let’s dry your tears and get out on the pitch,” Kaylee said gently, wincing a second later. “Except for Alyssa.”

Alyssa shoved her. “You just wait.”

Shelby managed a small laugh, taking a deep breath and letting her shoulders relax. “Okay.”

Emma knew that one conversation wouldn’t be enough to fix all of Shelby’s fears, and she was unlikely to want to talk about it at the sleepover later, but at least it seemed like a crisis had been averted for now.

Which was just as well, because the first ten minutes of the second half provided a whole different kind of crisis, in the form of a leg injury to Natalie.

It happened in slow motion to Emma, and she still couldn’t understand it. Natalie hadn’t even been tackled badly, but she had landed on one of her feet awkwardly while defending the ball, and her ankle had - for a moment - been at an angle that really shouldn’t be possible. Her sharp cry of pain had felt like it had pierced Emma’s eardrums. 

Next to her on the bench, Alyssa’s hand shot out and grabbed her arm as they watched the medics hurry to her. Emma’s stomach churned uncomfortably as she watched Natalie’s face contort in pain. Barry looked more anxious than she’d ever seen him.

The next part all happened very quickly as Emma sat numbly on the bench. Natalie would need medical treatment, and would be out for the rest of the season, and, just like that, they had lost their starting right back. Emma didn’t even realize what that would mean until she felt Barry’s hand on her shoulder, and looked up to meet his solemn expression.

“I think you’d better start warming up, kid,” he said.

“Oh, shit,” Emma mumbled.

Alyssa squeezed her knee reassuringly - or, as reassuringly as she probably could while being worried about Natalie’s wellbeing - and said, “Go kick ass, Nolan.”

In a trance, Emma did a quick second warm up, took off her tabard, and stepped onto the pitch. She shook her head slightly; tried to focus on the task at hand. They were still a goal behind their opposition, and if they lost this match, then their season would be done.

Emma may have been inexperienced compared to everyone else on the team, but she was coming into a fast-paced game on fresh legs, which gave her an advantage. She threw herself into defending, managing to slip back into the team configuration relatively seamlessly, linking play with the centerbacks and the midfield, tackling oncoming strikers the best she could, or at least giving them the runaround.

Carrie was an excellent goalkeeper, and very determined, and came up big on a save or two. Still, it didn’t stop Emma’s heart from seizing in her chest whenever a player got past her or made an attempt on goal.

Emma redoubled her efforts, sending the ball forwards and across the pitch with admittedly increasing accuracy, where it was picked up by Gwen, the left winger. The opposition wasn’t as prepared for an attack up the left side, and Gwen took advantage immediately, taking off running and slipping the ball to Kaylee when the time was right.

Kaylee nutmegged a defender, pulled the ball back and around another one, and rocketed the ball so hard into the back of the net that even the keeper getting the tips of her gloved hands to it did absolutely nothing.

And just like that, the game turned around.

The cherry on top came in the stoppage time that had been added due to Natalie’s injury, where Kaylee set Shelby up for a game-clinching goal. More relieved than anything that she didn’t have to play another thirty minutes of extra time, Emma immediately fell to her knees when the final whistle blew. She was drenched in sweat, and she’d only played about forty minutes. She had no idea how she was supposed to take over Natalie’s starting spot, if that was what Barry had planned.

Shelby slung her arm around Emma’s shoulders as she exited the pitch, looking a hell of a lot lighter than she had at half time.

“We’re going to Regionals!” she exclaimed.

“Thanks to you!”

Shelby hip checked her. “Hey. That ‘collective’ thing works for a win as well as a loss, you know. And we would never have won this match without Kaylee. Maybe she should be the Captain.”

“She’d never let you give it up,” Emma said with a grin. She tried in vain to catch her breath. “God, I’m still so out of shape. I don’t know how I’m going to survive the next week.”

Shelby paused in her steps, forcing Emma to a stop beside her. “You know what, Nolan. You and I are going to do some extra training.”

“Fucking hell.” Emma groaned, seeing the glint in Shelby’s brown eyes. “What have I done?”

* * *

After a pit stop at home to shower and change, as well as pack an overnight bag, Emma waited for Alyssa’s text that her mom had dropped her off at Shelby’s house before setting off herself. They had both agreed that they didn’t want Mrs. Greene knowing that Emma was going to be at this sleepover, too.

Emma had never been to Shelby’s house before. It was a pretty nice place, but any admiring of the decor went out the window as soon as Emma was almost knocked clean off her feet by a puppy barrelling towards her with no brakes.

“Oof.” Emma regained her balance, looking down to see a little black lab looking up at her with almost the same glint in his eye that Shelby got when she was excited about something. “You must be Barnabus Rex.”

The puppy immediately started sniffing her legs. Emma winced as he battered her shins with the force of his wagging tail. Maybe she should’ve kept the shin guards on for this. She heard footsteps descending the stairs and saw Shelby come into view. She grinned at Emma.

“I see you’ve met Barney,” she commented.

“Yeah, we ran into each other,” Emma said sarcastically. She crouched down to pet him nonetheless. “He’s adorable.”

“Yeah, he’s a cute lil asshole.” Helpless affection colored Shelby’s voice. “We’re hanging out in my room, come on. We’re about to watch the  _ Insidious  _ movies, so I hope you like horror.”

Emma didn’t.

But it didn’t really matter, because the four of them talked practically all the way through the movies, and Alyssa was even more scared of them than Emma was, so she didn’t feel alone. Shelby had set up an air mattress at the foot of her bed, laden with snacks - most of which weren’t entirely healthy. But, judging by the way Alyssa’s eyes lit up when she saw the chips and cookies, not to mention her excitement at ordering pizza, Emma suspected that Shelby had done this on purpose to take her mind off not being able to play the past week.

Emma couldn’t remember the last time she’d been to a sleepover. She didn’t really know how much boy-talk she’d be expected to endure, but as it turned out, the only mention of boys was Kaylee and Shelby gleefully cursing out Nick a couple times while Alyssa laughed. A real, full-bodied laugh; one that made Emma’s heart skip a beat as she was once again struck by how beautiful Alyssa was.

“Hey. Hey, Emma.” A chip being thrown at her snapped Emma back to reality. She blushed at the realization that she’d been caught staring, and quickly looked down at her lap.

“Huh?”

“I asked if you wanted to pick the next movie,” Shelby said.

Emma glanced up at Alyssa once more. “Uh.  _ Tangled  _ might be a nice change?”

“Disney? Cute.” Kaylee grabbed the remote. “Do you still have that on DVD or do you wanna stream it, Shelbs?”

As Shelby and Kaylee branched off into their own conversation, Alyssa leaned in closer to Emma on the air mattress. “Did you know that’s one of my favorite Disney movies or do we just have the same taste?”

“I had a suspicion,” Emma teased. The way Alyssa was smiling at her made her heart jump into her throat, and suddenly all she could think about was how much she wanted to kiss her. But she couldn’t. Not here.

It was only when Kaylee gasped partway through the movie, declaring that, “Alyssa, your mom is basically Mother Gothel!” that the four of them stopped making sense. Whether it could be chalked up to exhaustion, elation at winning Sectionals, joy at being together, or a combination of all three, they dissolved into laughter so completely that it made Emma’s stomach hurt.

Alyssa collapsed against her side, a yawn interrupting her laughing, and sighed contentedly. Emma’s heart rate sped up as she felt Alyssa snuggle into her slightly. Her throat went suddenly dry. She looked up to see that, thankfully, Shelby and Kaylee were paying them no mind.

“All that food made me tired,” Alyssa mumbled. “God, I’m a loser. It’s only, like, two in the morning and I’m already falling asleep.”

“That’s because you make good and responsible decisions when it comes to your sleeping pattern,” Emma said.

Alyssa hummed. “Not anymore. Wanna stay up longer texting you.”

“Yeah?” Emma swallowed.

“Mhm.”

Emma didn’t know what to say, Alyssa’s admission having made her unexpectedly a little emotional. Yeah, she was definitely tired. Luckily, Shelby and Kaylee - once they’d calmed down from whatever nonsense their giggling fit had turned into - seemed to agree that it was time to sleep.

“You can use either bathroom to change and get ready for bed,” Shelby said. “The downstairs one is near the back of the house, I can show you where it is if you need, Emma.”

“Thanks,” Emma said, reaching for her backpack.

She changed into her pajamas in the downstairs bathroom and brushed her teeth, creeping back up the stairs as quietly as she could because she didn’t know if Shelby’s family were already asleep in the short time it had been since the four of them had shut up and stopped laughing quite so loudly.

When she slipped back into the bedroom, it was to find Shelby already setting up the covers on the air mattress while Kaylee helped. Emma’s forehead creased in confusion. “What are you…”

“I’m being a gracious host and giving up my bed,” Shelby said plainly.

“And I’m being a good best friend and sleeping with her,” Kaylee added. Shelby raised her eyebrows, and Kaylee whacked her with a pillow. “You know what I mean!”

“So, uh, that means…” Emma trailed off as Alyssa opened the door, dressed in a t-shirt and soft sleep shorts. She watched Alyssa look from the bed, to Kaylee and Shelby on the floor, and back to the bed. Her cheeks flushed.

Emma met Alyssa’s eyes, and thought back to their conversation from the previous night. Definitely screwed.

She cleared her throat, trying to get rid of the nerves that were clawing their way up her insides at the prospect of sharing a bed with Alyssa, after dating her in secret for only a week, with their two closest friends also in the room. Why had she agreed to this sleepover again?

Alyssa looked just as clueless as Emma felt, which actually brought her some comfort. At least they were in the same boat. Not wanting to draw their friends’ suspicions, Emma took a deep breath and made her way over to the bed, pulling the covers back and climbing over to the far side so that Alyssa wouldn’t have to go all the way around Kaylee and Shelby on the floor.

She took her glasses off and put them on the bedside table, lying down against the pillows on her back and waiting for Alyssa to join her. After a few seconds, she felt the mattress dip next to her under Alyssa’s weight. She counted to ten in her head before turning her head to the side and looking at her girlfriend. Alyssa’s face was slightly red, and her eyes searched Emma’s own, maybe for reassurance that this was okay. Emma gave her what she prayed was a relaxed smile.

“I’m turning the light out,” Shelby said, a little tiredly. “No alarms set for tomorrow morning, please, we sleep in like the future college students we are.”

Alyssa laughed softly. “I have to go to church tomorrow.”

Emma groaned internally as she realized that her car would have to be gone before Mrs. Greene arrived to pick Alyssa up. Shelby groaned out loud.

“Fine. Set an alarm.”

Alyssa did so, shooting Shelby an apologetic look before the light was switched off and the room was plunged into darkness. For a long moment, Emma laid as still as a rock, terrified to move. She heard Kaylee and Shelby’s breathing even out within minutes, but she was positive that Alyssa was still awake next to her. Sure enough, Alyssa rolled over to face her.

“Are you awake?” she whispered.

Emma rolled onto her side, too, coming face to face with her. “Yeah.”

“Is this, like, totally weird?” Emma could just about make out Alyssa’s eyebrows scrunched up in the darkness as her eyes adjusted.

“A little.”

“But, also… kind of not.”

Emma nodded. “I like it, I’m just… nervous that we’re going to fall asleep cuddling or something and they’ll think it’s weird.”

“Well…” Alyssa paused for a few seconds, thinking it over. “We’ll wake up before them. And besides, best friends cuddle.”

“I don’t know, I think Shelby knows more than she’s saying,” Emma murmured, quirking her lips to the side

Alyssa bit her lip, before slowly saying, “Remind me to tell you about what she said to me that day in the locker room sometime.”

“What?” Emma blinked rapidly.

Shyly, Alyssa kissed the pads of her own fingers and pressed them against Emma’s cheek. “Goodnight, Em.”

Emma gulped, brushing her fingers over the back of Alyssa’s hand as her touch lingered. “Goodnight.”

God, this girl left her breathless.

She left a respectable distance between the two of them in the hopes that it would make her less likely to subconsciously cling onto Alyssa in her sleep. Before she drifted off, though, she felt Alyssa’s hand slip into her own under the covers, and it almost made her want to cry.

Emma bit down on her bottom lip hard, trying to slow her pulse, and forced her eyes closed as she willed sleep to take her over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing the early part of a relationship (especially a secret one) is always a struggle but i hope you enjoyed!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhhhh boy its been a while but to be fair i did start a new job and decide hey why not take on more shifts than im scheduled for because who doesnt like more money
> 
> anyways here is another soccer au chapter finally

Emma didn’t know what time it was when she first woke up, only that the sky appeared to be getting lighter. She also didn’t know quite  _ why  _ she’d woken up this early, being that she always took an opportunity to sleep in, and for a moment, she wasn’t entirely sure where she was.

She blinked, the world still a little fuzzy, but she could make out Alyssa’s face a few inches away from her. Memories of the sleepover last night came flooding back to her, and Emma’s stomach was suddenly attacked by a swarm of butterflies as her eyes roamed over Alyssa’s sleep-relaxed expression. 

Wait.

Something was actually hitting her stomach.

Something small pressed against her chest and Emma looked down between herself and her girlfriend to see a small, dark, wiggling, furry little creature pushing his paws into her as he stretched in his sleep. Barney. Emma had no idea how and when Shelby’s puppy had gotten into the room with them, much less into the bed, but she relaxed upon the realization that it was something harmless jabbing into her abdomen.

Emma’s heart skipped a beat when she noticed that Alyssa’s hand was still loosely holding onto her own. Slowly, being careful not to wake her, Emma brought the back of Alyssa’s hand to her lips and pressed a light kiss to the skin there. Alyssa sighed in her sleep.

Barney stopped fidgeting and settled against them both when Emma lowered her arm to rest over him, and before long, Emma felt herself drifting off again.

The second time she woke up that morning, things were a little different.

For a start, someone was shaking her urgently. Emma groaned, opening her eyes to see Shelby standing over her with a hand on her shoulder.

“Time to wake up,” she said. “Alyssa’s mom just got here.”

“What?” Emma yelped, almost rolling right off the bed as a wave of panic washed over her. 

She snatched her glasses from the bedside table and put them on, eyes searching the room until they landed on Alyssa, who was grabbing her clothes out of her backpack with a confused look on her face.

“I think my phone died overnight,” she explained quietly. “I’m so sorry.”

“She can’t know I’m here, she already hates me,” Emma whispered back. “I don’t know what to do, Lys.”

Shelby stepped in. “Alyssa, go get changed. I’ll go downstairs and stall.”

“She’ll have seen my car…” Emma muttered to herself.

“We’ll tell her you just got here for extra training,” Shelby said, squeezing Emma’s shoulder reassuringly. “Come on, Kayls.”

Kaylee gave them both a reassuring smile before heading for the door. Emma swallowed, turning to look at Alyssa again, stricken.

Alyssa looked worried, but she gave Emma a tight smile. “It’ll be okay.”

“I just don’t want to put you in a situation you don’t want to be in,” Emma said hurriedly, keeping her voice low.

“I know, I know,” Alyssa said, tucking her clothes under her arm and crossing the distance between them. “Shelby and Kaylee are covering for us. If she asks them, she’ll believe whatever they say as long as I say the same thing. This isn’t your fault, Em.”

“I still feel bad.”

Alyssa leaned her body against Emma’s in a quick hug, squeezing her with the arm not carrying her clothes. “We’ll get through it. I’ll text you when I get home, okay?”

Emma nodded silently, seeing the worry behind Alyssa’s eyes that she was trying to hide and feeling her stomach flip uneasily. Still, she wasn’t entirely sure why she herself was feeling more panicked than Alyssa looked when it was  _ Alyssa’s  _ mother who was here.

She watched Alyssa slip out of the bedroom and across the hall to change out of her pajamas, and raked a hand though her hair as she let out a shaky sigh and turned back to the bed. Barnabus Rex was sitting on Emma’s pillow, head cocked to the side in confusion.

“You and me both, buddy.”

* * *

“So,” Shelby began, as she and Emma walked to the park. A soccer ball was tucked under her arm. “This morning was intense.”

Emma sighed. “I’ve only actually met Mrs. Greene the one time, but she definitely didn’t like me. I'm positive she knows I'm gay, so I don’t think she’s very happy about Alyssa being my friend.”

The corner of Shelby’s mouth twitched, but she didn’t question the term ‘friend’.

“Thanks for covering for us,” Emma continued.

“Kay and I both know how insane Alyssa’s mom gets,” Shelby explained with a shrug. “There’s no way we were going to throw you under the bus like that.”

“I really appreciate that.” Emma hoped that Shelby could see how genuine she was. Emotional vulnerability with Shelby was still something she was getting used to.

Shelby smiled a little. “Although I will admit that I almost didn’t want to wake you guys up.”

“What, uh,” Emma cleared her throat. “What do you mean?”

Instead of explaining, Shelby simply took her phone out of her pocket, tapped the screen a few times, and handed it over to her. Emma took the phone, perplexed, but her eyes widened when she saw the picture of her and Alyssa, sound asleep, with Barney cuddled up in the small space between them. Their hands, still locked in a loose grip, rested on top of the covers. Even in their sleep, the Emma and Alyssa in the picture both had little smiles on their faces. Emma studied the picture for several seconds, silent.

“I can delete it if you want,” Shelby said quickly. “I promise I wasn’t going to do anything with it, I… I just wanted to capture the moment.”

Emma gulped. “Why?”

“I think you know why, Emma.” Shelby’s voice was gentle. “It’s okay. We don’t have to say anything, or talk about it, or even acknowledge it. But I want you to know that everything’s okay.”

Emma nervously met Shelby’s eyes, seeing nothing but warmth and honesty reflected back at her, and had to swallow a lump that rose in her throat.

“Can you send it to me?” she asked quietly. “The picture, I mean.”

“Of course I can.”

Any doubt in Emma’s mind that Shelby didn’t know exactly what was happening with her and Alyssa had well and truly vanished by now. She didn’t know exactly how she felt about it; relieved mostly, and still more than a little apprehensive, but her mind was still kind of all over the place, especially after this morning’s stress.

Once they reached the park, Shelby turned to her, a bright smile on her face.

“Emma Nolan, I think it’s time you learned slide-tackling.”

Emma paled. “Maybe we can work up to it this week. But, in return for putting me through this, can I ask you to cover for me again?”

“Depends on what for.”

* * *

In retrospect, Emma couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought of it as a meeting place sooner. Although, in her defense, the last time she’d been in this room, she hadn’t exactly been in a great headspace. The band closet had just been somewhere she’d run after seeing what Derek had written on her locker. God, it seemed so long ago now.

She cleared the small space as best she could, taking out the lunch she’d packed for herself and Alyssa and setting it down on top of a box. She hoped Alyssa remembered where the room was. She hoped she’d meet her there.

Her girlfriend had seemed fine over text, but Emma wanted to actually talk to her in person about the weekend, without fear of being overheard. Time and space alone at this school didn’t come easy.

Just as Emma was starting to get restless, the door opened and Alyssa walked in. The creases in her forehead smoothed out as soon as she laid eyes on Emma, and Emma felt herself relax. She grinned sheepishly at Alyssa.

“Sorry if this is a terrible first date.”

Alyssa’s eyes went to the sandwiches Emma had set out. “What’s this?”

“Lunch,” Emma said dumbly, and Alyssa giggled.

“I can see that,” she said, closing the door behind her and taking a few steps towards her. “I mean, why are we in the band closet?”

Emma shrugged one shoulder, clearing her throat. “I just… I thought this could be our  _ us  _ time at school sometimes. Shelby’s telling Kaylee we’re studying in the library.”

“Covering for us twice in two days?” Alyssa raised an eyebrow. “What blackmail material do you have on her?”

“Surprisingly, nothing,” Emma laughed. “I didn’t tell her anything about us but, uh, I don’t think I needed to.”

Alyssa just nodded. “I don’t think it was difficult for her to piece things together.”

She sat down on the floor next to Emma, the warmth of her body pressing into her arm and instantly lighting a fire beneath her skin. Emma chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before speaking again.

“Would now be a good time to ask what she said to you in the locker room the other week?”

Alyssa’s lips quirked to the side and she laughed softly under her breath. “Well, the first thing she said after walking in on me trying to kiss you was, and I quote, ‘In my defense, I didn’t think you and Nolan would get your shit together for at least another month’, so it’s safe to say she knew how I felt about you.”

“She had a point,” Emma mused. “I sure as hell wasn’t anywhere near the bravery level of telling you how I felt, mostly because I didn’t believe you could ever feel the same way.”

She felt Alyssa’s fingers interlock with her own, and smiled. 

“Then Shelby let me stutter and panic for a minute before grabbing my shoulders and spelling out the fact that you and I getting together would be a good thing, and that she was supportive of us, and that… that she felt this weird tug in her heart when she saw us interact, like she knew there was something special between us.” Alyssa took a deep breath before turning her head and meeting Emma’s gaze. “So, yeah, I guess she’s pretty much always known.”

Emma swallowed nervously. “Do you think we’re special?”

“Yeah,” Alyssa breathed. “I kinda do.”

“I do, too.” Emma let out a steady breath, pulse quickening. “I remember when you asked me to try out for soccer,” she said quietly, seeing the ghost of a fond memory pass across her girlfriend’s face at the words. “I was such a mess around you. I still kind of am, but I was really bad at the conversation thing back then.”

“I thought it was cute,” Alyssa said. “I thought  _ you  _ were cute, even if I didn’t really understand what I was feeling at the time, or why I was so disappointed when you said you probably wouldn’t try out for the team.”

Emma gave her a wry smile. “But then I did.”

“But then you did.”

Alyssa leaned in, kissing her slowly. Emma’s eyes fluttered closed, and she felt her body relax as soon as she felt Alyssa’s lips against her own, reassured that things were seemingly okay after the weekend.

“Just so you know, me not being able to tell people how I feel about you, especially my mother, doesn’t make it any less true,” Alyssa said, almost like she knew a part of Emma needed to hear it. “I want this, Em. I want  _ you _ . We both got a little scared the other day, but it doesn’t change anything.”

“And it’s okay to be scared.” Emma brushed her thumb over Alyssa’s. “I’m also just scared of your mom in general, if that helps.”

Alyssa snorted. “Even Shelby knowing scared me at the start, back when she and I talked in the locker room. But I know she’s not going to tell people. I don’t think she’d even tell Kaylee.”

“Now that’s dedication.”

“I feel bad, though,” Alyssa sighed. “Like the three of us are in on this thing that Kaylee isn’t.”

“Well,” Emma started carefully. “It’s up to you, obviously, but we could always let her in on it?”

Alyssa chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. “It would be nice to not have to hide when we’re with them. Can I think about it?”

“Lys, of course you can,” Emma said. “Please hear me when I say that I would never ask you to come out to anyone you don’t want to.”

“Why are you so good about this?” Alyssa’s eyes looked a little watery to Emma, who started to panic, wondering if she’d somehow upset her. Her fears were brushed aside a moment later when Alyssa’s grip on her hand tightened and she pressed a kiss to her cheek, lingering there for a long moment.

“I… I just want you to be happy, and to feel safe,” she managed. 

“I’ve never been as happy as I’ve been this past week,” Alyssa admitted, turning a little shy. “And considering I’ve spent it with a sprained wrist and no soccer…”

“I’m honored,” Emma joked weakly, trying to hide how flushed that admission made her. This thing with Alyssa was still so new, even though Emma had been well aware of own her feelings for over a year, that hearing Alyssa say things like that made her heart pound almost painfully in her chest.

“Do you think that, if we told Kaylee about us, she’d be okay with it?” Alyssa asked in a small voice.

Emma chose her words carefully, not wanting to make Alyssa feel like any amount of pressure was being put upon her. “Honestly? I think she would. She loves you, Alyssa, and I don’t think you being gay would change that. She might be a little more… surprised than Shelby, but I don’t think it would stop her from being just as supportive.”

Alyssa nodded, almost to herself, and Emma nudged her gently.

“Hey, do you want some of this food that I very lovingly prepared and didn’t at all ask my gran to help me with?”

“Definitely,” Alyssa said, giving her a quick kiss before picking up one of the sandwiches and beaming at her. “And, for the record, this is a pretty amazing first date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love y'all stay safe <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't look at me i know its been [inaudible] months

The Wednesday before Regionals marked the first day that Alyssa was allowed to resume training. Her injured wrist was still strapped up somewhat, but she’d worn Barry down with the argument that she didn’t need her hands to play soccer anyway. He’d finally relented after making Alyssa promise that she wouldn’t take any throw-ins for the time being.

It seemed that Alyssa had managed to maintain almost the same level of fitness during her week and a half ban from strenuous activity, and she threw herself back into after-school training with an enthusiasm that bolstered the team, even with Natalie’s more serious leg injury still hanging over them.

Emma, for her part, was trying to live up to Natalie’s reputation as the starting right back. She’d ended every session so far that week drenched in sweat and completely winded, and then she would go to Shelby’s house after school and do defensive drills with her for another hour or so in her backyard. 

She didn’t think she’d ever worked so hard on something in her life.

It was almost an hour into her extra session with Shelby on Thursday night when the subject of slide-tackling was broached again. Shelby, ball under her arm, sweat trickling down the side of her face, sized Emma up and said, “I think you’re ready to try it.”

“You’re putting a lot of trust in me not to injure you right before Regionals,” Emma puffed, but a part of her was curious to see if she really could do this. There was no doubt in her mind that she’d come on leaps and bounds this past week alone, and she had a lot more control over her body since she’d started playing regularly. Still, she felt her stomach twisting itself into familiar nervous knots as Shelby contemplated her.

“I trust you,” Shelby said, squeezing her shoulder. “And I’m going to show you what to look for when you’re considering a slide tackle. It’s not something that you’re gonna want to use all the time.”

“Okay,” Emma said slowly. “What am I looking for, then?”

Shelby dropped the ball to the ground, and rolled it between her feet almost absently. “To start with, you’re gonna want the player you’re trying to dispossess to be in a sprint. If she’s jogging, she can stop or change direction when she sees you coming in for a tackle, so you’re gonna need to stay on your feet.”

“Right.” Emma started a mental checklist.

“Look for a moment when the ball is further away from her feet,” Shelby said. “Most forwards, including me, are still working on their dribbling skills so if they’re in a full sprint they’re gonna be pushing the ball out further in front of them because it’s how we cover the ground quicker, especially if we’re trying to beat a defender to the goal. If you do decide to slide tackle though, Nolan, you  _ have  _ to commit to it. Don’t half-ass it, or it’ll probably go wrong.”

“What happened when Alyssa got tackled badly?” Emma asked. “What did the defender do wrong? I… really don’t wanna do that to anybody.”

“If I had to guess, I’d say she made a rash decision without fully thinking it through,” Shelby said with a sigh. “I think she saw Alyssa setting up to shoot and went for a late tackle without proper regard for safety. Alyssa didn’t see it coming so she couldn’t get out of the way in time.”

Emma trampled down her lingering anger at the player. It was done now, and she was going to learn from that girl’s mistake. “If I time it right, will the forward get out of the way?”

“Ideally, the forward will jump over your legs and keep going. Even if she falls, as long as you kick the ball and not her, you should be legal. If you’re fast enough, you can dispossess her, get up, and pass the ball to someone else,” Shelby explained. “If there’s nobody you can pass to, feel free to tackle the ball out of play, too. It’ll be the opposition’s ball to throw in, but at least it’ll buy us some time to get back and defend if there’s nobody else between you and goal.”

“I feel like I should be writing this down.”

Shelby rolled the ball up onto her foot. “Best way to learn is by doing.”

“Oh, God,” Emma laughed nervously. “How do I… actually do the tackle?”

“I’m just going to teach you the basic slide tackle,” Shelby said. “Say, for example, a player has gotten past the defensive line and is running down your side of the pitch - their left and your right - and you’re running after them running after them. At that point it’s probably safest to just tackle the ball towards the sideline, so you should run up on the right hand side and wait for the moment the ball is furthest from their feet. Tuck your left leg underneath you to give you a cushion, and slide in on your left hip. Don’t jump, that’s very important if you don’t want to give yourself a nice little friction burn. Slide. Have a little bend in your right leg but keep your foot extended, and just let the momentum kick the ball away.”

“You make it sound so easy.” Sarcasm laced Emma’s voice, and Shelby grinned at her.

“Let’s play out that scenario,” she said. “We’ll do it slowly, and I’ll jump over your legs, and then we’ll build up to how it would go in a game.”

Emma’s first attempt was less than stellar. She was so concerned about sliding safely that she barely had enough momentum to touch the ball, let alone kick it clear. But Shelby, to her credit, didn’t laugh at her. She just told Emma what to do next time, and made her do it again. By attempt number five, Emma had sorted out getting her legs in the right order, and she actually managed to dispossess Shelby. By attempt number fifteen, she could do it when Shelby was running. By attempt thirty, she could do it when Shelby was fully sprinting down the considerable length of her backyard. And sure, it was the exact same scenario every single time, but the rush of confidence Emma felt when she nailed it three times in a row made her believe that maybe she could pull this off for real if she needed to.

* * *

Emma was surprised to see Alyssa waiting for her in her gran’s living room when she finally got home from Shelby’s house. She and Betsy were mid-conversation when Emma trudged in, dragging her kit bag along the ground. Emma froze, feeling a little self-conscious when she remembered how rough she probably looked after a day of school, soccer training, and yet more soccer training.

“Hi,” Emma said dumbly, eyes fixed on her girlfriend.

“Hey.” Alyssa took her in, cheeks tingeing red as her eyes lingered over her body. Emma felt even hotter all of a sudden. “Sorry for turning up unannounced.”

“You’re not here for more soccer practise, are you?” Emma joked weakly. 

Alyssa shook her head. “I just… had a fight with my mom and didn’t know where else to go.”

“Are you okay?” Emma crossed the distance between them, concerned, but Alyssa didn’t look like she’d been crying. “What happened?”

“It was just a stupid thing about me rejoining training,” Alyssa said dismissively. “Which turned into me asking if she was planning on actually coming to any games, which turned into an argument about something else entirely, and then I told her I was going to Shelby’s for dinner.”

“But I was at Shelby’s.”

The corner of Alyssa’s mouth twitched amusedly. “I know. I lied to her about where I was going.”

“Right, yeah. Of course.” Emma glanced at her gran, who was watching them curiously. “Well, you can hang out here until you’re ready to go back, can’t she, gran?”

“Absolutely,” Betsy said immediately. “Alyssa and I were actually just deciding on what to have for dinner.”

Emma could’ve sworn she saw Alyssa’s blush deepen, but her girlfriend simply nodded. Emma’s stomach rumbled at the mere mention of food, and Alyssa snorted.

Once again, Emma suddenly remembered how bad she probably looked and smelled. “Let me just go… shower,” she muttered. “Then we can have dinner and watch a movie, or whatever you wanna do.”

Alyssa’s eyes dropped to her lips for a split-second, and Emma’s insides twisted in anticipation. Before she did something stupid like kiss Alyssa in front of her grandmother, Emma tore herself away and climbed the stairs to the bathroom.

* * *

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Emma’s question broke the comfortable silence in her room some time later. She and Alyssa were sat on her bed watching TV, their arms pressed against each other’s but neither actually making the move to tangle themselves together, and Emma had to ask.

“Pretty much okay,” Alyssa reassured her. “I was more angry than upset, and I just needed to get out of the house for a few hours.”

“I’m glad you came here,” Emma said, steeling herself for a moment before draping her arm across Alyssa’s shoulders. Immediately, and almost like she’d been waiting for it, Alyssa snuggled into her side. “You can always come here, Lys.”

“Thank you,” Alyssa whispered, pressing a kiss to Emma’s cheek and making her feel like something was squeezing her heart. “Your gran was right about you being the best person in this hellhole of a town, not that I didn’t know that already.”

Emma blushed. “Talk to her about more than just dinner, did you?”

“I think she... knows about us,” Alyssa said, her voice surprisingly level. “It’s like you said, though. She didn’t push me to tell her anything, I just got the feeling she knows exactly how I feel about you.”

“And how’s that?” Emma whispered, shyly meeting Alyssa’s gaze.

“Like you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Alyssa murmured, eyes searching Emma’s face like she was looking for any signs she’d stepped over a line.

Everything else faded into nothingness as Emma leaned forward and captured Alyssa’s lips in a soft kiss. Her hand trembled as it settled on the curve of her waist, gently encouraging her closer. Alyssa deepened the kiss, palms resting against Emma’s collarbones. Emma felt her fingers flex against the skin there, almost as if Alyssa was trying to stop herself from grabbing Emma’s shirt and pulling her closer still.

Alyssa’s teeth grazed her bottom lip, and then she was pulling back and resting their foreheads together. “You looked so hot earlier,” she admitted in a small voice.

“I was covered in sweat and grass stains.”

Alyssa’s face flushed and she shrugged sheepishly. “I know.”

“Oh.” Emma felt like she might just be melting into a puddle. “Good to know you like me exhausted and disheveled.”

“Shut up.” Alyssa groaned, embarrassed.

Emma brushed their noses together, hearing her girlfriend’s breath catch in her throat. “Make me.”

* * *

“Hey, kid, wait up a second,” Barry said, catching Emma after their final training session before Regionals. It was the last day of school before fall break, and Emma was eager to get home on her one day off from Shelby’s extra sessions this week and get a good night’s sleep before their first game tomorrow, but she waited nonetheless.

“Everything okay, coach?” she asked. “Is this about the motel for Semi-States? Because I’ve told you it’s fine if you need to put me on my own or in a big group or whatever. It’s not a big deal either way.”

Barry snorted under his breath. “‘Coach’. Look at you, all professional. No, it’s not, but thank you for reminding me I need to look up where the nearest motel to the venue actually is.”

“Barry, then.” Emma rolled her eyes even as she was unable to stop a smile stretching across her face. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you,” Barry said, catching Emma off guard. “I know the past week hasn’t been easy, what with us expecting you to take over Natalie’s starting spot, but you’ve done so well.”

Emma found herself suddenly swallowing down a lump in her throat. “Thank you, Barry. It’s… It’s down to you and Shelby and the rest of the team—“

Barry set his hands on Emma’s shoulders. “It’s down to you, Emma. You’re the one that’s put the work in. Don’t think I didn’t see that slide tackle you pulled on Shelby in the scrimmage.”

“Yeah, well, she taught me how to do that on her own time,” Emma muttered, a little embarrassed at the praise. “She didn’t have to do that. She’s a good captain.”

“She is, and you’re a good player.”

“Do you think I’m ready for this, Barry?” Emma asked. “Like, really ready?”

Barry quirked his lips to the side. “Hate to say it, but there’s only one way we’re going to find out.”

“I was afraid you were gonna say that,” Emma sighed.

“But regardless, I know you’ll give it everything you’ve got,” Barry said with a smile. “Because that’s the kind of person you are, kid, and that’s why you fall into this team so easily. Now, get some rest, drink your milk, and be ready to bring it tomorrow.”

Emma pulled a face. “Yes, coach.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly i don't know how frequent updates are gonna be but i am going to TRY and get this fic finished because i really don't want to leave it incomplete.
> 
> thank you so much to anyone who's left a comment on any of my fics, especially recently, because that's honestly the only reason i started writing again this past week <3 (big shout out to the angels trawling through every prom fic ive ever written and commenting on them all, i literally can't express how amazing that feels and how emotional it makes me???)
> 
> much love x


	16. chapter sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so so so much to anyone who left a comment on the last chapter, i'm so glad people haven't given up on this fic just yet even with the dismal update schedule sdjkdsjk

It was over two hours on the bus to LaFayette, Indiana, where their Regionals stage would take place over the course of the weekend. For Emma, that meant over two hours sitting next to Alyssa, sharing a pair of earphones and listening to Taylor Swift (Alyssa’s choice, although Emma wasn’t about to complain) while, in front of them, Kaylee and Shelby were locked in a seemingly endless thumb war.

The bus felt a little empty with one of them missing. Natalie was doing okay, but her family had said that it was too early for her to be walking around on a fracture, even with her crutches, and so she was stuck at home waiting for match updates in the team group chat. Emma felt for her, but her absence and the pressure it left on her shoulders only stoked a determined fire inside of her; a sense of responsibility not to throw away everything Natalie had worked for this season. As if she was able to sense this, Alyssa put her hand on Emma’s leg, just above her knee, and gave a reassuring squeeze.

“You can do it, you know,” Alyssa said, quietly enough that her voice went unnoticed in the general conversation throughout the bus. “We all know you can do it.  _ I  _ know you can do it.”

“In a way, I think I know I can, too,” Emma sighed. “I just don’t know if, when the moment comes, I will. I don’t even know if that makes sense.”

“It does.” Alyssa’s voice was reassuring. “You’ve never been tested on the field like this before, so it’s impossible to know how you’ll react, but you’ve trained so hard. You’re so in tune with the rest of the team now, with  _ me  _ now, and we’ve got you.”

Emma leaned her head on Alyssa’s shoulder, reasoning that it wouldn’t be uncommon between teammates, and closed her eyes. Alyssa pressed her cheek against the top of Emma’s head for a moment, bringing a smile to her lips, and she let the warmth of her girlfriend and the music in her ear lull her into a doze.

* * *

Emma had only started a game once before, at the final match before Sectionals, so this was very much still new territory for her. She stood on the pitch, waiting for the whistle, feeling her heart hammering in her chest. The familiar sight of Alyssa in front of her helped to calm her nerves.

As soon as the game began, the pace was relentless. 

Emma felt like she was fielding attacks from all angles, even from her position on the wing, and she was barely keeping up with it all. Luckily, the team’s defense was incredible even without Natalie, and Carrie was - in Emma’s opinion - the best keeper in the world, so by the time the whistle blew to signal the end of the first half, the Wildcats hadn’t conceded a single goal.

Unfortunately, their opposition hadn’t either, but there was still time for someone to find the back of the net.

To her surprise, Emma was feeling a lot stronger than she had at this point two weeks ago. She actually felt like she might be able to see a full ninety minutes of play for the first time, which was just as well, as they were running lower on subs than usual.

“Good work out there, Nolan,” Barry told her as he handed her a water bottle during half time. Pride bubbled up inside her as she accepted the drink, hiding her smile as she turned away and caught sight of Alyssa.

A sheen of sweat was shining on Alyssa’s forehead, but she looked ecstatic to be back out on the pitch after spending Sectionals weekend on the bench. She always looked beautiful, but there was something about the light behind her eyes that left Emma breathless. Alyssa caught Emma staring. She grinned.

Emma was helpless to resist the pull between them, sidling up to her girlfriend and sipping her water as nonchalantly as she could manage.

“Hey, Nolan,” Alyssa greeted her, dark eyes sparkling.

Emma nodded at her. “Greene.”

“Looking good out there,” Alyssa said quietly, knocking their shoulders together.

“I’ll be looking even better after another forty-five minutes of this.”

Alyssa’s eyes narrowed. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“Nope,” Emma said cheerfully, before shrugging a little sheepishly. “Besides, I feel the same way about you.”

“I see.” Alyssa raised an eyebrow, keeping her eyes to the stands. She waited until Emma was taking another sip before saying, “I’ll make sure to work up a sweat in the second half, then.”

Emma choked on her water. “You’re evil.”

Alyssa just winked at her before walking away to talk to Linda and the other midfielders, leaving Emma wondering when exactly she lost the upper hand in that conversation.

* * *

The whistle blew to signal the start of the second half, and approximately three seconds later, Emma found the ball at her feet. Their opponents were still falling into their positions and Alyssa had momentarily given her mark the slip, so Emma wasted no time in passing the ball up to her. Alyssa’s hand made a quick motion at her side, so small that if Emma hadn’t been entirely focused on her she might have missed it, but she seemed to be encouraging Emma to move further up the pitch.

Alyssa took off like she intended to leave an actual trail of fire behind her, catching the defense out before they were fully focused, and Emma followed up the wing. Alyssa cut across the pitch towards the center, and then, without looking, suddenly sent the ball towards the space that Emma was running into. As soon as the ball left her feet, Alyssa pushed forwards into a powerful sprint, Kaylee and Shelby joining her as potential prospects to receive a cross.

The defenders scrambled to try and block all three of them, which left the midfield for Emma to get past, and the two forwards hot on her heels.

She weaved around a player, stumbling but keeping the ball from being tackled away, and righted herself as she took a gasping breath and kept pushing up the wing. She picked her head up and tried to get a read on the situation. All three of her charging teammates could shoot from either foot, but it was Alyssa who appeared to have the best look at the goal and the least amount of people trying to head her off.

Hoping she was making the right call, and hoping she’d gotten better at crossing than she had when she’d started playing soccer, Emma lofted the ball above the heads of the opposition. The defense stuttered for a split-second, trying to predict where the ball was headed. Alyssa twisted around, screeching almost to a halt as she brought her foot up to intercept and settle the ball. She turned her body back towards goal, pulled the ball to the side of a centerback that tried to dispossess her, using her as cover from the keeper’s view, and rocketed the ball towards the top corner of the net.

The keeper didn’t stand a chance on this occasion. By the time she saw what Alyssa was doing, the ball was already soaring towards her and she couldn’t stretch enough in her leap to get so much as a fingertip to it. The ball hit the back of the net and Alyssa punched the air in celebration.

Emma, who had kept running as she’d crossed the ball, changed course to Alyssa, who was the center of the Wildcats’ world right now. She joined the group tackle-hug, slinging her arms around whoever was closest, and for a moment, all she knew was a ringing in her ears and the smell of grass and sweat.

After a few seconds, the group pulled back to return to their positions, revealing a beaming Alyssa who looked at Emma with shining eyes and flushed cheeks. Emma couldn’t help but grin back; a grin that only widened when Alyssa threw her arms around Emma’s shoulders and hugged her tightly.

Alyssa’s breath was hot on Emma’s neck, and it made her shiver. The two of them stumbled slightly, and Emma wrapped her arms around Alyssa’s waist to steady them as she laughed. She kind of couldn’t believe what had just happened.

“You’re incredible,” Alyssa gasped into her ear. “You’re fucking  _ incredible _ .”

“Says you!” Emma was almost at a loss for words. “How did you know I would—” 

“Just a feeling.”

They disentangled themselves after a long moment, sensing the game was almost ready to restart, but Emma knew that her face was probably just as red as it had been the last time she’d assisted in one of Alyssa’s goals and she’d hugged her in return. Emma chewed on her bottom lip to try and temper her grin slightly as she jogged back to her starting position, still floating on the jubilation of helping Alyssa put them a goal up on their opposition.

She turned around just in time to see Kaylee exchange a questioning look with Shelby, and was reminded of her and Alyssa’s conversation in the band closet about potentially telling her what was happening. She wondered if Alyssa had given it any more thought.

* * *

As it turned out, Alyssa apparently had.

Worn out as they were on the way back to school that evening, Alyssa lifted her head from Emma’s shoulder for long enough to nod towards where Shelby and Kaylee were once again sitting in front of them. Her eyes met Emma’s in a silent question.

“You want to tell them?” Emma murmured, just in case she was wrong about what Alyssa was thinking.

Alyssa nodded slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I do.”

“Okay,” Emma whispered, letting out a breath.

They waited until most of the team had either gotten into their own cars or been picked up by their parents, and then Alyssa grabbed the sleeve of the sweater Emma had pulled on as the evening chill closed in, and tugged her towards their friends. Kaylee and Shelby were leaning against their cars, parked next to each other in the lot, chatting excitedly about the next day’s match.

Alyssa cleared her throat as they approached, glancing around once to make sure that they were pretty much alone. Kaylee and Shelby raised their heads, and Emma saw Shelby’s eyes immediately dart to Alyssa’s grip on her sleeve. For Shelby, this would just be a confirmation of what she already knew, but Emma had no idea how much Kaylee did or didn’t know. She could feel the nerves rolling off Alyssa next to her, but she could feel the determination too.

“Well if it isn’t the MVPs of the match,” Shelby greeted them, only half-teasing. “Are you here to tell us about your experiments with mind melding technology?”

Emma snorted under her breath. 

Alyssa shook her head. “Nope. We’ve only just drawn up the blueprints.”

“Then what’s up?” Shelby asked curiously. A tiny smile played at the corner of her mouth.

“Well, um…” Alyssa took a deep breath. “I, or well, we, just wanted to tell you, uh…”

She closed her eyes and braced herself for the possible outcomes of what she was about to say.

“Emma and I are together.”

Sensing her girlfriend needed something more solid than her sleeve to hold onto, Emma sought out her hand instead, and Alyssa clasped their hands together immediately.

“As in, dating, together?” Kaylee was the first one to speak. 

Alyssa still had her eyes closed, but Emma watched Kaylee closely. She seemed surprised, certainly, but Emma couldn’t see any sign of rejection, or any hardness behind her expression.

“Yep,” Alyssa squeaked. “Since a couple weeks ago.”

Shelby looked like she was about to burst. “I knew it! I knew that’s when things had changed.”

Emma felt Alyssa relax slightly, and saw her open her eyes. “Thank you for talking some sense into me, Shelby.”

“Hold on, you knew about this?” Kaylee asked. “How blind  _ was _ I?”

She pushed off of her car and threw her arms around Alyssa, who sagged against her in relief. Emma reached out for Shelby, pulling her into the group hug too. Alyssa gripped Emma’s hand tightly.

“Shit, Alyssa, I’m sorry I wasn’t paying more attention,” Kaylee said earnestly. “But, for what it’s worth, you guys make a super cute couple.”

“You’ve only known about us for thirty seconds,” Emma said in bemusement.

“I stand by it.”

Alyssa managed a laugh that was only slightly strained. “Thanks, Kay. You two are my best friends, and we wanted you to know. I just needed a little time to work up the courage.”

Emma squeezed her hand. “You’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met, Lys.”

Kaylee and Shelby pulled back to give them a little bit of space as Alyssa’s free arm wound itself around Emma’s waist and she tucked herself against her slightly. Emma disentangled their hands so that she could hug Alyssa properly, pressing a quick kiss to the side of her head. Kaylee just barely stopped herself from squealing, and Emma knew then that things for the four of them were going to be just fine.

“Have you told your mom?” Shelby asked carefully.

“No,” Alyssa groaned. “And I don’t plan to anytime soon. I… don’t think she’d take it well.”

“Well, if you do tell her, or even if you don’t and she’s just getting on your nerves, you can always stay with me,” Shelby offered.

“Or me,” Kaylee piped up.

Emma pressed another kiss into Alyssa’s hair. “And you know how much my gran already adores you.”

“We’re your family, Alyssa,” Shelby told her. “We’ve got you, and nothing is ever going to change that, okay?”

Alyssa nodded, blinking back tears and burrowing further into Emma’s arms. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: regionals pt 2 and maybe the return of greg? we'll see

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know what you think! i'm not sure when updates will come, but hopefully they won't be ridiculously far apart!


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